Sunday, May 20, 2007

The gift is in the giving. Not.

Have you ever wished you had more reasons to buy people gifts?

Yeah, I didn't think so. I think there are enough opportunities to give gifts as it is.

First, you have the legally required giving of birthdays, Christmas and your spouse's anniversary.

Next you have the social obligation gifts of weddings, graduations and religious milestones.

Then there are the morally required gifts of Mother's and Father's days. Actually, I don't mind these so much - especially since becoming a father myself.

But I could definitely do without Valentines Day. Do we really have to buy our wives a special gift that demonstrates our true love for them? Shouldn't they already know that on a daily basis? Unless of course you're a schmuck of a husband. And then I would think the wife would be insulted. You sonofabitch, you're gonna ignore me all year and then on the one day that Hallmark says you should buy me a gift you think it's gonna make me all mushy-wushy? Well think again loser!

But then you get into the really made up crap. I mean Secretary's Day? (or is it now Administrative Assistant's Day?) Pah-leeze! This ridiculous excuse for a "day" is a total Hall-marketing scam and should be tied, gagged and shot execution style.

I like getting invitations in the mail for events that would normally require a gift, but are held at no place you could ever possibly attend. Mr. and Mrs. Jonathon and Jane Doe request your presence in the marriage of their daughter Sally Doe to Harry S. Truman at the Church of Our Majestic Ceilings in the city of Kathmandu, Nepal on Saturday, June 2, 2007.

Or the graduation invite from the kid who bags your groceries down the street.

Hmmm, what do you suppose these people are looking for?

But the final straw came when I received this email the other day.

Memorial Day gifts from Rowenas - May 17, 2007

Thursday, May 17th, 2007
Happy Memorial Day from Rowena's!

Start planning your Memorial Day with gifts from Rowena's.
Whether you will be entertaining, or you are looking for a gift to
bring to a party, we've got what you need to make it an extra special
celebration.

P.S. Order now! This offer is only good from now through May 31st.
Visit our website and order through our secure server now.


Memorial Day gifts? Really? Now they want us to worry about buying a gift for Memorial Day? Uh, yeah... ain't gonna happen.

What's next, "Show your tree how much you care. Send it a lovely Hallmark card for Arbor Day!"

On the other hand, if I tell my tree I love it only once a year - I'm pretty sure it won't be offended.

15 comments:

Dan said...

Does that mean I shouldn't post my memorial gift I got you. I'm not sure in the jewelry shop will allow me to return the 24 inch diamond I bought.

Oh well, into the rubbish bin it goes.

Carla said...

When it comes to gifts I don't prefer when someone issues me a list of requested items. I feel that if I don't know them well enough to know what they would like, then they don't get a gift. boy that sounds mean doesn't it.

Schnozz said...

I might give my husband a gift for Memorial Day, since he served in Iraq and I just like getting him presents. But I certainly wouldn't expect the average person to give any gifts for Memorial Day! Sheesh.

I like Secretary's Day and Boss's Day, since I am both to myself. Cha-ching! It's time I showed me how much I appreciate me!

Hilly said...

I'm holding out for Flag Day, really. Yanno, hopefully someone will get me things that have nothing to do with flags to commemorate that special day! Oooh, I squee in anticipation!

;)

Diesel said...

I'm already preparing for the next Inappropriate Card Day, on Feb. 26.

Harmonica Man said...

dan - I didn't say I was against receiving unnecessary gifts.

carla - I agree. If we don't know each other, don't send me an invite and don't expect a gift.

schnozz - For you Schnozz, I'm happy to suspend my disdain for Secretary's Day and wish you a very happy belated Secretary's Day! But I'm still not going to buy you a gift. I have my standards.

hilly - Hey, I think you're on to something. We should think about inventing personalized flags for our blogs, and wave them on flag day. Who said the American flag should be the only flag to celebrate that day?

diesel - I can hear Hallmark firing up the presses as we speak.

Ba Doozie said...

I hug my tree's on a daily basis that should be enough...hey I woke up with wood

yellojkt said...

There are three types of holidays:

Real holidays (Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter)
Greeting Card Holidays (Mother's Day, V-Day)
and
Beer Drinking Holidays (Labor Day, Fourth of July, Drinko de May)

While Memorial Day is a solemn occcasion honoring those who have died in service to our country, plenty of beer gets drinken. No gifts need to be exchanged unless they are cold and alcoholic.

Heather said...

The only gifts we give on Memorial Day are flowers for our relatives whose bodies reside at cemetaries.

I don't think anyone minds.

Gale said...

I agree with Carla. I am a lousy gift giver anyway so if I can avoid giving one so much the better. where I work there are alot of young women who are getting married/graduating/pregnant it never ends. So I don't give gifts. I am so done with that.

Harmonica Man said...

gale - Ooh, I forgot about babies. Add that one to my "morally required" list!

wayabetty said...

WHAT?! You mean you don't give gifts on Groundhog day? What's wrong with you Jeff?!

Yeah, I'm with you on this marketing scam of gift giving. Every day should be Mother's day or Father's day, and we should just show our love towards them, not by giving a gift on one day!

onetallmomma said...

Right on! I encourage my kids to make me something when there is a gift giving opportunity. Now, if I could just convince them that all of the meals I prepare for them over the course of the year are their x-mas and birthday gifts I would be golden.

Mom Thumb said...

Exactly! That's why I did my Valentine's Day post. If you have a crappy relationship, is a VD card really going to make it better???

Harmonica Man said...

linda - No, VD does not help the situation.