Saturday, January 12, 2008

Seeing right through Microsoft's window

They say your eyes are the window to your soul.

Microsoft however, has created a window to my anger.


The other day I was attempting a huge file download and my browser session kept crashing (you can read about it here at Central Snark). Now I don't know about you, but when I'm having a problem with my Microsoft application, the last thing in the world I need is this window popping up with some phony concern about "Oh, please tell me what happened so I can improve blah blah blah." That just pisses me off even more.

I know, you probably think I'm overanalyzing this. Just click "Don't Send" and get over it already is what you're saying. And that's what most people do. But I'm not going to let Microsoft off the hook so easily for this one. It may look like an innocent response to an application problem, but underneath, this familiar little window is really saying much much more.

Let's take a look at how I really feel about it, shall we?

Oh, Explorer needs to close does it? Well you know what Microsoft?... I encounter problems every day and I don't just shut down at the drop of a hat. Grow up you whiny baby and deal with your problems like a monopoly.

And "We are sorry"? Oh really. Somehow I have a hard time believing there's someone sitting in an office in Redmond feeling pangs of remorse over this. Call me skeptical but that's just how I see it.

Gee, you think? How about telling me something I don't know... like WHERE THE HELL MY FILES ARE THAT GOT TRASHED IN MY DOWNLOAD!

Please? Please? Now you're begging me to "please tell Microsoft about this problem"? How about I beg for this from you.... Please don't patronize me with your pathetic attempt to care.

Snnnntttt!!! Sorry, I just shot milk out of my nose there - which actually is a very painful experience. But not as painful as having your crappy software crash a file I was downloading for the last 1/2 hour. And do you really expect us to believe you have someone monitoring the In-box for these reports? How stupid do you think we are?

Oh yeah, I forgot... stupid enough to use your products. Nevermind.

Listen, I know you're just trying to be polite and professional and all that, but come on - it's bullshit. People are smarter than this. Let's face it - the Windows error recovery process sucks. We know it, you know it, so why not admit it? Or at a minimum at least have the balls to create a window that reflects what's really happening.

I think this version of your error window would be a little more honest.


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34 comments:

Dave2 said...

A few years ago, some friends and I were recreating Windows error alert boxes and passing them back and forth. It got pretty outrageous after a while, but eventually somebody pointed out that the REAL errors were actually far more entertaining than anything we could invent. Funny thing is... they're probably right. When something goes wrong and you're pissed, those errors ARE funny!

Hilly said...

I can't stand Internet Explorer! Have you tried another browser like maybe Firefox?

Jeff said...

dave2 - That's right. Sometimes the only thing you can do at those times is laugh.

hilly - Yes, I use Firefox religiously. This particular case was on a server at work that I'm not allowed to mess with. Oh well, their loss!

Julie Pippert said...

Oh yeah, I know! And that error message you created? That's it for real!

Hope you didn't toss the computer, like in that funny video. ;)

Kathy Frederick said...

Jeff -- I feel your pain. In my job as a computing consultant, I've seen more MS errors than I can count. Too bad you had to use the unholy IE for the project. Firefox is a godsend.

Stepping Over the Junk said...

I hate that.

Jeff said...

julie - Naw, I wasn't mad at my computer... only the crappy VPN connection I was working with.

kathy - I know, but for some reason my company won't let us use any other browser on that server. I guess they don't considered Firefox as "supported" which is ironic since it's 1000x more stable than IE.

steppin - You, me and about 100 million other people ;-)

Heather said...

I have thought many of the same things but I'm not as talented as you to put them into a blog.

I have also wondered who actually takes the time to SEND those "reports".

Diesel said...

Hey, you got a comment from the infamous Dave!

I don't use IE because, among other things, it gives me that error every time I close it.

Business Credit Card Site said...

I hate when this happen. I use Firefox and I love it! hassle-free..

John said...

