Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Oral Sects

For many years, Charli and I were part of a marriage prep program called Engaged Encounter.

This is a weekend retreat for engaged couples preparing to get married and is a requirement of the Catholic church. As a presenting couple, our job was to share our marriage experience through personal stories around the topic areas of the weekend.

On Saturday night of the weekend, the tradition was to have all the couples gather around on the floor on pillows with the lights dimmed and candles lit - and submit anonymous questions to the presenting couples and the priest. These questions could be about ANYTHING that was on their minds such as marriage, children, the church or even the best way to cook a turkey for that matter. The idea was to share our experience and wisdom as facilitators with the young couples who were preparing to start a new life together.

One weekend, someone wrote a question wondering what the Catholic church's view was on premarital oral sex, knowing full well what the established view was on "regular" premarital sex. Our guest priest for the weekend, Fr. Mark, gave a stock answer straight from the Catholic owner's manual, and more or less ended up leaving the question unanswered.

Later, when the evening was coming to a close and Fr. Mark asked if anyone had any more questions, Charli chimed in and asked if he could elaborate on his oral sex answer, suggesting that he had dodged the issue the first time around. Fr. Mark graciously complied by giving a much more detailed and thoughtful answer, and everyone seemed happy with his response - however, Charli went to bed feeling a little guilty that she had put him on the spot like that.

These weekends were held at a large retirement center for Benedictine nuns and all meals were prepared and served by the nuns themselves. The next morning as we were sitting down to eat breakfast in the cafeteria, Fr. Mark came up to our table and sat down next to Charli.

As we began chatting and carrying on with small talk, something must have triggered Charli's guilt from the night before. Because suddenly out of nowhere, when the room (full of nuns) couldn't have been any quieter, Charli turns to Fr. Mark and says...

"Oh by the way Fr. Mark... sorry about that whole oral sex thing last night."

Ya.

I don't know how many heart attacks were had that morning (no, "nun" is NOT the correct answer) but I do know one thing...

If I'd had a video camera I'd be a rich man today.

14 comments:

Heather said...

That is priceless. I'm glad I'm not the only one who puts her foot in her mouth.

Harmonica Man said...

heather - If that wasn't supposed to be a pun, it sure came out as one!

Emma Sometimes said...

Oh, that is classic.

It's good that she apologized but I hope she doesn't make a habit out of asking those questions.

Haha!
Thank you!
I'll be here all week...

Sandy said...

That's just so wrong...but hilarious!

Bill said...

This reminds me of the time I had just entered the airport secure area, when I saw my friend Jack Belino seated there. I waved and shouted "HIJACK". Everyone turned toward me and stopped talking. The room remained that way until I said, "Jack Belino, how are you Jack Belino? twice. Fortunately my back was away from the guards,and I escaped.

cathouse teri said...

I keep telling you guys NOT TO MAKE ME LAUGH OUT LOUD LIKE THAT WHILE I'M AT THE OFFICE!

Gotta love that story!

Harmonica Man said...

emma - Not bad. I'll make sure I catch your show!

sandy - Yeah, I never laughed so hard in my life. But those poor nuns. Talk about your scandals!

bill - You're lucky you didn't end up with the complimentary prostate exam!

teri - Don't worry. If you do that enough, people will just think you're crazy and eventually ignore you.

Chase said...

Oh crap. Glad I'm not Catholic. *blush*

Bill said...

That is not bad, unless he has both hands on your shoulders.

Carla said...

What did Father What's his head say?

Charlie Blockhead said...

Great Story!! It caught me completely off guard. I just snarfed my rootbeer float.

Stephanie said...

Hee!!! I never made my confirmation. Neither did Matthew. But we feel we made up for it by going to church every day while we were on our honeymoon in Ireland.

And that story, my friend, was priceless!!

BeeHappy Laurence said...

Very very funny ! :-D

P.S. Thanks for stopping by ! I want to see your avatars !!! ;-)

Jenny said...

OMG I love it.

Awesomeness.