Names are dangerous things.
Everyone needs one, but yet most people don't get to choose their own. And if you're name smells even slightly funny to other kids, the odds are you suffered for it.
I've never minded my name too much because there aren't very many things that rhyme with Jeff, but I've watched other people endure a childhood of misery simply because of what their parents named them. For example, I don't think I ever knew a girl named Patty who wasn't called "fatty" even if she was as skinny as a stick.
Not fair? Absolutely. But kids are cruel and when you're a kid there are no rules.
But it doesn't even matter if your name rhymes or not, kids will still find a way to attach it to something. For example, I remember spending a few years in grade school having to listen to the neighborhood kids chanting Jeff and Beth are married! simply because our names both shared the short "e" sound. Brilliant!
And names can become attached to all kinds of nonsense - nursery rhymes, products, even popular songs are fair game. For an entire year my daughter's teacher belted into "Roseanna" (by Toto) every morning when she walked into the classroom (Rose-ann-a, Rose-ann-a). The worst part was, Roseanna had never even heard the stupid song before.
My favorite name association though was from a co-worker of 12 years ago. For some ridiculous reason he linked my name Jeffrey to the jingle for Zest soap. Only he could convert You're not fully clean until you're Zest-fully clean! into You're not furry lee until you're Jeff-furry Lee. I still laugh about it today.
So what about you? What tiresome name associations were you burdened with over life? What moronic nicknames did your "friends" come up with as a child? What life-scarring teasing were you subjected to as a result of how you were named?
Go ahead, I promise I won't tease you.