Here are a few things that made me chuckle this week:
Hello! Actual dialog between me and my Office Depot sales assistant:
Me: Do you have any more of these black dry erase menu boards in stock?
ODsa: Let me check! ("beep" as he scans the label on the shelf with his scanner gun) Oh no, sorry. But I can order one for you.
Me: I guess that would be ok. Thanks.
ODsa (now up front at the checkout till): Ok, that will $42.80.
Me: I'm sorry, but the price on the shelf said it was only $32.
ODsa: That's true, but there is an $8 shipping charge.
Me: That doesn't make any sense. Why should I pay a shipping charge for a product that you ran out of?
ODsa: Because I'm ordering it for you. We have to place our orders online the same way you would.
Me: Well, I'll pass then. Is there any way you can just take my name and let me know when your next shipment comes in?
ODsa: Oh sure, I can give you a raincheck and we'll give you a call.
Me: That would be fine. And when do you expect those?
ODsa: They should in be later this week.
Me: All riiiighty then. But just one more question... If I had ordered it from you, when would that have come in?
ODsa: With the same shipment - later this week.
BOING!!!
ArachnoFriday - No kidding, I am NOT making this up.
Friday morning I was driving to work and my ankle was itching. I reached down to scratch it and pulled a tiny little spider off of it.
Friday at work I felt something crawling on the back of my neck so I reached around and smacked it as hard as I could. Sure enough, a medium-sized black spider.Friday evening I was unloading my band gear from my van for a gig I was at, and a large fuzzy brown spider was crawling up my arm. I nearly dropped my amp.
What the hell?
Not Separated at Birth - Ok, time to dispel the rumor. Although we do look similar, I am NOT Alton Brown's illegitimate older brother.
UNLESS... Mom - is there something you're not telling me???
Alton......................................................................................................Jeff
And finally...
Three ways I showed my wife how much I cared on our 17th anniversary on Saturday:
1. I picked up my dirty underwear from the bedroom floor
2. I told her that she was so naturally beautiful that expensive jewelry would just be wasted on her
3. I let her make the dinner reservations - at the buffet of her choice!
She is ONE lucky woman - no doubt about that!
20 comments:
My very sweet husband tells he he doesn't get jewlery, consequently neither do I.
Uncanny. Just uncanny.
You are not Alton Brown's illegitimate older brother... YOU'RE HIS CLONE!! :-)
She's quite lucky to have you, a lesser man would've covered her natural beauty with some tacky diamond earrings or something...
I hope you were also gallant enough to help her avoid getting painful cuts by not buying her a dozen, or worse yet, 17 red roses...
Ack, Spider Invasion!!! We've had two monster spiders in the house last week - the kind you could saddle and ride to work.
As for the anniversary "gift" - have you been corresponding with my husband? Because that sounds suspiciously like what the Hermit does on special occassions.
How much do I love this post? A lot.
If you feel an itch don't scratch it. The way you're going it'll be a taratula the size of a small dog.
WOW! You are DA man for doing ALL that for your wife, Alton! I mean Jeff. I mean there is a resemblance there, so does that mean you can cook too?
Opening everywhere Friday - DUHN DUHN DUHN! - SPIDERS ON JEFF! Yucky, don't post pics of those nasty things. In Oklahoma, we have fiddlebacks, those things will eat your soul. I just finished smashing one to death with a phone book not twenty minutes ago.
I didn't get jewelry for my 23rd anniversary last month, but my husband didn't bother to tell me it was because of my natural beauty. Hmmm . . . .
blog-o - He makes an excellent point!
dave - That could be true, but then somehow the cloning process must have lost the whole "wildly successful celebrity chef" gene.
kal - In fact I was sensititve to the rose thorns thing. You can never be too thougtful.
mooselet - Yes, I have been seeking advice from Hermit. And he's been VERY helpful, thank you.
jenny - I know, I was afraid to pull back the sheets and climb into bed on Friday night! Spiders - UGH! *shiver*
waya - Actually, cooking was my first career. But I was 20 years ahead of the whole TV cooking show phenomenon. Unless you consider Julia Childs a phenomenon.
linda - Hey, if "Snakes On A Plane" can be all the craze, I don't see any reason why "Spiders On Jeff" can't be all that too. Thanks for the suggestion. I'm calling Hollywood now!
Office Depot, those sneaky punks. Ugh, I hate hate HATE spiders. And you do look freakishly like Mr. Brown.
you have way better hair than alton brown and i'm sure your wife was just *thrilled* about being able to go to her buffet place of choice. nothing says romantic like a buffet restaurant and no jewelry as a present. man i'm jealous. promise me you won't ever tell my husband your secrets!
I hope she laughed all the way to the desert section.
Time to fumigate the car.
Could you make money being a celeb look alike?
Those sneaky bastards at Office Depot, trying to line their pockets double dipping on the shipping!
Love the multi-post.
karl - I'll have to think about what that means to look "freakishly" like someone else :-\
nikki - Thanks! That's the first time ANYONE has EVER said I have "way better hair" than... well, anything - including naked mole rats.
but momma - Hmmm, make money as a look alike? I'll have to like, look into that. Ha!
Stopping by way of Mocha. The side-by-side of you and Alton is rather disturbingly freaky. Gads.....is your brain full of useless fiddly bits like his? Granted, he has a bank of researchers making him look all hoity-toity and a closet Jeopardy! champ-wanna-be.
Harp man: Have you acquired any super-powers yet?
ventl8r - My bits are plenty fiddly, but they're not useless, and definitely have nothing to do with my brain.
bugwit - Yes, I now have the power to imagine there are spiders crawling on me constantly. But I use these powers for good, not evil.
About Elton---Nope----no secrets!!!You may look a lot like him,but I'm willing to bet you're a lot nicer than him!!!!{That's 'cuz they don't come any nicer than you}!!
GAH! Mom! It's ALTON with an "A", not Elton. I do NOT look like Elton! There happens to be a slight difference between the two. I'm just saying.
Buffet restaurant? What a lucky lady, and I mean that in the least sincere way possible, Spider Man.
Yup, the resemblance is uncanny. Do folks mistake you for him on the street?
And I still think your wife is blessed.
Missed you these past few weeks. I read the last few posts to catch up. We have to talk about that RSS thingy...I'm confused.
I had a similar experience at Staples. They'd order a printer cartridge combo for me that was out of stock (the individual cartridges were in stock) It would have cost me about $8 more to order the combo pack, that really only saves you $3.
If you could follow that, you'd know it wasn't a great deal.
Wow. A twin. That's sort of weird. Although I have people say that I look like someone they know all the time...maybe I should have a chat with my Mom.
Yech. I hate spiders. And I hate them even more when they crawl on me. I think if I had a day like that I'd have to drink heavily that night...or something like that.
My hubby pretty much never picks up underwear, so you must be a stellar hubby.
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