Sunday, November 12, 2006

10 Not So Favorite Things About Me

Uh oh. I appear to have picked something up from the blogsphere.

Jennine gave it to me and she got it from Heather.

I'm talking about a new Meme to reveal 10 Things You Hate About Yourself. Ok, I'll play. But I'll have to modify it a bit since I don't actually "hate" anything about myself per se. So, in the spirit of fair play, here are

10 Not So Favorite Things About Me

In no particular order...

1. I have a hard time expressing my humor in writing.
I always feel like I'm a lot funnier in person than I am on my blog. When I'm around people, it's easy for me to yuk it up and funny things seem to fly out of mouth. But for whatever reason, I can't seem to push this humor out the ends of my fingertips and onto my keyboard - at least not to my satisfaction.

2. I'm not intimidating at all.
Seriously. If I ever had to try to act like a badass to defend myself against a real badass, I'm pretty sure my opponent would do a spit-take with laughter. "Pffft... Ooh, don't hurt me!" Which leads me to #3.

3. I'm not confident in my ability to defend myself.
Since I've never actually been in a real fight with anyone (not counting the time a guy took a swing at me but was so drunk he missed) I'm not sure how I would do. I've always imagined I would kick some serious butt, but without any actual experience all I can do is speculate.

So, the message to all is: Don't mess with me. I might kick your ass. Or I might not. Do you feel lucky? Huh? Punk?

4. My big toes frequently hurt.
I have no idea why, but for some stupid reason I have trouble with my big toes getting sore. About every few months the sides of them get tender and irritated and then I have to soak them for a few days and then they're all better. I suppose I could have a foot person take a look sometime, but that would be inconvenient. Apparently more inconvenient than having to soak your feet.

5. I never got the chance to "make it" in the music business.
This isn't necessary anything I dislike about myself but more of a disappointment in the music business itself. Considering how talented Livingston Fury was, I have cringed way too many times over the years at how so many crap bands have made it big, while we were left to simply die on the vine.

6. I suck at math.
For some reason, my brain has never been able to process numbers very effectively. It's especially apparent when you see me using my fingers to calculate such things as my server's tip at the restaurant.

And until the last few years, I've always been able to get away with sucking at math. It was kind of my problem and nobody else was affected by it. But now my kids are coming to me for help with their homework and I have to concede and apologize that I can't help them. I hate that. However, to my credit - they ARE coming to me with high-school algebra and geometry problems so I try not to feel too bad. I mean, when was the last time YOU had to calculate the area of a trapezoid?

7. I was never given the last 1/3 octave of my vocal range.
This is just one of those "I wish I had" kind of complaints. When God was handing out voices to people like Tony Lewis and John Waite he must have gave away all the high ones, because by the time I came around all I got was a baritone.

I really shouldn't complain. I have an excellent voice and know how to use it well. I've also learned to choose songs that fit my vocal range, so it never really shows that I have any limitations. I just wish I had more options.

8. I have a wussy back.
Probably from years of shlepping band gear. But lately it's been bothering me more frequently - and for less reasons. It seems all I have to do now is lift a few heavy things and the next day I'm feeling it. I've been seeing a chiropractor but not on a regular basis - more like after it's too late, which of course is NOT the recommended program. As a matter of fact, my back is hurting me right now. Joy.

9. I was never able to finish my degree.
When we first got married I went to a state college and received my 2-year Associate degree in computer programming with no problem. As a matter of fact, I maintained a 4.0 GPA and was honored as Student of the Year. Then, 6 years later I went back to college with a continuing ed program to obtain my BA. For the next 2 years I spent nearly every night studying and working my ass off to complete the program requirements - achieving a 4.0 GPA again.

So why didn't I graduate?

