Thursday, October 27, 2005

Blogs-fear

Here’s the deal… This is officially the 4th time I’ve tried to start this blog thing, so at this point I’m not even sure this even will end up in the "blogsphere." Therefore, if you’re reading this, then I guess I have overcome my fear of blogging and have decided to move on with all of this. I guess it’s kind of like the “if the tree falls in the forest and no one is there to hear it does it really make a sound?” adage, except mine is "if the writer writes a blog but never publishes it (three times) does anyone ever know that he has blogged?"

So why the paralysis? Why not just do what a zillion other people have been doing for years? That’s easy. Don’t know. That’s the problem. I’m not sure what I’m afraid of.

For whatever reason I have this stupid insecurity that someone I know will read my blogs and then… and then… and then… oh yeah, all the people who have ever been an important part of my life will gather together in my front yard and start making mumbling sounds, like they’re saying secret things about me but I can’t make out the words. Then, when I come out on to my front porch to find out what is going on, I realize I’m really standing there in front of everybody in my underwear!

Ok, so maybe that wasn’t my real fear but an old recurring dream that I’ve had since I was a kid. But now that I think about it, my actual fear seems almost as ridiculous. Like I said, I don’t officially know what my hang up is but I’m fairly sure it has something to do with being judged or accepted or something equally as easily diagnosable as that. I’m also fairly certain that if I do publish this, and someone I know does read it – that something horrible won’t
really happen to me, like my head exploding or something like that. So what the hey – here goes.

And maybe, if the people don’t start gathering in my front yard tonight, I’ll just post another one tomorrow!

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