Tuesday, September 18, 2007

They Smile in Your Face

I hate it when my wife is right.

About 5 years ago I hurt my back. Badly. In fact, I was so knotted up in pain that I couldn't even straighten myself out, and had to go to the doctor all curled up in a little ball.

Of course the embarrassing thing was the fact that I didn't hurt it heroically.

Dr: So Jeff, did you do this hoisting wreckage off of orphans trapped inside a house that was leveled by a tornado?

Me: No.

Dr: Oh, then you did this carrying sandbags while you were helping build that levee during the flood?

Me: No.

Dr: Well?

Me: Yeah, um - I was loosening a pipe under my sink? That's pretty macho isn't it? I mean it was REALLY stuck! Seriously.

The fact is, I was sitting cross-legged on the floor and leaning forward under the sink while cranking on a pipe wrench. Something about the combination of those factors didn't agree with my spinal/nervous/musculoskeletal system and caused my back to clench up into hot crippling spasms.

In other words, it hurt like hell.

Fast forward to this weekend. Here I was sitting cross-legged on the sidewalk and leaning forward while pulling roots (from an old shrub I was removing) out of the ground, when my wife walked by and gasped, "Oh my God honey, you can't sit like that!"

"Bah," I snorted, "I'm fine."

Anyway - I spent the entire evening last night hopped up on Advil while laying on a heating pad just so my back wouldn't erupt into spasms.

Like I said...

I hate it when my wife is right.

19 comments:

Chase said...

Well, you'll just have to get used to that. That's what wives DO....they are always right.

(And soon-to-be wives, too!)

Mom Thumb said...

Yesterday Jessica's boyfriend had a seizure, fell, hit his nose on an oven and broke it, then fell flat on his face and broke it a whole different way. I was very proud of her for not saying, "I TOLD you to take your medication!" Hope you feel better soon!

Jennine said...

Didn't you know that ovaries secrete wisdom?

I hope you feel better.

Mom said...

Hon--I am so sorry. I hope the Advil and the heating pad did the trick, and you are O.K. now. No good deed goes unpunished you know!!! You WERE doing the shrub thing, so Charli wouldn't have to--right?

Jeff said...

chase - I think you need to read
this post. It pretty much explains it all.

linda - She may not have said it to him, but I'll bet she's saying it plenty to everyone else!

jennine - Thanks. You are a wise woman.

mom - Thanks, I'm doing much better today. And yes - I probably wouldn't have been removing shrubs if my sweet wife hadn't asked me to. I tend to stay away from that kind of thing as often as possible. Work, that is.

Julie Pippert said...

Your mom rocks for you. That is nice support. :)

And listen, really, with age I've gained insight: by virtue of XX instead of the XY <-- note loss of crucial portion of chromosome, including but not limited to "always right" we have a slight advantage.

Just listen to your wife...she has your best interests at heart. :)

And hey...take care, feel better.

Julie
Using My Words

Stepping Over the Junk said...

yeah. women KNOW stuff.

Chase said...

LOL! Just read the link.

You can say all you want; tell her 'perhaps you're right' or tell her to go to hell...it doesn't matter. The point is? She was still right.

;)

Heather said...

My husband doesn't listen to me either...and I'm always right too.

People in the Sun said...

Home improvement is a very manly way to injure yourself. Your wife should be proud. One day they'll write an epic poem about your injury.

Gale said...

Tie a string around your finger to remind you that the wife is always right. A win win situation. I hope you feel better soon.

Jeff said...

julie - I've been robbed! I want my chromosome back!

steppin - Yeah, they KNOW how to say "I told you so," that's for sure.

chase - I have a feeling I'm a bit outnumbered here. Don't forget everyone, I admitted right from the start she was right. I just said I didn't like it. ;b

heather - What's that?

people - Will it start with, "There once was a man from Nantucket..."?

gale - I don't need a string cause I have a ring that reminds me every day.

Hey - I'm going to Nashville. I think I just wrote the next big country music hit!

Sandy said...

I hate it that I'm always right too.

Grundir the Implacable said...

I laugh at your pain. Imagine the pain of an eternal living death in the service of the Dark Lord Sauron! Let me tell you, Advil doesn't cut it, mister. Only Excedrin helps.

Carla said...

Al least she called you honey and not dumb ass....that's always good too.

Whit said...

The worse my injuries the lamer my stories. Never fails.

Hope you're feeling okay.

Jess Riley said...

Ouch! Sorry to hear about your back. As one who has recently experienced her own recurring low back pain, I know what you speak of. Advil indeed. And wine helps, I hear.

But yes, the wives....they're always right. Will someone convince my husband of this now?

Jarkko said...

Yep. Wives are always right

...And it sure feels bad to admit that from time to time.

Sorry for your back! I hope it gets better soon.

neva said...

"hopped up on Advil"? dude, have you never heard of Vicodin? (kidding, i kid. Vicodin is an evil drug, and should be avoided at all costs...) as long as you've learned that to question your wife is to invite bad karma, your pain will not have been in vain.

hope you're feeling better now, Jeff -- yeesh, between you and my husband, Tuesday turned out to be suck for Men's Health. d'oh! ; )