Dan, from All That Comes With It, recently wrote a story that inspired me to share my own adolescent experiences. And steal his latest title. I know, I'm so original.
Like every other pre-teenager in the world, I used to enjoy doing dumb things such as making prank phone calls, throwing tomatoes at cars, and generally just being an idiot.
And I must say I was good at it too. The idiot part that is.
For example, instead of simply making the typical "is your refrigerator running" prank call, my friend and I used to take it one step dumber. For whatever reason, we used to think that calling Target, and then asking the poor service desk person if they carried certain fictional items, was the funniest damn thing in the world.
But not just regular fictional items such as flavored toilet paper or ballet dresses for cats, mind you. No, I'm talking about completely made up words that were pure nonsense. Here were three of our favorites:
Hi, I was wondering how much your prerecornalized glovetips are?
or - Do you carry insulated contrasts?
and - What is your return policy on hypo-denipulated driplets?
For real. We must have done these 100 times. And each time it was the same routine of the service desk woman needing to "ask someone else" because she hadn't heard of these things. Hey come on - this is pretty funny stuff when you're 12!
But the absolutely MOST fun we had was when we played our absolutely MOST favorite game of all time... PURSE!
For those of you who didn't experience joy as a child, it went something like this:
You tie a fishing line to a purse and toss it on the side of the road and wait in the bushes. Then when someone stops to pick it up - you pull it away!
Seriously, this was a summer staple. In fact we did this so many times, that local drivers came to know the purse on the side of the road was a prank, and wouldn't even slow down after awhile.
So, eventually we got bored with that and we upped the ante. This involved simply filling it with dog crap and just allowing people to stop and pick it up and bring it into their cars - no strings attached. Then, as we watched from nearby treetops, we’d laugh our asses off when the car would stop a few hundred feet down the road and toss it out the window.
Let's face it - it just doesn't get any funnier than that.
But hey, this was the '70s and people weren't apt to pull out a gun and shoot you in those days. Unfortunately I can't say I'd encourage kids to try something like that these days.