Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Mrs. Malaprop

Wanted: Your submissions!

A long time ago, long before there were blogs or even the internet for that matter, their was a wonderful weekly column in St. Paul's daily newspaper (The Pioneer Press) called Mrs. Malaprop.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with the term, a malaprop (or malapropism) is when someone confuses two or more common sayings and merges them into a new and humorous version of their own. A great example of this is Emma's tongue-in-cheek use of "It's not rocket surgery!"

In that column, readers would send in their favorite over-heard malaprops and the Pioneer Press would print them every Wednesday. The submissions were hysterical and was easily my favorite feature in their paper.

Well, I thought it would be loads of fun to resurrect this idea right here on View From The Cloud! You send me your favorite mangled sayings and I'll write a monthly column that features your submissions. You can either leave them in the comments or email them to me here.

Based on the sheer number of submissions to the Pioneer Press, I'm confident there is an endless supply of these golden gems floating around out there just waiting to be shared with the rest of us. And I know you've heard some of your own.

So to get things started, I'll submit 3 favorites I have saved in my memory banks from years ago:

- You're walking on thin water young man! (first used when Mary was scolding Jesus)

- Sometime I feel like I'm walking on egg crates around her. (because she's sensitive, but not really that sensitive)

- You need to get all your eggs in a row. (just don't put all your ducks in one basket)

I won't say who I heard these from because she probably won't think I'm this is funny and then I'll have to sleep on the couch. But in her defense (whoever she is), I would add that it's been years since she's treated me to a good one. Malaprop that is.

But I'm definitely keeping my eye to the ground!

* * * * *
"Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child."
Dan Quayle, Vice President


deborah said...

ooh I got one, I got one! this was actually overheard by my doc at the infusion center, I almost blew my ginger ale out my nose; ok he is from, a Latin American country so insert the accent;

"I've been going at this twenty-four, SEVENTEEN!"

YEP THAT'S RIGHT, 17!!!!! It was hysterical. If I didn't like him so much, I would have cracked up at him and made fun of him, but I just couldn't, it was too pitiful, and almost cute.

Thanks Jeff

Catherine said...

Ooo, I am excited! I love these and will definitely participate. I can't think of any right off the tip of the iceberg, but I will certainly be back soon.

Anonymous said...

LOVE this idea! my own favorite malapropism was uttered by my precocious 23 year old son a few months ago:

"I know you think I'm not the brightest leaf on the tree".

huh? ; )

Anonymous said...

I once "caught two bird with one hand".

yoo hoo said...

I'll just wait and see if my sisters submit any of my many....I know it's a talent.

Heather said...

I can't wait to read them all! Sounds hysterical.

Windyridge said...

I can't wait to see the rest. They are so funny. I can't think of any at the moment, it's going on after midnight but I will. I have a funny one tho', not a malapropism. A friend's child used to say, when he couldn't say what he wanted to, "I forgot my words."
And my son who still loves cars and wants to be an engineer used to call the muffler, "the smoke jar".

Anonymous said...

I heard a drunk guy on the subway say "rocket surgeon" once too! Bizarre.

Here's mine: The husband was picking up some alcohol and overheard the following conversation:
Woman 1: Have you tried that stuff?
Woman 2: Yes. It's definitely a required taste.

Anonymous said...

Bad fruit does not fall far from the dumpster.

Mom Thumb said...

This sounds like fun. I'll have to get creative. Hope Roseanna feels better soon and you avoid the plague!

yoo hoo said...

This was actually uttered in a meeting today and it wasn't from my mouth. "If my grandmother were alive today, she'd be rolling over in her grave" huh?
I instantly thought about a comment for this post. It's weird to think about bloggers at work.

Jeff and Charli Lee said...

deborah - Wow, 24/17 is a loooong week!

catherine - "Tip of the iceberg" - I think you've got the hang of this!

neva - Well, in his defense, the leaves are pretty bright in the Spring. Perhaps that's what he meant.

jenny - Very talented!

carla - Tell them to bring it on.

heather - For sure. The ones in the newspaper were always funny.

windyridge - Cute. I can relate. I forget my words on a daily basis.

andi - Haha! That's the spirit!

bill - Once again, your crypticism shows no bounds.

mom thumb - Roseanna is better, but now Austin's home from school. And... the wheels on the bus go round and round...

carla - If she were alive in her grave I'm sure she would be rolling over. And screaming. And pounding.

Mom Thumb said...

Bummer about the strep marauding through your household. Good thoughts that everyone will be well soon.

I tried e-mailing the malaprops but it didn't work, so here they are.

Got up on the wrong side of the tracks.

I'll have his head on a silver spoon.

There's more than one way to change your spots.

Nothing is certain but death and the light at the end of the tunnel.

Aren't you glad you asked?

Sandy said...

Kurt's boss once exclaimed excitedly about how business had picked up at IBM:

"The calls are just coming in gang-bangs!"

Elizabeth said...

I used to say "It's half of one, six dozen of another" until it was pointed out to me that those are not similar at all, in fact they are two very different things.

Jenn said...

I personally like this one proclaiming independence.

There is no 'team' in 'I'.

Ed said...

You can lead an early bird to the worm but you can't make him water on it!

Anonymous said...

Elly overheard me asking her argumentative brother to clean the bathroom. Frustrated on my behalf she said:

"Kevin, just DO it. It's as easy as TRY!"

Anonymous said...

Dan Quail was trying to quote the United Negro College Fund's slogan," A mind is a terrible thing to waste", when he came up with this; "What a waste to lose ones mind."

Anonymous said...

Ooo. Oooo! I remember another one.

"A penny-wise and a quarter foolish."

Unknown said...

Those are hilarious. Please tell me you're making this a regular feature.

Gale said...

Actually Carla, I logged in to see if you submitted reams of paper of your own stuff. Jeff, she has a million of them - I just didn't know there was name for it.

wayabetty said...

I do that all the time, and it's called ESL (english as a second language) and I can't think of one now. I'm having fart brain at the moment.