You may notice my writing has a smoother, slightly more *delicate* feel today.
This is because when I stepped into the shower this morning there was no bar of soap waiting for me in the soap dish. I knew this was coming too because for the last week or so I had been watching our last little chunk of soap evaporate slowly as it melted away to nothing but a tiny chip - that if not used carefully, could easily have become lost in a crevice somewhere never to be seen again.
And then today it was gone. When I asked Charli if we had any more she said no, but told me to just go ahead and use the body wash that was already in the shower.
My immediate thought was "body wa-huh?!" MEN don't use body wash! What am I supposed to use to get in between the cracks? What's supposed to stand between my hand and the funk? WHERE'S MY PROTECTIVE BARRIER BAR?!!!
Body wash. Phffft. And this is no ordinary body wash either. This particular version is labeled "delicate exfoliating body wash with fine exfoliating beads."
Ooh - fine exfoliating beads! Well now, that's a different story. I didn't know it had exfoliating beads in it. And fine ones at that.
But then I thought, what are those for and why did they put the expensive fine ones in there? And what exactly am I supposed to do with them? Sift them out and make jewelry? Display them in a bowl? Trade them with the white man? WHY ARE THERE BEADS IN MY BODY WASH?!
At least I now know why women take so damn long to take a shower. They have to deal with all these questions and with crap in their shower products.
But then I tried it and it all made sense. Ahh... "fine" as in "finely ground," not "fine quality."
In other words, this body wash has sand in it.
Sand. Why didn't the bottle just say that? I know why. Because "beads" sounds so much classier than "sand," and "exfoliating" sounds way better than "sanding the dead skin off your body like an old peeling piece of furniture."
Anyway, I don't like body wash and I don't need to be exfoliated. And even if I did, I wouldn't use body wash.
That's what Lava is for.