Sunday, April 06, 2008

Weekend Update



This is the song that comes into my head when I think of weekend blogging. I picture an endless desert with nobody around, and a single cowboy blogger riding alone on his horse.

But I guess it's not a bad thing that bloggers are doing something else on their weekends besides... well, blogging. I suppose it means that people actually have lives. Imagine that.

* * * *

I woke up this morning after having this strange dream where I was playing in a nightclub, and after one of my songs some guy in the audience stood up and started belting out Billy Joel's song Big Shot, but he was doing it all Billy Joel-style.
Wuellll, you went uptown riding in your limousine, in your fine Park Avenue clo-othes. You had the dom perignon in your hand and the spoon up your nose.
Then when he was finished, he handed the microphone over to some middle-aged woman in a blond wig and bright blue eye shadow who stood up and started singing Miley Cryus's song See You Again. But in her case she couldn't sing in key and everyone started yelling at me to make her stop.

Then I woke up in a cold sweat.

I'm pretty sure I know where that one came from. Yesterday afternoon I went to church to take advantage of the discount admission price of the Saturday 4:30 service, and when I got there the piano player was in a panic because the scheduled cantor hadn't shown up, and she started begging me to come up and lead the singing. I tried to decline seeing as how I was wearing jeans and tennis shoes but she wouldn't have anything to do with it, and the next thing I knew there I was... belting out church songs, and doing it all Billy Joel-style.

Ok, the last part wasn't true, but I'm guessing these two incidents are related. As far as psychoanalysis goes, I'm a pretty easy read - kind of like a Golden Book of nutjobs. Anyway, the singing went fine and nobody threw tomatoes - but I think I saw the priest look directly at me and mouth "except you" when he offered the sign of peace. So I'm feeling a little insecure about that.

* * * * *

Fianlly for those of you who use Blogger, you simply HAVE to check out this blog. http://www.bloggerbuster.com It contains everything you ever wanted to know about how to customize your blog and much much more.

The awesome author of it, Amanda, is a wizard on how to modify your template and not only shows you hundreds of the best template designs going, but she also publishes complete tutorials on how to make the most popular modifications - including the actual code to do them! And if that's not cool enough, Amanda will actually answer your questions personally if you email her. How amazing is that?

The only downfall I've found about her site is that I now have to find a spare 100 hours so I can start trying all the awesome new widgets and tricks and magic sprinkles she provides.

Hmm, maybe I'll use the weekends for that. I don't blog then anyway.

* * * * *

You can ALWAYS find something funny at Humor-blogs.com. Even on the weeknends!

35 comments:

Alice said...

Get outta my head, you! Just listened to TG,TB and TU here.

Will check out the link.

And here's a "Peace" for you too.

rick said...

I too woke up this morning after having a strange dream. I dreamt (dreamed?) that I was standing at the railing on a cruise ship, and all the passengers were swimming in the ocean. All of a sudden Jessica Alba comes swimming by. Here's the strange part; she knew me from a previous dream that I had completely forgotten about. Sadly I didn't get anywhere with her in this dream either. What's up with that?

Kathy said...

Weekends are no man's land in the blogosphere, 'cept for me and you Jeff. Laughed at the priest thing. It was the sneakers that did you in. Tsk. Tsk.

Lois said...

Good for you--stepping in doing the cantoring!! It's hard to do something like that, when you feel self-conscious about something--like how you're dressed!! Betcha nobody cared,either!!!Love you---Mom

Heather said...

I checked out that site a little and I think it's over my head. Maybe it makes more sense when I'm not pregnant and brain-fried. But then when I'm not pregnant I'll have a newborn, and be brain-fried. So, I guess I'm screwed anyway.

Poor Jeff, no peace for you.

Jeff said...

alice - Thanks for that piece of peace.

rick - Usually when someone says "You and Jessica Alba? In your dreams buddy!" it means it's supposed to actually happen in your dreams. You got robbed.

kathy - Footwear shouldn't be an issue. Don't forget, Jesus wore sandals and everybody loved him.

lois - Oh don't be so sure. I heard mumbling out there and I'm quite sure they were all talking about my clothes.

heather - Did you set me up for this easy punchline on purpose? You know, the one where I say... "You're screwed again? Isn't that how you got pregnant in the first place?" Or did you say that because you're brain-fried and didn't realize how obvious it was?

Gale said...

I went to the bloggerbuster and tried to get into the story/entry whatever. I got a popup saying the internet would not allow me access and booted me out. Now this is my own 'puter and I pretty much go where I want. And have never been booted from anyplace. Strange. And no I don't do the porn sites. So there. :)

Windyridge said...

Great link, thanks for sharing. So much info so little time...too bad we have to sleep.

Mamma said...

You may feel like you're blogging alone in the desert, but this was just the post I needed to see. I'm getting ready to overhaul my blogger blog and I was afraid I was going to have to switch to WP.

THANK YOU!!

Mooselet said...

Thanks for the link. Will have to find some time to implement things... hmmmm, I must really get to work on a time machine. Or hurry up and win the lottery.

Whenever I'd go to church with my dad (which was not often, admittedly) and it was time to do the whole peace handshake, he'd lean over and flash me the peace sign instead, complete with solemn face. Cracked me up every time. Thanks for reminding me of that.

Daniel said...

How interesting to read you attend a church on saturday afternoon that has a cantor, a priest and Jesus in sandals.

That sounds so interdenominational to me.

