Wednesday, November 28, 2007

The 7th Law of Blogging

Jeff's Laws of Blogging #7 states that if you are "consistently perplexed by something you MUST blog about it."


Therefore:


Why is it they can put a man on the moon (allegedly) but they can't make the stupid traffic signals smart enough to know that I'm sitting at a red light when there are no other cars within the nearest county?


* * *
Why is it that it's always the last people in line that get to go to the newly opened lane at the grocery store when a cashier announces, "I can help who ever is next over here!" Shouldn't it be the person next closest to the cashier, you know, the one who has been stuck behind the old lady who has been searching for a penny in her coin pouch for the last 10 minutes?


* * *

Why is it that I never have my camera when I need it the most? Or - if I am lucky enough to have it with me, why are the stupid batteries always dead?


* * *
Unlike Mr. Know-It-All, where I answer your most perplexing questions, I am now asking for YOUR answers here. Anyone?

22 comments:

neva said...

ALL good questions, Jeff. Sadly, i don't know the answers to any of 'em. guessing they fall into the same category as "Why is it that whatever lane I get into when I hit a toll means I'm smack dab behind the Jerk with No Change and/or an E-Z Pass?" Yeesh. i hate that guy.

totally laughing at this post -- mostly because, as i just mentioned, i can SO relate. sigh. : )

Kathy said...

I WAS that person behind the lady digging through her coin purse once. We had all our groceries already on the conveyor belt when another line opened. Because said lady was having problems in addition to not finding purse change, we actually took all our things (a full cart's worth, mind you)and moved to another lane. It was THAT bad. I hate purse change people, check-writing people and I-forgot-all-my-methods-of-payment-so-I-have to-run-home-to-get-it people. Let's just make it simple and say I hate all people in general. But you already knew that.

Sorry for the long comment, but as with most of your posts, you get me all in a tizzy and there's no stopping me.

Dave2 said...

How big is your camera? My pocket camera goes with me everywhere. And I always have the camera on my iPhone that I use to update my stalker page. My life is to be televised! :-)

Windyridge said...

I've wondered the very same things myself and to add to yor list, why does the person that came in after you go in before you?!

Do you watch Curb Your Enthusiasm on HBO? You would love it. You have Larry David (creator of Seinfeld) type humor!

Windyridge said...

It would have been nice if I had added "at the doctors office" so what I said actually made sense.

Heather said...

If you find answers please post them. Although I have been at stores that, when the open the extra checkout, the cashier will say "I can help the NEXT PERSON in line here." I know. Weird concept.

caron said...

I think you showed so much restraint in only complaining about the LENGTHY red lights in St Cloud. You never even mentioned the godforsaken medians. What strength!

Jeff said...

neva - We don't have toll booths here in MN but I've driven through Chicago enough times to know exactly what you're talking about. And one time I got sucked into the EZ Pass lane and I couldn't get out so I had to pay my 80 cent toll online when I got home. Fun stuff.

kathy - Too funny. I can see you hauling all your groceries to another lane just to spite the purse change lady. You really should seek some anger management help.

dave - I have the same camera that's in the picture, a Kodak Easy Share C633. It's a great camera but it sucks the batteries dry in like 2 days. I think it's a design flaw. My brother's does the same thing. Fortunately I have 2 sets of rechargeables so I always have a second set at the ready. Of course they're always at home when I need them - hence my issue.

windyridge - That just happened to me at the doctor last week. I was waiting for my appointment for 30 minutes and then this lady just walked in and was called instantly. Maybe she had an EZ pass too.

heather - Who knows, I may have to ask Mr. KIA after all.

caron - You mean the fact that you can't turn left ANYWHERE in this town without doing a U-turn 6 blocks away? THOSE medians?!!!

andi said...

I will give you a shiny nickel if you figure out the answers to any of these questions. They perplex me as well.

Whit said...

You should carry a pencil with you, that way you can do a quick sketch if the camera doesn't work out.

deborah said...

jeff - be thankful you don't have Miss Explain-it-all-as-she-bags-it-for-you in your grocery store. Let me explain:

"Oh, eggs! I'll just put them in paper so they don't get broken, and leave them here to the side.

"chicken, I'll just double-bag this, you don't want this to leak all over everything else in your groceries,

"let me just double up your cans, too. we don't want them to smash those eggs later now do we?

"let's get all these boxes together, can you just hand me all of the boxed stuff together, it'll only take a few more minutes......"

She is the s l o w e s t moving line out there. She has a triangle on her line, no joke. I avoid her at all cost!!!

Gale said...

Jeff? The old lady searching for a penny? Dig in your pocket and help the old girl out, the rest of us in line would appreciate it....really. Oh wait here is a penny, not a problem.

Carla said...

Well we all know that ignorant traffic lights only work in conjunction with dead batteries, absent cameras and old ladies with an inability to grasp coins from her coin purse. Who actually carries a coin purse anyway? That's my question.

Anonymous said...

Why is it a talent laden band such as the Receders can put a live performance of their excellent original music onto u-tube but can't be bothered to actually record a CD? This is especially perplexing given all the poor musicianship and bad music that is being recorded and released weekly.

Are you guys stuck at the stoplight?

Julie Pippert said...

1. The traffic lights are on a system. You are looking at that one light, when you ought to be considering the entire grid. A butterfly wing...a hurricane. The solution is to look for cops and then weigh risk and go anyway. ;)

2. It is SUPPOSED to be the next person. it is simply that last person has more mobility. However, you are within your rights to grab the frozen lasagna family pack and make your right of way known with it. The cashier should do it but really isn't paid enough to be motivated.

3. During my kids' babyhoods I carried a disposable camera in the diaper bag. Maybe you need a diaper bag.

;)

Julie
Using My Words

Mom Thumb said...

It's to teach you patience, grasshopper. Patience is a virtue. But I swear I'm going to smack that b**** with the coin purse over the head with my industrial sized can of corn.

Bill said...

Be like Gale and help anyone short a few cents, or putting back items in the grocery line. I say, "Charge me the balance" or "I am always running out of change myself" Also be patient with a lady that has grandmother picture of babies or brides to show the clerk. Real love is beautiful!!!

Dan said...

Try flashing your headlights at the traffic light. Over here a lot of the lights have motion sensors so they can turn green if they detect you are coming. But sometimes they don't catch you so if you flash your lights you get picked up.

Of course this could be an elaborate ruse for me to get arrested for bizarre driving behavior.

caron said...

I guess we have to be thankful there aren't any of THOSE medians on any of the 4 (yes four) separate St Germain Streets. There really should be some warning before you move here.

VE said...

I'm SO with you on the traffic light one. I also love when you pull up to the left turn signal but it doesn't quite recognize you have and therefore doesn't go green and then you have to wait two light cycles to go. Fun!

Nice list.

Stepping Over the Junk said...

I keep my small digital camera in my handbag, all the time. Then I always have it. Grocery store check out people are generally stupid and dont think to helpo out the person behind the old lady!

B. M. Lee said...

The batteries in your camera running dry is not a flaw, but a feature!