Sunday, July 08, 2007

Classical Gas

The other day I was sitting down next to a co-worker in the front of the office when my body sent a signal that it was time for a quick bio break.

So, the same way we all do when we are "called" like this, I stood up to begin my exit to the restroom. However, in this case, a little pocket of gas was waiting for that precise moment to release itself.


Loudly.

In front of my entire staff.

All I know is this... I might as well be working with a herd of elephants because I guarantee these people will not forget this as long as I live.

*****

So, now that I've "spilled the beans" so to speak, maybe I can at least get something in return for this life sentence. Yes, that's right - now it's your turn! Tell me about YOUR most horrific honk, traumatic toot or rattling rip. Don't be shy, be like me and STAND UP AND BE HEARD!

Seriously though, I think it would be great fun to hear your most embarrassing fart stories
either here in the comments - or better yet, in a post if you have a blog. But just don't try to tell me you don't have a story, cause either you'd be lying - or you don't have a gastrinal intestinal tract.

But then again that would probably make a pretty good story too.

15 comments:

rick said...

I remember one time I was sitting on my little brothers face... oh yeah, I forgot, that was you.
Nevermind.

Bill said...

The perfect reaction to an unexpected disturbance in you eliminating canal is to jump up, look at the closest person, and loudly say, "You dirty pig" as you run out.

Chase said...

Oh, this is an easy one.

I was in 8th grade. We were in class and the teacher let us all take the day to catch up on reading our assignments or whatever we wanted...so we spread out over the classroom and did our thing. I decided to go sit under a table at the front of the class. Instead of reading, I fell asleep.

Well, you guessed it, I farted while sleeping. Loudly. And it woke me up. After I realized what woke me up, I looked around and the entire class was looking at me. A girl in the back yelled "CHASE, WAS THAT YOU!?" and I shrugged and said, "Whoops...I woke myself up."

Everyone laughed. I was MORTIFIED.

Hilly said...

My damned corset and "fat sucking" panties that I wore for my wedding were killing me and pinching my tummy....so we'd had the wedding and the photographer was taking his keen shots when I had to bend a certain way for the shot and ooops, all gas broke loose!

Mooselet said...

During labor with my first child, while the nurse was checking how dilated I was. Never mind I was in labor and had very little control over my body, I wanted to die of embarrassment.

onetallmomma said...

I honestly can't remember...truth. I seem to have mastered the womanly art of silent farting.

Most embarrassing moment recently. On the deck of a local restaurant with my sisters and their friends. One of the friends commented on the fact that I had lost a lot of weight and asked how I had done it. My sisters saw their opportunity and ran with it. They both, I swear, yelled SEX a the same time loudly enough to stop conversation and turn heads. My face hurt from blushing.

Younger sister revenge for years and years of me having threatened their boyfriends with boldly harm.
Sweet for them...not so much for me.

Jenny said...

Chase wins. Junior high gas is the worst. They never forget it.

I don't have a lot of farting incidents but I did once scare Tom Selleck by vomiting incredibly loudly as he walked by.

True story.

Gale said...

I was standing in front of a fan talking to one of my coworkers, when one slipped out. Then because of the fan blew right into my coworker's face. Well, I didn't like her that much anyhoo.

Wickwire said...

I seem to remember reading this somewhere, a nurse went with her friends to a Mexican restaurant. A few hours later the beans caught up to her. Thinking it was faster to disappear for a few seconds in an empty room, she went in, passed gas and when she was starting to leave was startled by a doctor sleeping on a nearby bed, he said, "crack the window befor you leave would you?" and he turned over and went back to bed.

yellojkt said...

I had a coworker literally clear the room. It was so foul I had to leave my cubicle two desks down.

Mom said...

I'm 77 years old, and just recently had my first " embarrassing gas" moment We were at a church spaghetti dinner, I stood up to go get a piece of cake from the dessert table, and out came this loud fart. AND--our youth pastor was sitting right next to me. I wanted to die!!!

Heather said...

I love me a fart story. I'm just that high-class. I usually belch to let out my excess gas so I don't really have a great fart story.

Craig calls them "barking spiders" that he blames the noise on.

On our recent vacation, my SIL shared that my brother said she's a sleep farter...hey, if I didn't know better I'd swear she was Chase!

Emma Sometimes said...

Am I the first to point out your loverly song title gone post title?

My dad played that song well on the gee tar.

Emma Sometimes said...

My son at age 5 cracks one off on my leg as he sits on my lap.

"SON! What do you say?"

He smiles, "Your welcome".

wayabetty said...

This had me in stitches I had to "let one go" by mistake! You're so brave to post this...I might take your challenge and post one of my own...some day.