Sunday, April 02, 2006

If I Had a Million Dollars

Whoo boy, the Powerball's up the Powerball's up!

I've mentioned it before here and here. Every time the Powerball gets a little over-inflated our office gets all excited and starts gathering up the dollar bills to play. I wouldn't play if I didn't have to.

But if nothing else, all this talk about winning the lottery does give me the opportunity to at least daydream a little bit, and ask myself "what if?"

So yes, what IF I won the lottery? And not the wussy $1-2 million version, but the major "screw a person up for life" sized mega-jackpot version. What would I do?

Share the love - First up. $1 million to anyone who reads and comments on my blog on a regular basis*. Fortunately, my family is a shoe-in, so I don't have to worry about the guilt of leaving one of them out. Then there's my regular blog buddies. Your thank you check will be on its way as soon as my jackpot clears the lawyers and accountants. But as for the rest of you - well, if you're lurking I suppose I don't know who you are. Too bad!

Location, location, location - For as much as I love St. Cloud, I can't help but think there's GOT to be a better place to live in the world. And since the cost of living or moving wouldn't be an issue, I could pretty much pick my paradise. Of course I wouldn't want to live someplace too exotic like near a tropical coral reef, for instance, where I could scuba dive on a daily basis. These types of dramatic changes in one's lifestyle often require adjustment, which if not taken slowly enough may lead to extreme and sudden.... pleasure. And we wouldn't want any of that now would we.

Tune up time - Most people make do with their minor personal faults because no sane person would spend hard earned money on frivolous things like expensive cosmetic dentistry or having moles you don't like removed. Not anymore! When money is no object, health and beauty are only an appointment away. I'll take the whitest teeth, the best in-house fitness equipment (w/personal trainer) and the healthiest food money can buy thank you.

Meet me in St. Louis - or London, or Sydney or any damn place I feel like. If I was a zillionaire I would definitely travel - a lot! And to every nook and cranny the world has to offer. Heck, why stop there?

While I'm at it, why not buy one of those private space flights they're selling these days too? Ahh, I can hear me now... "Grab the really expensive wine and imported cheese, honey, we're spending our anniversary somewhere over Africa!"

But what about the starving children? Of course I would give all the morally-correct amounts to worthy causes and the like, but right now I'm having a fantasy - so back off!

Earworms and Cheese - Every time we kick in for the lottery I ALWAYS get the song If I Had a Million Dollars from Bare Naked Ladies stuck in my head for the day. Here's my favorite line:

If I had a million dollars
We wouldn't have to eat Kraft dinner
But we would eat Kraft dinner
Of course we would, we'’d just eat more


*assuming minimum take-home payout after taxes exceeds $100 million

5 comments:

Mooselet said...

Geez I hope you win. You can bring me my check when you come to Sydney.

Linda said...

Well, my husband is sure that HE is going to win the lottery, so I will be mailing the million dollar check to you. Then, I'm retiring to St. Bart's, but I will send you lots of post cards with chimpanzees.

sis said...

you're my favorite brother...at least until the numbers are disclosed!! sis

Dad said...

Both you and your daughter got millions of dollars worth of love at the 70s show, so don"t get greedy---Dad

Harmonica Man said...

There is no greed in fantasyland - that's the whole point! The odds of greed becoming a problem are about as good as, say... winning the Powerball!

You're right though. Just like the credit card commercial says, "spending time with your daughter at a 70s show... priceless!"