Sunday, August 20, 2006

Weekend Update



Here are a few things that made me chuckle this week:



Hello!
Actual dialog between me and my Office Depot sales assistant:

Me:
Do you have any more of these black dry erase menu boards in stock?

ODsa: Let me check! ("beep" as he scans the label on the shelf with his scanner gun) Oh no, sorry. But I can order one for you.
Me: I guess that would be ok. Thanks.

ODsa (now up front at the checkout till): Ok, that will $42.80.
Me: I'm sorry, but the price on the shelf said it was only $32.

ODsa: That's true, but there is an $8 shipping charge.
Me: That doesn't make any sense. Why should I pay a shipping charge for a product that you ran out of?
ODsa: Because I'm ordering it for you. We have to place our orders online the same way you would.
Me: Well, I'll pass then. Is there any way you can just take my name and let me know when your next shipment comes in?
ODsa: Oh sure, I can give you a raincheck and we'll give you a call.
Me: That would be fine. And when do you expect those?
ODsa: They should in be later this week.
Me: All riiiighty then. But just one more question... If I had ordered it from you, when would that have come in?
ODsa: With the same shipment - later this week.

BOING!!!

_____________________________________________

ArachnoFriday - No kidding, I am NOT making this up.

Friday morning I was driving to work and my ankle was itching. I reached down to scratch it and pulled a tiny little spider off of it.

Friday at work I felt something crawling on the back of my neck so I reached around and smacked it as hard as I could. Sure enough, a medium-sized black spider.


Friday evening I was unloading my band gear from my van for a gig I was at, and a large fuzzy brown spider was crawling up my arm. I nearly dropped my amp.

What the hell?
_____________________________________________

Not Separated at Birth - Ok, time to dispel the rumor. Although we do look similar, I am NOT Alton Brown's illegitimate older brother.

UNLESS... Mom - is there something you're not telling me???
















Alton......................................................................................................Jeff


And finally...

Three ways I showed my wife how much I cared on our 17th anniversary on Saturday:
1. I picked up my dirty underwear from the bedroom floor
2. I told her that she was so naturally beautiful that expensive jewelry would just be wasted on her
3. I let her make the dinner reservations - at the buffet of her choice!

She is ONE lucky woman - no doubt about that!

20 comments:

Blog-o-licious said...

My very sweet husband tells he he doesn't get jewlery, consequently neither do I.

Dave2 said...

Uncanny. Just uncanny.

You are not Alton Brown's illegitimate older brother... YOU'RE HIS CLONE!! :-)

Kal said...

She's quite lucky to have you, a lesser man would've covered her natural beauty with some tacky diamond earrings or something...

I hope you were also gallant enough to help her avoid getting painful cuts by not buying her a dozen, or worse yet, 17 red roses...

Mooselet said...

Ack, Spider Invasion!!! We've had two monster spiders in the house last week - the kind you could saddle and ride to work.

As for the anniversary "gift" - have you been corresponding with my husband? Because that sounds suspiciously like what the Hermit does on special occassions.

Jenny said...

How much do I love this post? A lot.

If you feel an itch don't scratch it. The way you're going it'll be a taratula the size of a small dog.

Waya said...

WOW! You are DA man for doing ALL that for your wife, Alton! I mean Jeff. I mean there is a resemblance there, so does that mean you can cook too?

Linda said...

Opening everywhere Friday - DUHN DUHN DUHN! - SPIDERS ON JEFF! Yucky, don't post pics of those nasty things. In Oklahoma, we have fiddlebacks, those things will eat your soul. I just finished smashing one to death with a phone book not twenty minutes ago.

I didn't get jewelry for my 23rd anniversary last month, but my husband didn't bother to tell me it was because of my natural beauty. Hmmm . . . .

Harmonica Man said...

blog-o - He makes an excellent point!

dave - That could be true, but then somehow the cloning process must have lost the whole "wildly successful celebrity chef" gene.

kal - In fact I was sensititve to the rose thorns thing. You can never be too thougtful.

mooselet - Yes, I have been seeking advice from Hermit. And he's been VERY helpful, thank you.

jenny - I know, I was afraid to pull back the sheets and climb into bed on Friday night! Spiders - UGH! *shiver*

waya - Actually, cooking was my first career. But I was 20 years ahead of the whole TV cooking show phenomenon. Unless you consider Julia Childs a phenomenon.

linda - Hey, if "Snakes On A Plane" can be all the craze, I don't see any reason why "Spiders On Jeff" can't be all that too. Thanks for the suggestion. I'm calling Hollywood now!

Karl said...

Office Depot, those sneaky punks. Ugh, I hate hate HATE spiders. And you do look freakishly like Mr. Brown.

nikki said...

you have way better hair than alton brown and i'm sure your wife was just *thrilled* about being able to go to her buffet place of choice. nothing says romantic like a buffet restaurant and no jewelry as a present. man i'm jealous. promise me you won't ever tell my husband your secrets!

but Momma said...

I hope she laughed all the way to the desert section.

Time to fumigate the car.

Could you make money being a celeb look alike?

Those sneaky bastards at Office Depot, trying to line their pockets double dipping on the shipping!

Love the multi-post.

Harmonica Man said...

karl - I'll have to think about what that means to look "freakishly" like someone else :-\

nikki - Thanks! That's the first time ANYONE has EVER said I have "way better hair" than... well, anything - including naked mole rats.

but momma - Hmmm, make money as a look alike? I'll have to like, look into that. Ha!

VENTL8R said...

Stopping by way of Mocha. The side-by-side of you and Alton is rather disturbingly freaky. Gads.....is your brain full of useless fiddly bits like his? Granted, he has a bank of researchers making him look all hoity-toity and a closet Jeopardy! champ-wanna-be.

Bugwit Homilies said...

Harp man: Have you acquired any super-powers yet?

Harmonica Man said...

ventl8r - My bits are plenty fiddly, but they're not useless, and definitely have nothing to do with my brain.

bugwit - Yes, I now have the power to imagine there are spiders crawling on me constantly. But I use these powers for good, not evil.

Mom said...

About Elton---Nope----no secrets!!!You may look a lot like him,but I'm willing to bet you're a lot nicer than him!!!!{That's 'cuz they don't come any nicer than you}!!

Harmonica Man said...

GAH! Mom! It's ALTON with an "A", not Elton. I do NOT look like Elton! There happens to be a slight difference between the two. I'm just saying.

wendy boucher said...

Buffet restaurant? What a lucky lady, and I mean that in the least sincere way possible, Spider Man.

Onetallmomma said...

Yup, the resemblance is uncanny. Do folks mistake you for him on the street?

And I still think your wife is blessed.

Missed you these past few weeks. I read the last few posts to catch up. We have to talk about that RSS thingy...I'm confused.

Heather said...

I had a similar experience at Staples. They'd order a printer cartridge combo for me that was out of stock (the individual cartridges were in stock) It would have cost me about $8 more to order the combo pack, that really only saves you $3.

If you could follow that, you'd know it wasn't a great deal.

Wow. A twin. That's sort of weird. Although I have people say that I look like someone they know all the time...maybe I should have a chat with my Mom.

Yech. I hate spiders. And I hate them even more when they crawl on me. I think if I had a day like that I'd have to drink heavily that night...or something like that.

My hubby pretty much never picks up underwear, so you must be a stellar hubby.