Wednesday, September 12, 2007

View From The Trees

Dan, from All That Comes With It, recently wrote a story that inspired me to share my own adolescent experiences. And steal his latest title. I know, I'm so original.

Like every other pre-teenager in the world, I used to enjoy doing dumb things such as making prank phone calls, throwing tomatoes at cars, and generally just being an idiot.

And I must say I was good at it too. The idiot part that is.

For example, instead of simply making the typical "is your refrigerator running" prank call, my friend and I used to take it one step dumber. For whatever reason, we used to think that calling Target, and then asking the poor service desk person if they carried certain fictional items, was the funniest damn thing in the world.

But not just regular fictional items such as flavored
toilet paper or ballet dresses for cats, mind you. No, I'm talking about completely made up words that were pure nonsense. Here were three of our favorites:

Hi, I was wondering how much your prerecornalized glovetips are?

or - Do you carry insulated contrasts?

and - What is your return policy on hypo-denipulated driplets?

For real. We must have done these 100 times. And each time it was the same routine of the service desk woman needing to "ask someone else" because she hadn't heard of these things. Hey come on - this is pretty funny stuff when you're 12!

But the absolutely MOST fun we had was when we played our absolutely MOST favorite game of all time... PURSE!

For those of you who didn't experience joy as a child, it went something like this:

You tie a fishing line to a purse and toss it on the side of the road and wait in the bushes. Then when someone stops to pick it up - you pull it away!

Seriously, this was a summer staple. In fact we did this so many times, that local drivers came to know the purse on the side of the road was a prank, and wouldn't even slow down after awhile.

So, eventually we got bored with that and we upped the ante. This involved simply filling it with dog crap and just allowing people to stop and pick it up and bring it into their cars - no strings attached. Then, as we watched from nearby treetops, we’d laugh our asses off when the car would stop a few hundred feet down the road and toss it out the window.

Let's face it - it just doesn't get any funnier than that.

But hey, this was the '70s and people weren't apt to pull out a gun and shoot you in those days. Unfortunately I can't say I'd encourage kids to try something like that these days.

Ahem... BOYS?!


Anonymous said...

My girlfriends and I would call and pretend to be a 4 year old lost and not be able to tell the person we called (who we'd call mommy even if they were a guy) where we were. If we kept them on the line for over 5 minutes we won.

How embarrassing.

Julie Pippert said...

Oh creative.

I think I better understand all the overinvolved, overbusy kids better...especially since my own are...creative. And never, ever bored, by which I mean always up to something.

Using My Words

Anonymous said...

Years ago Duluth vandals stuffed crap in paper bags and placed them on porches. They then lit the bags on fire and rang the doorbell. The owner would come out and stomp on the fire. The down side is that if no one answered the doorbell, you could burn down the house!

Anonymous said...

OMG--MY son did all those things?

Heather said...

I can see how that would be funny to a 12-year-old.

I'm sure I did similar stuff, but I'm drawing a blank. Funny how the mind protects itself sometimes.

yoo hoo said...

AS AN ADULT I once called a friend who worked as a receptionist at a plastic surgeons office. When she got through all the names and wanted to help me please, I stated I was calling to inquire about elbow implants. Such stammering I never heard....ah the good ol days!

Mooselet said...

My brother and I did crank calls and things like that, but one Christmas we got very cerebral and sent out crank Christmas cards. Just picked random names out of the phone book and sent a card signed with random names. Then we imagined the confusion from people trying to remember who we were, or the fights we had started.

Ok, we were geeky.

yellojkt said...

Dog crap in an abandoned purse is hilarious!

deborah said...

Sorry, I haven't grown up! Just yesterday I put a very large plastic spider in the shower - for Frank to find. The kids and I waited on the stairs for the big scream; but it didn't work.

I love the purse thing - I must use it!

I once hid in the bed, under blankets with a Jason mask on while he was in the shower; it just looked like the bed was messy

When he came in the room and went to the closet, I just sat up in bed and started talking - he screamed like a freaking girl! It was hysterical!!!

Oh, the fact that he just had his ICD/Defibrilator replaced had NOTHING to do with me. it's a genetic thing - seriously.

I'm plannning on jumping out of the closet on him tonight. I get the kids all the time.

Hey, why grow up?

Anonymous said...

Inspired. I'd write more but I need to go out and buy a purse and some fishing line.

Anonymous said...

That reminds me - I need to get a new contrast.

Yeah, I can't tell you how many quarters I glued to the sidewalk. And this was back when a quarter was worth pickin' up. My mom thought I was borrowing all that money for candy. But, nope. I was buying medecine - laughter.

In Ink said...

I once told a group of guys digging up the road that they were about to be accosted by students dressed as police officers for a college charity stunt. I then called the police and told them that a group of students were digging up the road as part of a college charity stunt. Two conversations, not much effort, great entertainment.

wayabetty said...

Look at you, Mr. Prankster! I can see how that purse thing would go now...calling Homeland Security b/c there might be a BOMB in that purse, ahem!!

Anonymous said...

I laughed the hardest when Doborah did the Jason mask, to her hubby! Great job! Something I would love to do! (Jeff's) sis