Thursday, July 12, 2007

Four Hours

Whenever I hear that disclaimer for Vi@gra to "see a physician if your ere©tion lasts longer than 4 hours" I always giggle like a 6th grade school girl.

To me that's just about the silliest thing on TV these days. Until, of course, your 6th grade daughter starts asking - "what does that even mean dad?"

Nice.

A lot of people have been poking fun at this disclaimer. DL Hughley is just one of many comedians who have delivered some variation of this same predictable punchline... "Hell, if my ere©tion lasts longer than 4 hours I ain't calling a doctor, I'm calling a hooker!"

But I was thinking that this whole 4-hour limit might apply in other non-penile situations as well.

For example:

If your marriage lasts longer than 4 hours...
... you're not Britney Spears.


If your teenager's shower lasts longer than 4 hours...
... it's morning.

If your teenager's phone call lasts longer than 4 hours...
... it's evening.


If your wait in the checkout line lasts longer than 4 hours...
... leave WAL*MART and try another store.

If your movie lasts longer than 4 hours...
... it's ok to leave, the ending of The Da Vinci Code doesn't save it.

If your visit to the bathroom lasts longer than 4 hours...
... it's time to consider ex-lax.

If your wait in line at Disney lasts longer than 4 hours...
... you should have used FastPass you idiot!

If the amount of time you get to sleep before you have to pee lasts longer than 4 hours...
... you're under 40.

If your time alone with your spouse lasts longer than 4 hours...
... you obviously don't have kids.

20 comments:

Mom said...

Loved your comments, BUT---you didn't tell us what you answered when daughter asked "What does that mean"?!!!!!

Harmonica Man said...

mom - I told her to ask her grandma.

Heather said...

Those commercials make me laugh too. Ugh. I don't want the day that my kids ask me what that means.

Maybe I'll just tell them to ask your mom too.

Bill said...

Some genius turned a warning into the perfect commercial. I would like to meet the guy that lasted for four hours, but I suppose so would a lot of women!

Harmonica Man said...

heather - Unfortunately she would know. Ewww.

dad - It's time for all of us to change the topic. Ewww again.

Jess Riley said...

The last one? Guilty as charged.

And I do think bill's on to something here...

Emma Sometimes said...

If you're blogging about 4 hours, it means you are totally normal....right?...that's normal...RIGHT?

Charlie Blockhead said...

Preach on!! Preach on!!!

Julie Pippert said...

LOL!

Now see, I would have told my daughter, "Honey, it means the man is on trophy wife #3, and trying way too hard."

No pun intended.

And totally kidding. We'd go get the technical explanation out of a scientific journal, of course.

4 hours.

I highly anticipate my ten minute doctor appointment to take 4 hours. What's that mean?

Harmonica Man said...

jess - Bill's onto something - or someONE? Ewww again. *must stop making reference to my parents*

emma - Yes Emma, you're normal. As far as you know.

charlie - I would, but my 4 hours are up ;-)

julie - That's a little like going to the emergency room and having it take 4 hours until they see you. Shouldn't it be called the "wait here until we can get to you" room?

Ba Doozie said...

hahaha, grandma biffed it!!! There are plenty of meanings for that word, people erect buildings all the time. If I let the carrier live more than 4 hours that will mean he is lucky

Whit said...

Those disclaimer are always funny.

I love when the possible risks are worse than the original problem.

Why would you take something for allergies that might cause heart defects?

neva said...

HAHAHA. i think the same thing every time i see one of those commercials. and i hate to break it to some of you guys, but i'm guessing the mere possibility that something like that might happen has caused more than one woman to tell her husband (or partner ) "don't even think about asking your doctor for a prescription".

damn, i must be gettin' old... i remember the days when 4 hours was nothin'. oh yeah, that was ALSO before we had kids... sigh. ; ) xox

rick said...

The scary thing is, Viagra was invented as a heart medicine, for very specific heart problems. When the erection side effect showed up, the greedy bastards at the pharmaceutical company decided "Well let's sell it for that then." Now millions of men take it with no regard for what is does to their heart. Evil.

Hilly said...

Oh FastPass....is there anything better? Well, besides an erection that does not last 4 hours?

Carla said...

What makes me laugh are some of the side effects of Viagra....like blindness. Isn't that the same side effect regardless if one uses viagra, when "acting alone"?

Mitch McDad said...

A four hour erection might be perfect for me. 3:58 to chase my wife, and 0:02 for the actual sex. I think we have something here.

Translator said...

Great post! I agree with the Disney FastPass thingy. We tried that last time we were in Disney World, and it worked quite well!

Heather said...

Come to think of it, the Fast Pass at Disney isn't That great. You still have to wait in line don't you?

I'm loving picturing Jeff with his fingers in his ears murmuring "la la la" with each post about his parents.

Harmonica Man said...

heather - With FastPass, you set an "appointment" and then show up shortly before. You on the ride in like 10 minutes compared to 45 at some rides. It's the only way to go!