Friday, September 22, 2006

Search Strings

Every blogger has them. Most of them are innocent enough but some are downright twisted. As well, some are funny while others are just plain stupid.

I've done this before, as have many others - but I always find it amusing.

What I'm referring to is listing a few of the search strings that have led some poor lost souls to my blog. Given the notion that people have actually keyed these words into an internet search engine, you sometimes have to wonder what was going through their minds at the time.

For example, this first set of searches all probably came from this post. These are just four of the dozens of urinary queries my readers have placed:

trying not to pee my pants - Since it's safe to assume a toddler wasn't using Google, I'd have to recommend Depends.

big pee pee woman - Tell me about it. Who isn't looking for a woman with a giant bladder!

remove pee dog - Yes, please put the pee dog outside. Thank you.

bad aim son pee - This of course could have come from ANY mom who is potty training her first boy.

Then you have the kinkier types:

sex tape -
For when you've misplaced your handcuffs and need something to bind her hands in a hurry.

naked sturgis rally pictures - Be careful what you're asking for here. I'm just saying. I've been there.

Here's one from the culinary sect:

alton brown soup - Hey, if you can get ahold of his old bath water - more power to ya!

And finally, from one concerned reader who apparently doesn't want to step into the wrong type of relationship once again:

can maggots hurt people? - Only the really insensitive ones.


Heather said...

I enjoyed your pee pee post. I too hate porta-potties and hated taking my daughter into one to pee. "Wow! It stinks in here Mommy!" You think?

Funny, when I was in my 20s and drunk at a street dance (I know, classy) I didn't mind at all.

But I always let a pregnant mommy budge. You'd think the karma would have come back to me during my pregnancies, but alas, no.

Dave2 said...

You've cornered the blogosphere market on "pee!"

We make a great team, because I think I've got the blogosphere market covered for "poop!" :-)

RC said...

that's pretty funny...

i get a lot of wierd one's of people wanting to see inappopriate pictures of the kid in harry potter and dakota fanning.

sickos! they won't find that on my blog.

--RC of

Mooselet said...

Well, those maggots did hurt your back, so I think that qualifies.

Will you let me know how you get the boys to aim properly? I've been working on it for nearly a decade and he still hasn't gotten it right... and then there's my son!

Anonymous said...

What do you mean "bind HER hands"?

Anonymous said...

"Only the really insensitve ones"

God, you crack me up.

Some guy found me by googing "Oprah's va-jay-jay" and then wrote about how weird I was for writing about it.

Pot, meet kettle.

Jeff and Charli Lee said...

heather - My wife absolutely will NOT use a porta potty, no matter how painful it gets. I keep waiting for that one time when she has no choice. I'm just curious that way.

dave - Hmmm, "cornered the blogsphere market on pee." Now if I can just figure out how to turn that into a profit.

rc - Yeah, it doesn't seem to matter what you write about. There's always somebody out there who wants to see naked pictures about it.

mooselet - Boy, I hear that girlfriend! Why just the other day I was cleaning the toilet area (for the 3rd time) and I was thinking the same thing! (Ha! I crack me up!)

linda - Something you care to share with rest of us?

jenny - I'd key in the same search so I can read your story on that, but I don't want to show up on your traffic report as another one of your "Pots." Crackpots that is.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for sharing. I love these.

Jess Riley said...

LOL! Thanks for the laugh. You just reminded me to check my sitemeter. I haven't looked for the search strings in awhile.

Anonymous said...

You knew the maggot post would come back to haunt you!

Anonymous said...

I'm just your regular drive by blogger! Happy Friday!

yellojkt said...

Those are very funny. I have one very disturbing one I am saving for someday.

Jenn said...

can maggots hurt people? What kind of question is that?????

That is funny.

Corner market for pee? Adsense with google...even I am making .02 a day.

Waya said...

So you had the handcuffs afterall! And if we need to know anything about pee, I'll know where to look.