Tuesday, January 16, 2007

The "V" Factor

The other day Mitch stumbled his way on over from somewhere out in linky-land and was kind enough to say Hi.
When someone new stops by to say Hi in my comments, I always take the time to return the favor and drop by their house to see what's going on. And normally, when I make the return visit, I only have enough time to read a few posts and drop a quick “backacha dude” type of comment and move along.

But this time, when I went back to Mitch's place, I was greeted head on by his story about... *ahem*... his vasectomy of all things. This, of course, caught my attention in a big and painful reminder kind of way.

Much the way women bond over the shared pain of childbirth, I found a connection with Mitch that only guys who have had this procedure would understand (I know I know. Nothing can compare to the pain of childbirth, I'm just creating a connection reference. No need to send letters.)

Now, I know there are millions of us guys who have had this done. But except for the temporary limp we experience for a few weeks following our baseball bat to the crotch surgery, it's pretty much impossible to spot us amongst the rest of the "unmodified" men who roam the blogsphere.
And why is that? I mean surely there must be some kind of sign, some indication that we've shut off the plumbing.

The truth is there isn't. No,we don't walk funny. No, our voices aren't suddenly higher (although I would have appreciated that side effect as a singer), and no, we don't have any visible scars along our bikini lines - unless of course something went horribly wrong.

Nope we’re just normal guys who are trying to forget our “snip” as soon as possible. If we can. Of course for those of you who are curious - Mitch does a great job of describing the procedure here.

There was, however, one little exception to my experience that he was lucky enough to not have to endure. I’m referring to the fact that my doc either didn't give me enough local anesthesia or didn't wait long enough for it to kick in.

That’s right folks, I’m talking about “Hey doc… is it normal that I can feel you cutting into my scrotum with the scalpel? Because, before I pass out – I’d just like to say that this is a little bit uncomfor………………………”

True story.

And one I was trying to forget.

Thanks Mitch.

You broke my will
Oh, what a thrill
Goodness gracious
great balls of fire

-Jerry Lee Lewis-


Mooselet said...

Oh man, I'm so sorry I'm laughing so hard at your pain. Really... ok, maybe not really, but I am sorry. :-)

There used to be a show on The Learning Channel called 'The Operation' that I used to watch. One night I had crashed at my brother's apartment and fell asleep on his couch whilst watching a vasectomy. Yeah, riveting stuff. Anyway, my brother came home after I had nodded off and the show was still on... he later accused me of watching The Josef Mengele Channel and asked if I would pay for his therapy.

Hope the bag of frozen peas came in handy!!!

Heather said...

Ack. Thanks for the visual Jeff.

Hey, my spinal block was wearing off toward the end of my son's c-section birth...

Yeah, that doesn't feel good either.

Sandy said...

Hey, my husband just wrote about his little procedure over at his blog...you can bond with him too if you'd like.

Oh, and Heather will tell you. I am MORE than happy to describe it to anyone and everyone I meet. (It's one of the 6 weird things about me).

deborah said...

Thank you for the constant giggles! I love the pic!!!

wayabetty said...

OMG! That picture! OUCH! I feel your pain and I can relate as well with my 2nd child.

Ready for the story? While giving birth, I had a "tear" so the OB had to stitch me up and at one point I could feel the needle and I was like you, uh...can you give me some more local anesthesia?

And as for the snip procedure, I left a comment on Mitch's recent post that my hubbie would cut off his arm for me but he adamantly refuses to get this done. And Mitch replied "what's so special about his balls any way?" My point exactly!!

Jennine said...

Darren, in an attempt to be all macho and stuff, went jogging the day after his vasectomy.

Holy balls.

Kal said...

As a "fellow traveler" in the snip brigade, I'm cringing... That "tugging" feeling was enough for me.

My only beef is that they undersell some of the post-op complications...

I completely understand some men's trepidation... (and encourage it, to be truthful...)

Mom Thumb said...

My husband never even took a Tylenol. The day after, he took my son to the slopes and skiied for 8 hours. Maybe he was numb from the cold?

Jenn said...

I feel your pain...oh, and the dude that is getting a bullhorn shish kabob...you get it. (OUCHIE)

yellojkt said...

My wife used to casually hint about how many of her coworker's husbands had been snipped. Now she talks about how many coworkers have had bonus babies when the big V reversed itself. I think I am finally in the clear.

Jeff and Charli Lee said...

jennine - Holy balls indeed. You are just too clever.

yello - Don't be so sure. I think you should probably go in and leave a sample for analysis. Yeah, that's it.

Oh, and then blog about it.

Anonymous said...

It's been almost 2 years to the day since my hubby "took one for the team!" He did great, wanted to work 2 days later (he's a pilot & was grounded for 2 weeks until he healed). But then, he watched me clench the rails of the hospital bed during my contractions because the d*mn belt they use to measure it wasn't put on right! So I guess it was a fair trade-off! :D

yoo hoo said...

There's a place here in Seattle, (that my husband never saw) (( I was the one who opted for the surgical procedure))...it's called Dr. Snippy, and they charge $500 cash for the pleasure. But when I google it, a Vet sight comes up...weird.

Anonymous said...

A nurse stumbed and bumped the surgeon during a routine vasectomy which accidently severed the penis. A reattachment of his tool failed due to infection. Fortunately a mortician located a motorcycle accident donor who provided a very nice transplant to solve his woes. His wife says. "Praise the Lord and the donor".-

Jess Riley said...

I just read Mitch's blog and it makes me want to drink lots and lots of water and eat many cranberries to maintain a healthy urinary tract.

During a random conversation with a neighbor I don't know very well she casually mentioned that her husband was snipped...it really took me aback, but I guess she found it amusing enough to share. Easy for her to joke about, huh? ;_

Anonymous said...

Ouch, Jeff. Ouch.

Anonymous said...

I found out my story was urban legend--sorry.

Kelly said...

OMG that is to funny. Sorry! My husabnd refused to get it done. I can just picture him in your situation. Not pretty at all.

MaNiC MoMMy™ said...

You know, sorry, but you get no sympathy from a woman who, after her 8 pound, 11 ounce baby boy was yanked from the depths of her uterus, felt like she could finally die because the anesthesia was not working, and I couldn't breathe and could feel everything, but it didn't really matter cuz after all, I gave my husband a son... so, what's a little scalpel to the sac? Huh, huh buddy? I ASK YOU!?!?!?!?!?!!?

; )

Anonymous said...

brad had some anesthesia issues as well. i'm trying to get him to guest post about his experience.