My dad's name is Bill.
Over the past year, I have posted several sets of classic sayings my dad is so famous for - at least among the people who know him. Fortunately it's really easy to get to know him. All you have to do is read through the list of the other Bill-isms in my sidebar, as they represent about 90% of the things you'll hear him say on a regular basis.
Over the last year I thought I had remembered all of the known Bill-isms, but like fossils in the mud, more are still being discovered. Last weekend my friends and I put our collective heads together and unearthed these gems:
"Higher than a Nazi spy"
Bill's favorite way to indicate someone is stoned or drunk. I'm not actually sure what this even means.
"Didn't know if he was on foot or horseback"
Another variation of the one above. It may be dumb, but at least it makes sense. Kind of.
"Why do they put fences up around cemeteries?"
EVERY time you pass a graveyard Bill has to fire off this old joke. The punchline?
Because everyone is dying to get in!
"A short pencil is better than a long memory"
Whatever you do, do NOT tell Bill you have forgotten something - because he will NOT forget to say this.
"Measure twice cut once"
This may be a classic carpenter's adage, but Bill now has the rights to it. If you say something 1 million times then it's yours. It's that simple.
"Play something you know!"
This one has a personal sting to it that dates back to my teen years. This was always Bill's first response anytime he would hear my friends and I play a song in one of our bands - no matter how well we performed it. For some reason I never found this one funny.
"He swears like a one-eyed carpenter"
On the other hand, I always thought this one was funny.
"You can't take it with you"
...to the afterlife that is. Bill's reminder to all of us not to be too greedy. And to his credit - Bill is, and always has been, one of the most generous and giving people I have ever met.
I learned my lesson months ago not to say this will be the last set of Bill-isms. So until next time!