Monday, July 23, 2007

"Bill-isms" - Green Bananas Edition

This weekend we celebrated my dad's 80th birthday.

Bill is somewhat famous on this blog for being the good-spirited source of several of my favorite posts, the ones you'll find in my sidebar under MY PARENTS called "Bill-isms." I encourage you to flip through these real quick if you haven't seen them before. They pretty much capture who Bill really is through his own "words of wisdom" he has bestowed upon us over the years.

This weekend was no exception. As we chided him about being 80, he immediately fired back his favorite joke about the last time he went to the doctor. "...and when I asked the doctor how I was doing he said, 'Well... I wouldn't buy any green bananas if I were you.'"

I doubt that I've captured all of the known Billisms, but here's a few more I've collected since the last time I posted a set:

"Just remember - you can shut the mouth of a friend, but the mouth of an enemy remains a waggling tongue forever"
Bill likes to remind you to rethink your decision with this saying any time you're about to stick it to someone.

"One thing people would rather give than receive is advice"
The single most ironic thing Bill can possibly say to you.

"Why are you hitting your toe with a hammer? Because it feels so good when I stop."
Just hurt yourself or have a headache? Bill will offer up this dumb joke as his idea of comic relief.

"Expanding gas takes on heat"
Bill will remind you of this any time the topic of refrigeration comes up. If this principle is true, however, then Bill must be one pretty hot guy - because he always seems to be a little expanded with gas.

We had a lot of fun at his party. All of his children and eight grandchildren were there to share good food, stories and this unique strawberry shortcake construction project.

Lookit here, I'm wearing Charlie Sheen's shirt!

His gift from the four of us kids was a one-year service plan to Clearwire, a high-speed wireless internet provider and much needed upgrade from the dialup plan he had been using. In fact, his dialup was so slow and unstable that he frequently wasn't able to even access my blog or your comments. That's just wrong.

Earlier in the day, before we told him about his new wireless plan, I got the opportunity to slip in an old-age jab of my own - because it's just so fun to tease the seniors. While I was sitting at his computer I was complaining about the fact it took 10 minutes to connect to the internet. But when Bill told me "Oh, you get use to it" I had no choice but to reply, "Dad - you don't have this kind of time!"
We laughed, we cried.

Anyway, on August 1st this old fine man will turn 80. And if his Bill-isms don't tell you enough about who he is, let me add this additional description...

Bill is the single most selfless, generous, kind and helpful person you will ever meet.

So with that being said, help me give Bill the big shoutout he deserves...

Happy Birthday Bill!!!

22 comments:

Elizabeth said...

Happy Birthday Bill! I hope you have a great day!!

Whit said...

Happy Birthday!

Jenny said...

Happy birthday Bill!

Now please put down the hammer.

Dad said...

I just hope Saint Peter reads your blog and the kind words you wrote about me. You can repeat them at my funeral. Please try to add a few more paragraphs of praise because judgement day is a good time to be over-insured. Also do not forget to talk loud, as Saint Peter must have poor hearing at his age. Bloggers may have heard about the preacher that greatly embelished a man at his funeral. Later a parishioner approached the casket and asked the minister if he would open it. He said, "I want to see if we are both thinking of the same man." I chose to be cremated to avoid that possible scenario. So I thank everyone for the wonderful dinner, your gem of a wife, my daughter Cindy, my three sons, the grandchildren, and my wonderful wife, for a special day in my life, even if it means I now am heading towards 90!

but Momma said...

Happy Birthday Bill!

I'm definitely taking the number one Bill-ism under consideration!

The upgrade service is a fab gift! My Mom's dial-up takes so long to pull anything up I either take short naps while surfing the internet or just give up in frustration!

Stepping Over the Junk said...

He looks like you! (or shall I say, you look like him). He is very cute, sitting on that couch with everyone around him. Very sweet. With that broadband, you should teach him how to blog some "Bill-isms". A spinoff from your blog. heh.

Heather said...

Bill is one smart, good-looking guy! Happy Birthday Bill!

Mooselet said...

Happy Birthday Bill!! I've loved the pictures and stories you've sent me about the USS Canberra, even though I haven't always gotten back to you. Your Bill-isms remind me of my own late father and they make me smile.

And personally, I don't think you look a day over 75.

Jennine said...

Bill--You are, by far, my favorite person that I almost met.

You should know that when I first discovered Bill-isms, I printed them and began using your sayings with my children who would either laugh or roll their eyes, depending on their age. Now when I say something funny, they assume it's from the list!

You're a dear man with a precious family. God Bless you.

Mom Thumb said...

Geez, for a second I thought I'd forgotten to mail Bill's birthday card - don't give me those senior moments, I have enough on my own!

Happy birthday Bill - your card's in the mail!

onetallmomma said...

So, that is what you are going to look like in a few years? Not to shabby.

Now I know where you get your wit!

Happy 80th Birthday, Jeff's Daddy!!!

Matthew said...

Happy Birthday Bill!! You have a great kid!

Ba Doozie said...

There should really be a book about billisms. I think he will like clearwire, that is what I use

Gale said...

Happy Birthday Bill, keep up the great work.

Diesel said...

Happy Birthday Bill! Don't take any wooden nickels.

neva said...

what a great post and beautiful tribute! my own beloved step-dad will turn 89 on the 19th of August, and, like your dad, he's the source of much "advice" and many MANY laughs!! (still works part time and gets in at least 18 holes of golf a week)

Bill, may the next 80 years be as joyous and filled with love as the first. Happy Birthday! : )

deborah said...

Happy Birthday, Bill! And please, by all means, keep the isms coming, even if it is through jeff's blog!

Jeff, you look just like your Dad!!! But with less hair...

Julie Pippert said...

HAPY BIRTHDAY BILL!!!

Love the Bill-isms...love your commentary on them...and ROFLOL about him wearing Charlie Sheen's shirt!!!

Bill said...

Thanks to Jeff and everyone for the kind words, but I refuse to run for president. Blogger Mooselet might be suprised to hear zoologists recently discovered that millions of years ago Minnesota was home to more poisonous snakes than Australia. The ice-age began, natural selection took place, so snakes grew fur for warmth. Unfortunately their bigger size prevented them from squeezing back into their dens. They froze while coiled for heat until the ice receded. You see Mooselet, Minnesota can now be credited with inventing the first lariet. This happened about the same time Australian aborigines invented the bomerang. I supose now I will have to worry if "I can go to Hell for lying, just as quick as you do for stealing". Thanks again everybody!

Sandi said...

What a nice tribute to your father.

Helena said...

1. I don't understand the green bananas joke. The only explanation I have is throwing up on the produce aisle at Ralph's.
2. Your usage of your father's first name seems impersonal and extended-family-ish to me. Then again, that's possibly because I still live with my parents, which is definitely because I'm fourteen, which is probably why I still call my parents Mama and Daddy.
3. Your dad is really old. (Congratulations.)

Jeff said...

helena -
1. The punchline... "Well... I wouldn't buy any green bananas if I were you." refers to the fact that he's so old he might not live long enough to see them get ripe.
2. That's a good observation, although he is my biological father and not extended. Calling him "Bill" is a result of having a lot of my friends call him that (instead of Mr. Lee) and it just made more sense to join them. And I also refer to him more as Bill on this blog just for the other reader's sake.
3. He is getting up there, and he's the first one to joke about it. In my family, we're ALL starting to get pretty old!