Sunday, December 30, 2007

I'd rather have my teeth cleaned

Seriously. If someone made me choose between going clothes shopping and having my teeth cleaned, I would choose the dentist hands down.

I think it's accurate to say that there is nothing I hate worse than shopping for clothes - for myself that is. But that's exactly what I had to do today. I had no choice.

Here are two of the three pair of jeans I currently own.


I have no idea why the left knee is blown out on both of them - they just are. The last time I checked I wasn't the ball holder for a field goal kicker and as far as I know I haven't been proposing to hundreds of women lately. So who knows what the hell is going on there.

So why the big heartburn with buying clothes? Well, for one thing, I'm a bit of an odd size and finding pants that fit me is a major ordeal. For example, I wear a 33" waist and a 35" inseam in jeans - but guess what... NOBODY CARRIES THAT SIZE! So... I get stuck trying to find the next closest combination of waist and inseam that will work. Uh, yeah - easier said than done. Let's take a look at my options, shall we?

Depending on the cut and brand of the pants, I have the potential to wear any of the following combinations:
33w/34i
33w/35i (nearly impossible to find, but some companies do make them)
33w/36i (rare)
34w/34i
34w/35i (never seen them)
34w/36i

Then, add to that the various styles of regular, loose fit or relaxed fit and suddenly you have to try on 12-15 different pairs of pants just to find the one that doesn't make you look like you lost your butt in a freak farm accident or like you're trying to be the next great white rap star.

So that's what I did for an hour and a half at Kohls today... that is until I stopped over at JC Penney and found a completely different brand of jeans for about 1/2 the price and had to perform the whole ritual all over again. Then... go back to Kohls and return the first ones.

Did I mention I HATE shopping for clothes?

No really, I can't wait for my next dentist appointment.

17 comments:

PG said...

It's ALWAYS the left knee! Don't know why.

Phil said...

I don't mind shirt shopping. That's easy. But shopping for pants is ridiculous because I have, ahem, a larger than acceptable (apparently) posterior. Which means that I find pants that are tight in the butt but loose in the waist. Or vice versa. I wish we could all just wear sweat pants all the time. Those are the only things that fit the best.

Sandy said...

My husband can relate...he's a 32/36 (an awful size to find amongst the stacks of jeans).

Mom Thumb said...

Ugh, I know what you mean. I wear my jeans until they fall apart. What I hate is how my body looks in those stupid dressing room mirrors. What sicko invented those things?

Anonymous said...

Have you ever met a mortician that bought pants or shoes?- Bill

Heather said...

I hate shopping for any sort of pants or jeans.

Craig blows out the back right pocket in his jeans all the time. I think it's from his wallet. He just thinks that all jeans are made poorly.

Maybe your knee is blown out from having to beg Charli for forgiveness?

Kathy said...

Jeff -- If it makes you feel any better, I can't find a simple pair of shoes to replace the ones I have now where the heel is separating from the sole. It's a simple black pair of shoes that lace up. Been to at least 10 stores in a week and cannot find them. Yes, I've tried online. They don't sell this type anymore and I can't find a similar pair. It's unbelievable. I feel your pain.

Julie Pippert said...

I'm all sympathy.

My husband likes our system where he circles the same pants every year in the TravelSmith catalog and they magically appear in his closet, along with a few new shirts now and again over the year, as well as some AHEM other items.

Like little clothing fairies.

Julie
Using My Words

DrowseyMonkey said...

Why do I feel this is your 'round about way of letting us all know you've managed to keep your boyish figure...hmmm?

Not sure about the left knee tho..that's werid.

Windyridge said...

I hate shopping...period, no matter what kind...well ok if it is a toy I don't mind so much. Toy for me that is!

Caron said...

It's left knee conspiracy.

Mama Drama Jenny, the Bloggess said...

Have you ever thought that maybe God wants your left knee to be seen?

Don't f-ck with God, Jeff.

G said...

Come to think of it, my son's jeans have the left knee gone also. But we are quite spoiled in that my MIL is a seamstress and can work wonders on any item of clothing. Sorry, didn't mean to brag there.

By the way, you should have cut the bait and run when you had your first purchased pair of jeans. Let that be a lesson to you.

Jeff said...

pg - I should take a poll.

phil - It's funny how they can make a bazillion different sizes and yet a person still can't find one that fits ;-)

sandy - At one point I wore a 32" waist, but then the pants companies changed their measurement scale and now I wear a 33 or 34 waist.

mom thumb - The same sicko that invented those funhouse mirrors?

bill - Thankfully I've never met a mortician.

heather - Maybe Craig makes too much money. And I don't beg - it's degrading.

kathy - You say your heel is separating from the sole? Maybe you shouldn't buy shoes made out of fish.

julie - OMG, I so need a clothing fairy. Wait, weren't those the guys on that Queer Eye show?

drowseymonkey - Nah, if I wanted to brag about my boyish figure I would just do that. I'm still waiting to have a manish figure though.

windyridge - Me too. When it's time to go buy something fun I ALL about the "let's go!"

caron - Sounds like a bad Mel Gibson movie. The Left Knee Conspiracy (da dum!)

jenny - I never thought of that. IT'S A SIGN!!!

g - Sounds good. Just give me your mom in law's address and I'll send them right on over!

Stepping Over the Junk said...

two words...INTERNET SHOPPING

neva said...

dude, have you NOT heard of shopping online?? my sons are in a similar predicament (very tall and fairly thin). tellin' ya, J Crew and Banana Republic carry "talls", and you can absolutely get the size you need, no muss, no fuss!

can't help with that left knee thing... thinking that's between you and your wife. ; )

oh, and have i mentioned how much i LOVELOVELOVE the post you did for THE SNARK today? well i did. that was just good reading from start to finish!!

Happy Happy New Year, Jeff! : )

neva said...

had i finished writing my comment 6 minutes sooner, SOTJ would have echoed my sentiment. (must learn to type faster)

d'oh!