Sunday, August 06, 2006

Laughable Lyrics

I was listening to an "oldies" channel on the radio the other day and heard a song that I had completely forgotten about and hadn't heard since I was a young boy. The thing is, I used to really like this song and remember playing it on the piano over and over again because I thought it was so good.

But when I heard it the other day, the lyric in the first verse was so hideous I nearly choked on my sandwich from laughing so hard. I guess when you're 10 years old, your perception of lyrical quality is slightly different from that of, oh I don't know - someone who knows crap when they hear it perhaps?

This song then caused me to think about a couple of other songs I think have "laughable" lyrics - in the "they're so bad they make me laugh" sense of the word. So with that in mind, here are my picks for the 3 worst lyrics in any song - the #1 worst being the song I'm speaking of above:

#3 - REO Speedwagon - I Can't Fight This Feeling Anymore

And I can't stop this feeling anymore
I've forgotten what I started fighting for
It's time to bring this ship into the shore,
and throw away the oars, forever

- and -

And if I have to crawl upon the floor
Come crushing through your door
Baby I can't fight this feeling anymore


#2 - Jimmy Webb - MacArthur Park
Someone left the cake out in the rain
I don't think that I can take it
'cause it took so long to bake it
And I'll never have that recipe again


I recall the yellow cotton dress
Foaming like a wave
On the ground around your knees
The birds, like tender babies in your hands
And the old men playing checkers by the trees

God help us.

And finally, my #1 pick for most laughable lyrics...

Bobby Goldsboro - Honey
See the tree how big it's grown
But friend it hasn't been too long
It wasn't big


She wrecked the car and she was sad
And so afraid that I'd be mad
But what the heck

Holy crap. What were people thinking? I mean, not only did Bobby Goldsboro write this garbage, but millions of people actually paid money to buy it! Wow.

So now I ask you...

What is your pick for Most Laughable Lyric?


Heather said...

Well, I don't know if they're laughable per se, but when I was a kid I thought that Blondie's song "The Tide Is High" held the following lyrics. (I know better now, thank you very much.)

"The tide is high and I'm movin' on. I'm gonna be your 901...901."

WTF did I think 901 was? "No, I don't want to be number one, I'll settle for 900 people later, thanks!"

Dave2 said...

Well it certainly wouldn't be REO Speedwagon's "Can't Fight This Feeling," which I always thought were quite good lyrics about a guy who wandered away from love, realized what he was missing, then was willing to do whatever it takes to get it back.

I mean, compare that to Ashlee Simpson's "Get Nasty"...

All the nasty girls around the world
All the nasty girls around the world
Get nasty, get nasty

I'm living on the floor get down with me
I'm living on the floor come oompf with me
Get nasty, get nasty
Get nasty, get nasty

30 seconds highs and 30 seconds lows
I forgot my car let's a drive and go
Somebody call a cop a riots on the way
When we get to the club they'll be hell to pay
When we get to the club somebody better play
Get nasty, get nasty
Get nasty, get nasty

Everybody's lookin for a good time
Don't you know a good time doesn't hurt
Everybody wants to feel the spotlight
So let me show you how my nasty works

Yeah, there are far, FAR worse lyrics than Speedwagon.

yoo hoo said...

'Cause now, it's Judy's turn to cry
Judy's turn to cry,
Judy's turn to cry
'Cause Johnny's come back (Johnny's come back, come back) to me

Oh, when Judy left with Johnny at my party (my party)
And came back wearing his ring,
I sat down and cried my eyes out
Now, that was a foolish thing

Boo fuckin hoo...wench! Shut up and get a kleenex.Ick I hate that song, and it was old when I was born! :)

Jeff and Charli Lee said...

heather - Funny. And I thought sloppy seconds was gross.

dave - I agree it had an excellent love song message. But you gotta admit, it does sound like his rhyming dictionary got stuck on the "or" page.

b-licious - No kidding!

Mooselet said...

I was a huge Duran Duran fan as a teenager, and while most of their lyrics don't make any sense at all ("Union of the Snake" - WTH is that?), the most bizarre that I sang which such 13-year old feeling have to go to "Save A Prayer":

Feel the breeze deep on the inside,
Look you down into your well
If you can, you'll see the world in all his fire
Take a chance
(Like all dreamers can't find another way)
You don't have to dream it all, just live a day

Don't say a prayer for me now,
Save it 'til the morning after
No, don't say a prayer for me now,
Save it 'til the morning after
Save it 'til the morning after,
Save it till the morning after

Yeah, I knew just what they were talking about.

Anonymous said...

Mine would have to be "Rock abye baby", the classic lullaby.

"And down will come baby, cradle and all."

Ouch, poor Baby!

I used to Love HONEY when I was a kid, too.

Anonymous said...

What about "California Wine," also by Bobby Goldsboro? He's out driving, picks up a chick with a bottle of wine, they make out and drink the wine while he drives her to California. Making out with a skank he just met and drinking while driving. What an ass. "Good Morning Starshine," "Crimson and Clover" . . . I had to explain to my kids when they were little that people were on drugs a lot in the sixties and a lot of lyrics just don't make sense.

Anonymous said...

Have you noticed that none of the music of today ever becomes a great musical? Also how many of the current rappers and others that are so successful, can play classical music?

Waya said...

I liked that Reo Speedwagon song in the 80's and still do. At least it's not as nasty as a lot of the Pop or hip hop songs out there currently that I just can't change the station fast enough, before my kids start singing "booties" or something obnoxious!!

yoo hoo said...

I'm really not as bitter as I sound...really, not even close.

yellojkt said...

MacArthur Park is a legendary dopey song, but the dopiest lyrics of all time is "Rocket Man" by Elton John (and I'm sure Bernie Taupin):

Mars ain’t the kind of place to raise your kids
In fact it’s cold as hell
And there’s no one there to raise them if you did
And all this science I don’t understand
It’s just my job five days a week
A rocket man, a rocket man

If he's not a scientist what the hell is he doing in outer space? And since it's just his job five days a week, where does he go on the weekend, Uranus?

Anonymous said...

I liked Sugar Sugar by the Archies as a youngster. One taste of those lyrics will give you diabetes. There is a song on the radio now that gets my vote as terrible song writing. I think it is called "You"re Beautiful" because that appears to be the only lyrics in the song.

Anonymous said...

Because it's been so dry, last week I built a small toad pond behind my garage. Unfortunately every time I go back there,I get the song "Midnight at the Oasis" stuck in my head for the rest of the day. It's an exquisite toture. "And you won't need no camel
When I take you for a ride!
Oy Vey!

Jess Riley said...

I love this idea for a post! Unfortunately, I just drank two glasses of wine and finished listening to The Kite Runner on CD and am too emotionally verklempt to think of any laughable lyrics right now...but I do know there are some dandies on jukeboxes in taverns all over my city. If only I could remember them right now!!!

Anonymous said...

How about Rocketman...

Mars aint the kind of place to raise your fact it's cold as hell. And there's no one there to raise them if you did.

If I did what? Bring my kids to Mars? Oh Elton...