Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Lord of the Fudge

I've mentioned a few times before that my wife Charli owns a successful scrapbooking retreat business.

One of the perks of coming to her place is that she serves you decadent deserts after your meals. The other day, after her guests had finished their lunch on our deck outside in the beautiful sunshine, she promptly served them gooey fudge brownies drizzled in warm caramel.

A short while after they were done eating and back inside at their tables, I came home from whatever it was I was doing, and noticed the plate of leftover brownies sitting on our kitchen counter. Not being one to pass up a chance to sneak a treat, I quickly snapped up a small square and popped it in my mouth. It was freakin delicious.

No sooner had I swallowed my last chew when Charli comes walking in the back door, takes one look at the plate, looks at me and says, "Uh, you didn't eat one of those did you?"

me: "Uh, yeah. Why?"

C: "So you actually put it in your mouth?"

me: "Ya."

C: "And you swallowed it and everything?"

me: "Yes, yes - I ate it and swallowed it and everything. Why, what's the problem?"

C: "Oh. Well, maybe it would be better if I just didn't tell you."

me: "Are you serious? What, did they fall on the floor? Big deal, that won't kill me."

C: "Nevermind."

me: "Oh for Pete's sake, just tell me. I'm not that squeamish."

C: "Well, after everyone was gone, the brownies sat there on the table outside in the sun. By the time I was able to get to them, the flies had gotten themselves stuck in the gooey caramel and I had to flick them off with a fork before I could bring the plate into the house."

me: *

C: "So anyway, maybe next time you should ask before you steal something you're not supposed to be eating in the first place."

22 comments:

Jennine said...

And your point is?

I'd knowingly eat them if Charli had flicked a pack of rabid dogs off the plate with a fork.

Not even joking.

Bill said...

I now officially pronounce you, "Lord Of The Flies".

Julie Pippert said...

So she flicked off the bad part. Even my OCD isn't skeeving here. CARAMEL DRIZZLED BROWNIES.

I consider your every action utterly justified.

(Sorry, Charli.)

(Oooh double sorry for the inevitable tuna joke now.)

Julie
Using My Words

Mom said...

That qualifies as an "Uf-Da"!!!No---make that a "Fee-Da"!!!

Heather said...

Wow, apparently I'm not as bad a junk-food junkie as I thought because that did give me the willies.

Sandy said...

And she didn't toss them out BECAUSE????

Whit said...

She sat you up. Why didn't she just throw them out?

Of course I've pulled flies out of my coffee and kept drinking it, so...

Jeff said...

jennine - Now THAT'S a serious choco-holic!

bill - Hence the title... exactly!

julie - That's pretty good. I don't think she's heard the "sorry Charli" thing since she was a kid.

mom - No! Not Fee-Da. I don't think it was that serious!

heather - I'm with ya. Willies here too.

sandy - It was just bad timing on my part. She had only brought them in like 30 seconds earlier and hadn't had a chance to toss them yet. SO SHE SAYS!

whit - I doubt she set me up. On the other hand, she seems to be enjoying this post just a little too much, so maybe you're on to something afterall.

wayabetty said...

HA HA HA! That's for making fun of my pantries!! I think I can see maggots oozing out from the caramel.

VE said...

Thats a bonus; sweets and protien. Besides, I'm sure they are a delicasy in some God forbidden place on this Earth.

Gale said...

The heat of the sun canceled out any flie activity. Plus the freaking wonderful taste would have done the same. Really its in Scientific Weekly/Cookbook.
Seriously....

deborah said...

seriously, I was thinking worse, like they fell near a pile or something.

Ba Doozer said...

she really should have put a little orange "biohazard" sticker on the plate, so technically this is all her fault.

Now i'm wondering why you should not be eating them...are you at risk for a miocardial infarction?

Teri said...

Ugh . . . willies here, too. I can deal with alot of things, but flies on my food isn't one of them. I just think of all the places those feet have been, and what the flies were before they were flies, and . . . ugh, excuse me for a minute!

Jeff said...

betty - Come on, your pantries were a disaster! Not like ours which are always completely tidy. In fact, our kids will go so far as to stop and straighten out the cans when they walk by and notice something out of place.

Oh yeah, I also have some great property in Florida I'm selling. Interested?

ve - Hey, I was just at a place that had toasted crickets for sale in little boxes, so you're probably not wrong about that.

gale - It DID taste wonderful, you can't take that away. I just wish I could forget everything I learned a few minutes later.

deborah - They may not have fallen near a pile, but I've read that flies create their own "piles" everytime they land on something. Yum.

doozie - I'm not supposed to eat her deserts because she's an evil food nazi who only wants to make me miserable by denying me the sweet luxuries of life. Of course she'll tell you I have extremely high cholesterol and she's only trying to help me live longer because she loves me, so it's a matter of opinion really.

teri - Ya, fly feet should not be on food. End of story.

yellojkt said...

So do flies take raisins or chicken?

Carla said...

ugh! Do you know where flies walk?

Elizabeth said...

Hey I kiss my puppy on the mouth but that story made even me gag a little.

deborah said...

this is actually pretty disgusting: here's what the fly does on his food, ready:

Because he cannot digest the way WE digest food, he will excrete a fluid (vomit) on his food first before ingesting it.

Myself, I won't eat after a fly. They land on anything and everything. But, hey, you didn't know, right?

Jeff said...

yello - Sorry, I didn't actually eat a fly so I can't answer that. But I'm guessing if you deep fry them they'll taste like french flies.

carla - Yes, on my brownies.

elizabeth - Alrighty then. You may not want to overanalyze the various things your dog likes to eat and/or lick.

deborah - Yeah, I knew they deposited something when they landed on food, but thanks for the details. That ought to pretty much eliminate picnics from my future.

Carla said...

...yes and on other species brownies as well.

neva said...

eh, i thought maybe your dog peed on 'em or something. what're a few flies compared to the utter deliciousness of fudge brownies drizzled in caramel?

besides, you DO know that scientists recently confirmed the "5 second" rule (where it's okay to eat something that's fallen on the floor within 5 seconds...) apparently, it takes, like, many many minutes for germs to "attach" their nasty disease-producing selves to our food. just sayin'... your brownies were probably fine. ; )