Tuesday, March 20, 2007

The Inside Scoop - Revealed!

Wondering what the heck I was talking about the other day???

I didn't think so. But here are the meanings behind Sunday's inside jokes anyway:

I am afraid of large butterflies - One afternoon I was standing right next to the front window of our office when a large monarch flew right up to the glass. However, In my peripheral vision it appeared as a gigantic ballistic missile coming straight toward my head - which caused me to flinch suddenly and let out a startled "ahh!" That was nearly 10 years ago and still remains one of the funniest moments in our office history. To them.

If I wear pink glasses I can't read things highlighted in pink highlighter - Early on in my programming career I struggled with eye strain from working on a computer all day long. In his infinite wisdom, my eye doctor concluded that because my computer terminal was a monochrome "green screen" (think old days folks) that it would make sense for me to have pink-tinted lenses in my glasses. Apparently that color would reduce the intensity of the green? Anyway, over time I switched to a color monitor and the problem went away. Then one day I pulled them out of my drawer and put them on in front of my current co-workers. One of them immediately highlighted a document in pink and said - "Hey Jeff, can you see this? - Hahahahahahaha!!!"
Can you feel the love?

Magazines don't make good flyswatters - especially if the fly is in the blinds - Take one fly in the blinds, one 6' 4" guy swinging at it with a magazine, and one office crew laughing their asses off and what do you get? A memory that won't go away.

I'm known as "Heifer" - This has to be the dumbest chain of events to lead to an inside nickname ever. Follow this... One day it was determined that Jodie, Jeff and Herb all had birthdays in July. Jodie immediately blurts out - "Hey, all our birthdays are in July and all our names start with J!" To which I replied, "Yeah, that's right - Jodie, Jeff and Jerb have birthdays in July." And then someone else said, "Are you sure it's not Hodie, Heff and Herb?" And then - Heff became short for Heifer and twa-la! A stupid nickname was born. And never forgotten.

Whew, I wish I had forgotten to write this post.

I'm also know as "B1" (from Bananas in Pajamas) - This stems from the fact that one of my co-workers and I high-fived the successful resolution of a particularly difficult technical problem, when another co-worker claimed - "Aw, isn't that cute. They're like B1 and B2!"
The rest of course is history.

If I seem crabby for any reason - it means my feet are sweaty - Because... when you're crabby at "my age," you might be suffering from menopause. Some of the symptoms of menopause are irritability and sweaty feet. Therefore, if I'm crabby - I obviously have male menopause and hence sweaty feet.

If I installed an appliance at home - it means I probably "got lucky" with my wife as well - One morning I came in to the office in a really good mood. When asked what I had done the night before that made me so happy that morning (wink wink) I innocently explained that I had successfully installed a new appliance (which was true since we had just bought a new dishwasher). "Oh, so that's what they're calling it these days!" was the comment that I haven't lived down yet.

My poor attitude about the lottery is the only reason we've never won - See this post. Nuff said.

And FINALLY...

I guys named Dick - A few years ago I was at a client site when it was announced that Dick Cheney was going to be visiting the next day. Even though I don't personally care for the man, I thought it was a pretty cool experience to be able to attend a private speech and witness the over-hyped security protocol associated with a man of his importance. AND - because the owner of the company he was visiting is also named Dick, the office thought it would be pretty funny to have this tee-shirt made in my honor. Needless to say I haven't worn it yet.

However, if one of you is interested in it for yourself, just say the word and it's yours. And the best part?

You can have it mean whatever you want!

13 comments:

Dave2 said...

Huh. For the last couple of weeks I've been thinking that your comments have been turned off. But today I found out that they just don't appear in my feed reader. Odd.

In any event, I miss Bananas in Pajamas. :-(

Harmonica Man said...

dave2 - Yeah, for some reason my comments are flaky. I'm supposed to get an email everytime someone adds a comment but I only get notified about 50% of the time.

onetallmomma said...

So, Heff, how much for the shirt?

but Momma said...

In my former working life, they used to call me "Big Red" when I worked at a Savings and Loans and it wasn't because I drank the soda.

I was a Teller Supervisor when I "retired" to stay home with my kids and they awarded me with a shirt that said "Refer this one time!" They obviously loved me. :)

Badoozie said...

well, now that we got all that cleared up, burn that shirt!!

Bill said...

I saw that same shirt in San Francisco!

Harmonica Man said...

ashley - The shirt is yours for the asking. Just send me your address.

but momma - They called you that cause you like chewing gum? Please, enlighten me.

badoozie - No way. Not when it's worth so much as an implement of blackmail! Mwuhahahaha!!!

bill - What you do in SF is none of our business.

yellojkt said...

Bananas in Pajamas are just too Freudian for me.

Carla said...

There is a Hamburger joint here in Seattle that is called "Dick's", that's what I've had it mean if I had that t-shirt.

Mooselet said...

That nickname story is nearly as convoluted as how I ended up being called Moose as a 10 year old skinny twig of a girl.

onetallmomma said...

Thank you. I know someone who will get a kick out of it.

I can't, for the life of me, find your e-mail address. If you send me an e-mail I will send you my address.

Wickwire said...

I read your comments from Yellowjkt. Stopped by to say hi. I liked the Heifer story. I'm from Washington state, what's taking you so long to get to my corner? ;)

Harmonica Man said...

wickwire - That's a GOOD question! Especially considering I have several first cousins who live in Seattle who invite me to stay there (with free room and food) every time I talk to them. Hello!