Monday, March 20, 2006

Food Fatale

It was lunchtime, and my wife and I were out running some errands and needed to find a quick place to eat so I could get back to the office. "Let's go there," she said pointing to a place on the next corner. It was a restaurant/bar I had eaten at before.

"I don't think you're going to like it," I said.
"Why?", she asked. "I heard they have good food, and we don't have time to look for anything else."
"Ok," I said, "but don't say I didn't warn you!"

I held the door open for my wife and let her enter before me. She immediately turned around and looked at me with a disgusted look on her face. "Oh," she sneered, "I didn't know it was going to be this bad."

Shortly after finding a table the server came over. "Hi, do you know what you'd like to order?"

"Sure," I said, "I've eaten here before, so I know exactly what I'm going to have."
"And what will that be?" she asked.
"Well, for starters, it'll be a side-smoke salad with french-smoke dressing. Then I'll be having a smoke-turkey sandwich with smoke-fruit instead of smoke-fries. Oh, and a glass of skim milk-smoke with my meal, thank you."

My wife just looked at me, horrified.

"What?" I asked, "What are you looking at me like that for?"

"I can't believe what you just did!" she scolded. "You know damn well you're supposed to be eating the low-fat dressing!"

6 comments:

Mooselet said...

And for dessert did you have the smokey pie a la mode?

Harmonica Man said...

Are you kidding? Waaayyy too many carbs.

I couldn't resist writing this one. Not only does smoking in resturaunts eff up the dining experience (and don't bother with the non-smoking section - unless you have it hermetically sealed from the rest of the place), but as a harmonica player, I have to breath in through my nose all night long while I'm playing in night clubs. I estimate I inhale the equivalent of a pack of smokes a night. I frequently end up with a sinus infection a few days after a gig.

Currently Minneapolis and St. Paul both have laws banning smoking in resturaunts and bars. I CANNOT wait until the rest of the state follows their lead and becomes smoke-free as well. (Someone please give me a referendum to vote on - NOW!)

The owners complain because they think they're going to lose business. Now it's proving out that the business only drops temporarily and then gets better than before. This makes sense to me considering how many places I WON'T currently eat at because they're so stinky.

Oops, did I just rant? Sorry, I'll step down from my soap box now.

Jess Riley said...

That is hilarious!

(Did you really say that?) LOL

Linda said...

A friend recently made an interesting observation. He said if he were sitting in a restaurant loudly farting and generally making a stink, someone would surely object. So why is smoking socially acceptable in a public place?

Harmonica Man said...

Jess Well, not exactly out loud - but I sure was thinking it!

Actually I wouldn't be able to do that to a server. It's not her fault the restaurant isn't smoke-free so I wouldn't take it out on her. But if the owner had been standing there...

Linda Because smoking itself has been "accepted" for a long time. If people had been farting in public for 100 years then we'd probably see farting in restaurants today too.

But then of course there would have to be a non-smoking section, a non-farting section, a non-smoking/non-farting section etc.

Anonymous said...

I hate all smokers that make the world their ashtray, and those that feel they are just peeing in a corner of a swimming pool.