The funniest thing I've seen since Wile E Coyote blew up the Word paperclip with a barrel of Acme dynamite

neva said...

this serves as a good reminder to folks (i.e. my husband) as to the reasons for switching from IE to Firefox. that said, Firefox has a way of shutting down at the drop of a chat, too, so, um, y'know... no one's perfect.

tell ya what IS perfect, tho'... YOUR NEWEST SNARK OFFERING. guessing it's based on your reaction to this particular brouhahahahaha... tho, of course, i could be wrong! ; )

Jeff said...

heather - That's a good question. I'd love to hear from someone in the know about whether or not anything at all ever happens with those "reports."

diesel - Actually Dave2 and I have been blog "friends" for a few years now. We trade comments every now and then but the last I remember, he had 200+ blogs in his feeder - so I'm always surprised that he ever finds the time to drop a note at all.

bccs - I agree. Firefox definitely has less issues that IE.

john - Thanks. I almost wrote a post about that stupid paper clip guy a few times now. There's some pretty funny YouTube clips out there about it if you key in "Microsoft Paper Clip."

neva - No, you're right. The background behind this post IS over at Central Snark today. Imagine that ;-)

Lydia said...

Yah! I agree -- this pious little pop-up just enrages me further, and I always click on "Don't Send." They can figure out their own bugs, ferchrissake.

Marie said...

That happens to me alllll the time. And I'm still waiting for Bill Gates to call and let me know he got my billion or so reports and is on the job. So I downloaded IE7 and it did such a number on my computer I had to do a Restore. So I've gone to the other side, Firefox.

Mom Thumb said...

THANK YOU! I get stupid boxes popping up all the time and I know they don't mean what they say. For Pete's sakes.

Mama Drama Jenny, the Bloggess said...

Oh my God, I love it.

Also, why is it asking me if it wants me to report it. It send me the error. Shouldn't it already know about it?

Fiar said...

I hate microsoft.

VE said...

Could be worse, they could have put "The viruses and worms infiltrating from your porn and illegal music downloads has corrupted my ability to work correctly...please see counseling and clean up your computer. Thank you"

Windyridge said...

Jeff, there's always Linux. To make Microsloth Windows less painful you can get some apps that will continue interrupted downloads, and you can turn off that error messaging since as you said it's useless drivel anyway. I felt your pain!

pootandcubby said...

That sucks that you can't use Firefox - I don't miss Explorer at all.

-andi

Jess Riley said...

Ah, what fun. We have IE at work, too. I think it's a conspiracy.

Anonymous said...

I love Bill Gates and hope he feels free to invite my wife and I out to his Seattle home for a couple weeks of vacation! -Bill

Mrs. Chicky said...

I want to have a tantrum just from reading this. But will I?

Um, maybe? What have I got to lose? ;)

Chris C said...

completely off-topic but you are next up to be interviewed by me Mr Cloud dude guy man. :)

I'll have your questions ready next week.

Jeff said...

chris c - Sounds like fun. I'm looking forward to it!

bon bon said...

hello, i'm a mac.

:o)

B. M. Lee said...

Try using Safari 2 (Mac, iPhone and iPod only) or the sweet new beta Firefox

Oh and if you thought that error was funny try these:
Here
or Here

Dan said...

That's what you get from downloading all that Donkeyporn.

Split it up into more managable chunks like i do.

Rol Hirst said...

Excellent. I particularly like the way Microsoft can't even spell 'screwed'.

Jeff said...

rol hirst - Hey! You weren't supposed to catch that. I knew I had mistyped that but didn't feel like fixing the image, and REALLY didn't think anyone would notice.

And because you found it, you win the grand prize of a free Windows Vista upgrade!

Have fun with that.

Maureen said...

Hahahahahaha... LOVE your revised version!

Cyberpunk said...

Hahaha I hate getting that Windows message too (in MS Office)! Makes me want to hurt somebody hehe. I love your error message box though. Microsoft should definitely use that.

The Holmes said...

That is, without a doubt, one of the more infuriating error messages out there. It's a wonder more monitors haven't been punched through.