Jeff said...

gale - That is odd. As far as I know there are no restrictions on her blog. Let me know if you're still having trouble and I'll give you a hand.

windyridge - Well, we don't have to sleep. Some of my better posts were done with sleep deprivation.

mamma - Ooh, I'm glad yo could use it! You're welcome :-)

mooselet - Cool. I do that too with people I want to wish "peace" to but can't get close enough to shake their hands.

daniel - Don't forget caramel rolls for sale in the lobby.

Marie said...

I don't do anything on the weekends, Brad only gets Wednesdays off. But I use the weekends to rest and get ahead on my posts. I noticed that stats go way down on the weekends anyway, so there doesn't seem like there's much of a point to posting then.

Mom Thumb said...

I meant to do a post all weekend and didn't get around to it. I used to catch up on other blogs on the weekend, and haven't had time for that, either. Damn having a life!

deborah said...

thanks Jeff; I just spent 2 1/2 hours doing nothing BUT searching out the best design.

bummer to you rick on your waking moment!

VE said...

I post only on Saturday. The traffic is way down and why waste material. I've been searching out on YouTube for you singing church songs Billy Joel style. What your readers wouldn't do to catch THAT!

G said...

"kind of like a golden book of nutjobs" - that's pretty good. Thanks for that link on the blogger template person. I'll be checking that out shortly.

April said...

I think you were having a premonition about what Miley's existence will be when she's Billy Joel's age.

Groovy Mom said...

"except you." LOL!

I think at my church jeans and tennis shoes are pretty much required to lead the singing, which is done Billy Joel style. :-)

Jeff said...

marie - Get ahead on your posts? What does that mean?

mom thumb - Most of those awesome designs would be so far over my head I wouldn't be able to recreate them if I wanted to. I recently spent 2 hours just trying to add a 3rd column to my blog, and finally gave up.

ve - I wonder if Billy Joel ever sang in his church? And if he did, do you think he did it Billy Joel style?

g - Thanks, and good luck. I'm sure you like what you see over there.

april - LOL! I sure hope Miley's voice doesn't go that far south just because she's middle... er, my age.

groovy mom - I'd like to stop by there. That sounds like my kind of church!

cathouse teri said...

Love the discount admission price to Saturday service! YOUUUUUUUUUUU so funny!

(My word verification word is NZEIN ~ is that German? Russian? Shmerman?)

Sandy said...

At least you were clothed (you were, weren't you?) in your dream. I'm usually naked and locked out of some place I need to be.

By the way, I would love to hear a cantor sing "Billy Joel style."

Karen MEG said...

Thanks for the link! I just spent the weekend blog hopping around but didn't post anything. sometimes it's just more fun to be nosy!
I'm also trying to get more of a real life too. It is damn hard.

Jeff said...

teri - YOUUUUUUUUUUU so nice!

sandy - No but the guy singing Big Shot was naked. It wasn't pretty.

karen meg - I know what you mean about the weekends. I use that time to do secret non-comment lurking. Every now and then I'll stumble on someone fun.

Jake Titus said...

Jeff,
You were not alone. I was there, hiding behind a cactus.
Jake

Mushy said...

Got some nice tips...thanks!

mylhibug said...

Thanks for pointing that out... pretty cool little site, now I can get some education and maybe a better template.

Maureen said...

Oh, thanks. Thanks a lot. Now I have even MORE places to waste, er spend my online time at...

;)

Actually, I can't wait to check it out...

yellojkt said...

I haven't updated my template in quite a while and it shows. Thanks for that link. I'll check into it.

Ed (zoesdad) said...

My problem with those sites and codes is that I don't use blogger so I end up wasting countless hours trying to figure out how to change the code and make it apply for me. It never works and nothing ever changes. But I can't keep from trying.

Dorky Dad said...

I've found that Blogger Buster site and it's pretty cool. Really helpful site.

Did they give you time to warm up at least when they asked you to sing? Did you sing "me may mah moe moo" on stage?

Marie said...

Jeff- I write many of my posts several days before you actually see them. Sometimes I work on two or three at once. That way I have time to edit them or add information that comes to me later.

Theresa said...

I could have sworn I left a comment here yesterday, but I guess Blogger screwed me over again. Lately, this is happening to me a lot. Anyway, I went off to my aerobics class with that song in my head. Do you have any idea how hard it is to do aerobics to that music? The link is fantastic. What a lot of goodies to check out. I'm bookmarking that one for sure. :)

Michelle said...

Wait wait wait, what kind of church do you go to (says the Roman Catholic)? You have to pay to go (I'm sorta going back and forth over whether that was tongue in cheek)? And ummm caramel rolls, seriously?

But thanks for the link. Since it's already 10:14, I bookmarked it and didn't even open it or I'd never make it to work tomrorow!

Jeff said...

jake - I knew I could sense the presence of another blogger!

mushy - You're welcome. She's awesome eh?

mylhibug - If you got the time, she's got the answers.

maureen - You mean INVEST your time. It's all a matter of perspective.

yellojkt - I know what you mean. After 3 years I finally took the plunge and upgraded my template. Although you'd never know it by looking at it.

ed (zoesdad) - Keep at it Ed. You're bound to learn something sooner or later!

dorky dad - Not only didn't I get a chance to warm up, but I had spent the entire day before church yelling my head off at my daughter's basketball tourney, so my voice was already half fried. Yee-haw!

marie - Can you do some for me please?

theresa - You couldn't do aerobics to Clint Eastwood cowboy music? I can't see why.

michelle - Nope, just kidding about the pay thing. I was making the reference to getting a discount when you go to a Saturday afternoon movie matinée. My humor is a little out there sometimes. ;-)