Thursday, November 10, 2005

My Miranda

Writing about my diet experience the other day brought back the memory of an incident I experienced with with my wife a number of years ago - which really should be left un-brought-back - but I can't resist:

One evening we were starting to get in the romantic "mood" and I was really feeling a deep connection with my wife. For some reason, I felt compelled to open my stupid mouth and try to say, what I thought at the time, was a sweet thing. Knowing that she had been bothered by her weight lately I thought it would make her feel good to remind her of why I love her. This is what I refer to as a good intention, bad idea.

"Honey, you know I don't love you for how much you weigh, I love you for who you are."

Suddenly my wife freezes, eyes wide open. Buckets of ice water pour on top of us from above, air-raid sirens and bullhorns blasting in the air. "Warning, warning, security breach, for your protection you will be isolated from your spouse for an indefinite period of time."

Instantly I know l'm screwed (and much more effectively than if the romance had actually continued). Johnny Cochran himself couldn't get me out of this one. "Whoa, I'm sorry man - O.J. only killed someone - this is outta my league!"

All the justification and groveling in the world wasn't going to help me here. In fact, I now know how the original version of Miranda rights were created - not for criminals, but for some poor schmuck who didn't keep his mouth shut in bed.

"You have the right to remain silent. EVERYTHING you say will be wrong and held against you. Period!"

1 comment:

Johnny said...

Umm, I seem to remember a cold front that night here in Florida.. That was caused by you ? LOL how long were you "CUT OFF"
Hope you made it up to her..