Thursday, August 30, 2007

:ADVERTISEMENT:

Attention Fellow Flatulators!!!

Have you ever wished you could let'r rip anywhere you wanted but were too embarrassed by the smell to even consider it?

We know - containing such a natural bodily function is not always easy. OR comfortable! But let's face it, who needs the shame of the smell?

Did you know it's a scientific fact that the only reason you can actually smell something is because microscopic particles of that "thing" are in the air?

So how do you stop the smell?

BY STOPPING THE PARTICLES!

That's right. And now, direct from the makers of Shop Vac, we are proud to offer Hepa-Pants ® - the first odor stopping undergarment in the world!
Now thanks to the same technology used in high-tech laboratories and health care facilities worldwide, we have created an undergarment designed to catch flying feces BEFORE it exits your pants and makes its way to other people's tongues and noses! With the ability to remove 99.97% of airborne particles, you can rest assured that no smell will escape from your
Hepa-Pants ®

Imagine the freedom you'll feel to be able to "release" your troubles without the embarrassment of having to worry about how it smells. Whether you're on a plane, in a church or at a crowded concert, you'll no longer need to be a disruption to everyone else. Simply "let it go" and enjoy the show.

And - if you accidentally "toot" in the process, you'll have nothing to be ashamed of. Just look your neighbor in the eye and explain with confidence, "No need to worry. I'm wearing Hepa-Pants!"

Hepa-Pants ® - When it comes to embarrassing flatulence -
Let us cover your ass!

* * * * * * * * * * * *

* For greater protection against extremely foul odors, use our optional extreme-duty charcoal inserts


22 comments:

Dan said...

No sale. I'll stick with my trusty cork thank you very much.

Stepping Over the Junk said...

I am speechless

Mooselet said...

Ok, it's official... I'm really scared now. I think you need a vacation.

Heather said...

Put down the funny cigarette and back away...

Whit said...

We're supposed to be embarrassed?

Jeff said...

dan - Be careful. With the proper backpressure, that cork could become a potentially dangerous weapon.

stepping - Hi, I am Jeff.

mooselet - Well that's not much of a stretch... I ALWAYS need a vacation.

heather - Aw, no fair. Everybody's always taking away my funny cigarettes!

whit - Good point. I should introduce you to my brother.

Carla said...

BOY, I sure hope you're kidding with this....

yellojkt said...

Someone once said that the advantage of crowded bars is that you can fart anytime you want. Now you have solved even that problem.

Gale said...

I wonder if they would consider heppa-pantyhose? I think that I will continue to hold it in until I can take care of the problem elswhere. Yes it tends to make one suffer from tummy aches, but hey, thats how I roll.

rick said...

Jeff,ie your comment to whit; the reason I'm never embarrassed is because through some genetic miracle, my farts don't stink.

Jeff said...

carla - Kidding like a fox. I'm just waiting for the patent to go through.

yello - Between the smoking, the b.o. and the various colognes and perfumes in a crowded bar, a fart would actually be a welcome smell.

gale - I once saw a woman whose pantyhose were all puffed up at her ankles. When I asked her why they looked like that she told me she had just farted.

(Damn! - Could that possibly sound any more like my dad?)

rick - I think it's more like - through some genetic miracle your nose can't smell them.

Mom said...

That was so very informative--thank you very much!!!

deborah said...

Where, oh where do you come up with this stuff? The funny thing is, there was so much thought process and pictures! I love it! And, I was reading it to my 15 year old, who is forever, letting them rip, ANYWHERE,she appreciated it.

Julie Pippert said...

Oh err uhh good to know...I think.

(ROFLMAO, no pun intended)

Julie
Ravin' Picture Maven

Dad said...

Hey, please leave me out of your fart smellers convention!

Jeff said...

mom - Yeah, I suppose you could think of it as a public service infomercial type of thing. Think of the good this product would do!

deborah - Coming up with poop/fart-related stories is the easy part. Limiting them is the tough part.

julie - You're darned right this is good to know. Now when they become available on market you can be among the first to buy some.

dad - Oh that's right, you belong in the fart makers convention. Just ask Rick for a membership application.

neva said...

this is genius! just think of the money you'll make at Chili Cook-offs, alone! i see big things in your future, Jeff. smelly, perhaps, but big! : )

*lynne* said...

LMAO! Can I order a week's supply for Kosh, pls? This would be perfect!! :D

Jennine said...

If only I could get my five boys to feel embarrassment over their fart ripping!

Is there a discount for buying in bulk?

Fourier Analyst said...

This is such a guy topic, I just don't know how to comment. Instead I am laughing and shaking my head. What will you guys come up with next?

L.A. Daddy said...

Nice.

My favorite line, for some reason, is "BEFORE it exits your pants."

Man, if I had a dollar for...

wayabetty said...

Oh man, I'm snorting food all over the key board here reading this. I could use this for my little Parker b/c for a 3 month old baby, he has THE loudest poop ever, and it smells like rotten eggs. And if we're in public, people would look at me funny! This reminds me of the book "Walter the farting dog" one of my favorite children's book, you should check it out.

Now every time you'll have an egg sandwich, you'll remember this comment!