These actual crime logs from our paper always seem to give me a chuckle.
The only thing dumber than the fact that people would actually call the police over things like these, are the conclusions to these calls.
Of course, these logs would not be complete without my added smart-assed comments in bold.
Suspicious activity was reported at 9:52 p.m. Sunday in the 1200 block of 10th Avenue North. A caller said kids were ringing her doorbell and then running away. Police could not find any kids in the neighborhood...
... but thanked the caller for being vigilant in her effort to help rid the city of dangerous doorbell ringers - and for helping to make sure no tax dollars are left unused.
A suspicious person was reported at 11:20 p.m. Monday in the 900 block of Third Avenue North. A resident said a man in his 20s with a blue backpack was walking along the road. Every time a vehicle passed, the man would hide. Police could not locate him...
...umm, because he was REALLY GOOD!
A suspicious person was reported at 7:11 p.m. Wednesday in the 1700 block of 14th Street South. A resident reported that a young woman had been walking around the area for more than an hour. She was wearing ripped clothing and appeared to be lost. Police spoke to the woman who said she lived in the area and was out for a walk. The ripped clothing was the young woman's preferred style, the officer noted.
Police then left to respond to a call for two teenagers accused of having uncombed hair.
A resident reported suspicious activity at 8:59 p.m. April 14 at Municipal Park. The resident said there was a vehicle with a man and four women in it. The resident said the man whistled at the women and told them to take their clothes off for alcohol. An officer spoke to the individuals who denied that that had happened.
They said what really happened was that the man told them to take their clothes off for Al Cohall, who happened to be a college art student looking for nude models.
Police received an animal complaint at 5:15 a.m. Saturday at Holiday Station, 1715 Second Ave. N. A caller said a 30- to 35-pound beaver was in the parking lot. Animal Control was unable to remove the beaver. An officer was busy on a call and couldn't get to the scene until 7 a.m. The beaver was gone...
... as were the Animal Control officers. A full-scale alert has since been issued for a man-eating beaver. (Note: This is the second incident of beavers gone wild in St. Cloud in the last 30 days.)