Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Dad: Fashion Police

Here's something I guarantee you won't think I'm qualified to write about: Women's fashions. But hold on - I actually do have something to say about the matter. Don't forget, I am a guy - and who is it the girls are dressing up for anyway?

What I'm referring to are two of the latest trends in women's wear.

1. The peek-a-boo thong. This is where the thong comes up out of the back of her pants while she's wearing an "almost" mid-riff blouse, so you can only see it under the right "accidental" circumstances. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not a prude, and I can fully understand why a girl would want to dress like this - such as when she's all dolled up for a night out. And in the right setting, a quick peek at a thong can even be somewhat sexy.

But I'm pretty sure there should be a standard for when and where.

Last week I was buying a shirt in a department store. When the sales girl turned around and bent over to get a bag, her shirt rode up her back and there it was - the "I'm not so sure this quite meets the corporate dress code, but check the employee manual because I think there's a loophole of specific reference" - thong.

Yikes, was this really the most comfortable thing she had in her drawer for a day at the store? What cracked me up though was imagining her getting ready for work, talking to her girlfriend on the phone while she was getting dressed... she's buttoning up her blouse, her head cradled sideways on the phone: "Yeah, I have to work at Penneys today, I'm filling in for Kristi in the men's department."

...holding up some thongs: "So which of these two do you think I should cram up my butt for eight hours, the hot pink satin one or the rhinestone-studded black one?"

Ok, maybe I am getting a little older. But cut me some slack - I do have a 10 year old daughter after all!

2. The mid-riff. Actually, I'm glad to see the whole look is back, that bare belly with the low-cut jeans thing. I liked it in the 70's and I don't hate it now. And, I especially like how it looks on women (don't laugh, I have seen some guys wearing it lately).

But, just like the thong, I think there ought to be some basic guidelines for dressing like this.

The other day I saw a "larger" woman wearing a crop-top shirt. You know those Pillsbury Poppin Fresh cinnamon rolls that come in the cardboard tube, and what happens when you first crack the side of it against the counter top - the dough that comes oozing out?

Well, there ya go. And I just know that if you were to peel off the rest of her top you'd find those little serrated circles around her body every few inches, you know, so you could separate the sections.

Hey, I'm all for freedom of expression and all that but freedom of expansion is one look I hope goes away soon - for everybody's sake.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Certain types of clothing should require a permit.

I am always surprised when I see teen aged girls, on the far side of chunky, side wearing low rider jeans and a belly shirt. I remember being a teenage as being one of the most self-conscious times of my life and I could not have imagined going out in public with (if I had it) all the fat hanging out. And now when the role models are all borderline anorexic I am baffled. When I see it I find myself thinking, do you OWN a mirror?