That's a good question. I blame the school. You see the program was designed for working adults who couldn't fit into a regular college schedule. The only problem, however, was that they only provided enough classes to complete the requirements of the major - nothing else. So, after two painful years of bustin my butt to get my BA, I completed the program but was left with 4 elective classes short of a diploma. Oh, I had plenty of extra elective credits on my transcript to meet the total requirements - this school just wouldn't take them! And guess what - nobody offers a continuing ed college program to simply pick up a few spare electives. So here I sit today - 4 classes short of a 4-year degree and no good way to wrap it up.

Wow, that was a long answer. Don't worry, the last one is going to be very short. Or maybe I should say thin.

10. My hair.
Nuff said.


Dave2 said...

Fighting totally hurts... even if you are the one throwing the punches... I recommend against it. :-)

Anonymous said...

Jeff- If it makes you feel any better, I'm worried about how I would do in a fight, too. I'm even afriad to break up my kids spats.

And regarding the math thing... ugh.. I think I'd rather be in a fight.

I'm now in therapy after doing this meme and getting reviewed at IT2M. You were brave to play along.

Anonymous said...

maybe being "funny" is relative? i find your writing is funny :)

Anonymous said...

You crack me up, I think you very funny! My husband says he like my blog, but I'm actually funnier in person. go figure!
And math is totally overrated.

Mom Thumb said...

I got an Associate's Degree, then went to UWS when we lived in Duluth and took two years of paralegal training. Because the program wasn't accredited, I never got a certification (diploma, I suppose). That's always really bugged me.

Who needs math, we have calculators!

Mooselet said...

I'm with you on the math, Jeff. Can't do much more than basic pre-algebra, which as you say is a problem when your kids come to you and say "Mom, what's a quadrilateral?" Uh, something to do with the number 4?

Don't sweat the hair - some of the best looking men in the world are bald as a cue ball.

Ashley Lasbury said...

Get thyself to an acupuncturist my dear man. It will heal your toes and possible your back.

From one who knows.

Anonymous said...

I too am terrible at math. I worry about the day my kids come to me for help with their math homework.

Sorry about the therapy Jennine.

Don't forget to do the follow-up (perhaps more cheerful) 10 things I like about me.

Look on the bright side Jeff, you save $$ on haircuts.

Waya said...

Yeah Math, my worse subject. Just because I'm Asian...people assume that I'm good at Math, but au contraire I'm afraid.

Anonymous said...

What's a trapazoid?

Anonymous said...

Math sucks, so sayeth the parroted one.

I'm with you on the vocal range thing. Get me above a C and there's some crackin' to be happenin'.

Anonymous said...

I hate my hair too.

Jeff and Charli Lee said...

dave - I'll take your word for it!

jennine - A person can get a lot more beat up by IT2M than any fight, that's for sure.

gabrielle - Thanks. It also helps to HAVE funny relatives!

carla - Hmmm, maybe people like us should have court stenographers follow us around to record our funnyness.

mom thumb - Maybe we should get one of those "online" degrees, you know, so we have something to hang on our wall. Or not.

mooselet - Ahh, I hear a compliment in there somewhere! You DO include me in your "some of the best looking men in the world" group - right?

ashley - Sounds interesting. I'd like to learn more. I'll send you a note.

heather - That would be nice, but unfortunately for me they don't charge by the pound.

waya - And who would have thought that Asians could speak French too?!!

jenny - It's a little cage used to catch that annoying Domino's Pizza cartoon thing. No, wait - that's a trapanoid. Sorry.

kal - That explains why you can't sing On Top of Old Smokey. You know, because you can't sing above sea level (c-level, get it? Rrrrrr)

sandy - I'll trade ya!

Bugwit said...

I find you very funny!

You are absolutely right about Livingston Fury. I'll bet sometimes you wonder if it was just you imagination that you were good.

Nope, I bought lots of stuff in the eighties, and your material stands right with it.

Jeff and Charli Lee said...

Thanks a lot Bug. I always appreciate the nice words of a fellow player!

but Momma said...

Louise Hay says toe pain = fear of the future.

I only know this because I have toe pain. And I was thinking if I could get over my fear of the future, I could pass on the foot surgery.

You may be funnier in person, but your darn funny on paper!