Tuesday, March 28, 2006

PiP Squeak

I watched my first episode of Fox's 24 last night. Way cool show, although it probably would have been a much better experience for me if I hadn't waited until the 15th episode to see it for the first time.

I understand it's been a very exciting season so far, but I heard that next week it's going to experience one small glitch. Apparently they're going to spend about 1/4 of the show with the camera trained on a bathroom stall door while Jack takes a dump. I guess it was bound to happen sooner or later.

Hmmm, taking a dump. Uh oh. I have a feeling this post is going to take a quick turn for the worse.

But there's so much to be said about it. For instance, take public bathrooms. I know for a fact that given a choice, most people would rather "hold it" than poop in public (
or PiP as I shall refer to it from this point on, so I don't have to keep saying poop). In fact, at times when I'm going to be away from home for the entire day, I'll go so far as to strategically plan my day in advance so I don't get stuck in a situation where I'll have to PiP.

No, I'm not some kind of nut job and I know I'm not alone on this one. Let's face it, there are many reasons why people don't like to PiP. Here's a few:

Bathroom hygiene - especially in men's stalls. For whatever reason men not only don't pick up the seat when they wiz, they frequently "wash" it while they're at it. That pretty much puts it out of commission for me right there.

However, that's not the worst thing you'll find in the men's toilet. I can't tell you how many times I've walked into the can at a bar and opened the stall door only to see the ol' American Standard "fully loaded" if you know what I mean. And as a bonus for the janitor, there's usually a roll of toilet paper and two beer bottles crammed in there as well. Nice.

Embarrassment - I don't know about you, but I've never heard anyone PiP without first announcing their effort with a ceremonial tooting of the horn. I personally don't like to toot my own horn. I'm a bit humble that way.

Along with the audio shame you also have to worry about the aromatic humiliation. And usually by the time a courtesy flush is needed, it's too late anyway. Nuff said on that one.

Performance Pressure - If there's one thing I'm not good at, it's the ability to perform under pressure. I can't recall answers during trivia challenges, and I can't PuP when I PiP. All it takes is one guy tapping his foot outside the stall and I it's over for me. Being in there is stressful enough in the first place. I don't need to be on a timer as well!

Ok, now that I've shattered the "too much information" record, I think it's time to wrap this one up. And on that note, I'll leave you with an old joke - just in case you've been trapped in a stall somewhere your whole life and haven't heard it before.

What do you call a constipated German? You guessed it - Farfrompoopin!


Anonymous said...

Uck, uck, with a side of uck. I thought women's restrooms were bad, men's sound like my worst nightmare. I like the Monty Python graphic, though. :-)

Anonymous said...

I am glad you did not trash the graffito because historians have found it valuable to research past societies. The ladies names and phone numbers, however, are worthless because I have found their lines are always busy!

Mooselet said...

The one segement of the population that doesn't care about PiP are the kiddies... they'll tell everyone and their dog that they need to go poopie, or that they just went poopie. I don't think the cashier at the store needs to hear about your poop, sweetie.

Or maybe that's just my day?

Jeff and Charli Lee said...

Oh, to be young again - and proud of our poop!

What's so funny? said...

Thanks for sending me here, Harmonica Man. I enjoyed the read.

I've PERSONALLY seen toilet paper rolls shoved in the toilet along with the BM. Why is that? People get frustrated and just decide the toilet should NEVER be able to flush again? I'd love to have a hidden camera to find out the truth (after the act, of course).

Janna said...

ROFL.. *gasp*... LOL.

My stomach hurts from laughing so hard.
Really. :)