I must say, this has been fun. I could easily become addicted to this whole lying thing.
Thank you to everyone who played. I honestly didn't think it was going to be that big of a challenge, but then I'm not capable of doing the math to determine the odds of getting 3 out of 6 correct. For all I know, it's like 1 in 6 billion. I'll have to ask my kids.
Anyway, I'm sorry nobody won - but hey you can get the prizes yourself! Just download the music from the links in my sidebar. And, every Monday for the next several weeks I'm going to be publishing the video clips from our Monday Night Live performance that would have been on the DVD. So it's all here anyway!
And so - here are the answers you've been waiting for. I just hope you still respect me in the morning.
1. Bungee to the eye - FALSE This did not happen to me, but I did witness this exact thing happen to another guy in a parking lot one day - including his classic quote "Oh shit, I've got a bad feeling about this." (Rick, thanks for the correction - I DID misquote that!) This guy was trying to hold down his trunk lid on his car when the cord came loose from the trailer hitch. I have no idea how it all turned out since I didn't know who he was. However, I still have nightmares about this incident and to this day ALWAYS use extra caution when using a bungee cord - and actually turn my head away from the cord as I'm stretching it.
2. Philippino call girls - TRUE This happened just the way I said. The sad thing was, some of these girls appeared to be no older than 15. I was told that it was quite common for young girls to try to hook up with the soldiers from Clark Air Base in the hopes of possibly getting married and finding a better life in the US.
3. Liquor store hold up - FALSE This is a totally fabricated lie. Even though I did play in Billings a few times nothing like this ever happened to me. I actually liked Billings. It was the only town I played in where guys were out on the dance floor boogyin' to Janet Jackson tunes in cowboy hats!
4. Mary Wilson beyotch - TRUE Ok, one confession... she was actually the evening headline act and we were more of the dance band to follow - but technically, she DID open for us. All the complaining came about when she was asked by management to use our sound equipment and monitors in an effort to reduce the setup time between acts. She didn't want to have to compromise at all and actually complained over the microphone that she "...couldn't hear anything on this system!" Our system was state of the art, top of the line gear and sounded just fine.
5. Chippendales in Iowa - TRUE Hah! Gotcha! This was a total red herring since I knew no one would believe it. Even though I purposely wrote it to sound too corny to be true - this actually happened exactly as described - including the cash. I was 21 and in a band at the time with 3 other young guys and we absolutely did not care. We figured, hey - this is no different than being in a speedo (which unfortunately was the swimsuit fashion at the time). As soon as we took off our pants the women started rushing the stage with money. And for you women out there who have seen Chippendales - you know I'm not lying. For some reason women lose their freaking minds during these shows.
6. Stranded in Wisconsin - FALSE Unlike Kirk Cameron, I was NOT left behind! This one is tricky because it could so easily be true. But there is one thing that should have made this impossible to believe... What band would EVER voluntarily play in Janesville, WI?!
So there you have it, a total stump - which is too bad. But in a way, I'm thankful.
I was worried that I would have to limit my inappropriate stories to just one!