Friday, June 06, 2008

Annoyances Anonymous

Hello my annoyed friends. It's time once again for another quarterly Annoyances Anonymous session.

This is the place where you can come and feel comfort in the fact that you are not alone with your irritations. This is the place where everyone else will understand. This is the place for you.

Please, allow me to go first.

Hi everyone, my name is Jeff, and I am annoyed. Here are a few things that make me want to pluck out my own spleen:

That little “teaser” commercial break in Letterman
In the middle of the last set of commercial breaks before the final musical guest, they’ll briefly return to Letterman for about 5 seconds and give you a quick shot of the set before they launch into another 5 minutes of commercials. This drives me insane every time.

People who leave their yappy dogs outside
We have a neighbor who keeps one of those little lap dogs tied up on her front porch - and it NEVER stops yip-yapping the entire day. The irritating little b*tch drives me crazy. So does her dog.

Parents who give in when their kids whine
Allow me to illustrate:
“Mom, I want a candy bar!”
“Mom, I want a candy bar!”
“Ok, but just this time.”

Red lights that don’t change even though no one is within 100 miles of you
This one is self-explanatory. But I still don’t get it. My $29 porch light can sense a cat 100 feet away, but they can’t design a sensor that can detect the movement of friggen 2000 lb cars in traffic?

Hang nails
I always have at least one somewhere on my fingers at any given moment. It wouldn’t be so bad if I didn’t like to rip them out and leave the sides of my fingernails all sore and swollen. Now you can see why this makes me cranky.

That "bee-boop" sound my cell phone makes when the battery runs low
Of course this only starts happening at 3:00 in the morning when I’ve left my cell phone on the other side of the bedroom. Still, instead of getting up and turning it off , I prefer to be woken every 5 minutes for the next 3 hours.

Teenagers who think they’re all that by walking around and swearing in public
I was a teenager. I know how cool it was to chill with your friends and talk trash. But at least we had the respect to keep it among ourselves and limited to non-public spaces. Is it still considered wrong to smack someone else’s kid?

* * * * *

Now it's your turn. All you have to do to join our support group is leave a comment about something that annoys you. We're sympathetic and supportive, and most of all - we feel your pain. So go ahead and let it out...

If you're like me, it could save your spleen.

You won't be annoyed by


April said...

When I am given a perfect opportunity to rant about the little things that annoy me, and my mind goes blank!

I'll be back...

Roger Miller said...

Young men, and occasionally young women, who do not know how to pull their pants/shorts/whatever up. I appreciate that you have Homer Simpson underwear, I just don't want to look at it.

Also, the word 'like' should just be abolished from every teens vocabulary - then again, the annoying 23 year old sitting behind me at the Cubs game last week used it too much as well. Like, you know.

There are more... but work beckons (that may be one)

Devin Andrew Collins said...

1) Texting on cell phones is a modern marvel. Word predictors are getting better and better. But if I accidentally forget that my word prediction is off and type "jmtd" instead of "love," why does my word predictor think that I intend to use jmtd every time I use that button combination? This really gets annoying when it happens with words like "has," which isn't in every sentence, but used often enough that I forget and have to go re-type it. Tiny little annoyance, but annoying enough to be mentioned.

2) People who leave their empty shopping carts in the parking spot next to them when they're literally less than 20 feet away from the cart collector thing. HOW LAZY ARE YOU? Heaven forbid your fat ass might lose a millimeter because you went the extra 6 YARDS to not screw over the next shopper who wants to park. I could write a whole book on this.

3) People who order the double bacon ultimate cheeseburger deal with an extra large fries and a piece of cheesecake for desert with an extra large DIET COKE. Yeah. That zero calorie chemical concoction you're washing down the McDeath with is going to make you healthier. Your ass is not going to expand faster than a 14-year-old's weiner at a strip club if you drink diet coke, because its DIET. Somehow, diet coke's zero calories cancel out any calories in the food it's consumed with, apparently. Just order the REGULAR coke and FACE THE FAT.

Enjoyed your blog today!

MYM said...

A general lack of common sense, like I was just over at BlogCatalog and some young girl had a discussion on
'would you hit a woman' and it was all based on equal rights. Her argument being that how can woman have equal rights and then complain if a man hits them. Then ... all the young men & women who agreed with her. Argh! Who raised these people?

Jeff and Charli Lee said...

april - We'll be here ;-)

mylhibug - My wife and I are fanatical about the lowness of our kid's pants. If they even begin to look like they have droopy butt we automatically scream "pull up your pants!"

dac - I hate those cell phone word predictors (or on my phone, T9) things too. The worst is after you've typed an entire paragraph and then noticed that the 2nd word out of 20 is spelled "jmtd" like you said, and then you have to backspace all the way back and start over. Arrrrg.

drowsey monkey - Uh, ok. Makes sense to her I guess.

Avitable said...

Pretty much humanity in general.

JD at I Do Things said...

OMG, Dac totally stole one of my main annoyances: people who leave their shopping carts in the space I want to park in.

But I'm sure I can think of more:

My neighbor who parks his car IN HIS BACKYARD blasting Ukrainian music

People who spit out of their car window -- people who spit, period

Eating a delicious salad, only to find it contains a long strand of my hair, forcing me to dig through a mouthfull of lettuce, carrots, and onions to pull out the slimy hair

Hmmm. I'll be back...

JD at I Do Things

Gen said...

I'm with ya on the yappy dogs, and the cell phone thing? Ugh! That drives me crazy too.

I get annoyed by those "we're gonna have a truck in your area, do you have anything you'd like to donate?" calls because they always come in the morning when I'm sleeping in.

I get annoyed by sales people who come to my door.

Don't call me. Don't come to my house. I'm not going to buy anything or give you money. Go away.

Anonymous said...

People who stand their toddlers in their filthy street shoes in the trolley (cart) you're supposed to use to collect your FOOD in - or worse, they sit their be-nappied (diapered) baby in there!!

Makes me want to smack some sense of hygiene into their silly, selfish heads.

Ed (zoesdad) said...

Answering the phone to hear the recorded message, "All of our representatives are currently assisting other customers but your call is extremely important to us. Please hold for the next available representative."

WTF!! I didn't call you--you called me and then put me on hold. Seriously!

Anonymous said...

@Drowsey Monkey: Yah but wouldn't you want to put them all in a room and let them beat the crap out of each other? Throw in some moonbats to make it even more interesting.

What annoys me...

Viva Viagra commercials.

People who look at or check their cellphones every two minutes. I'm not sure people know about the new features phones have that allow you to select sounds or music to let you know when someone calls or texts you.

Oh wait the cellphones always had those features.

Anything remotely related to the lolcat genre and anyone that replies to such garbage with comments like "I need a new keyboard because I just spit out my coffee after seeing this post!"

Heather said...

People that park in "spots" that aren't spots. It's especially annoying when they park closer to the store than the disabled parking. Or in the fire lane.

Anonymous said...

Tanya Roberts' radio commercials for Tahiti Village.

Jeff and Charli Lee said...

avitable - That's why dogs are so popular.

jd - Better than finding a short and curly.

groovy mom - Exactly. What ever happened to the concept of privacy?

jay - Or worse, people who stand their babies up on the counter while they're waiting for the McDonald's order to come up. Most people don't realize that shoes have microscopic fecal matter on them. I know... ewwwww!

ed - Oh yeah. I don't usually let a phone call get nearly that far.

chris c - Oops, so much for my next post idea.

heather - OR, people who park in handicapped spots on someone else's tag when there's no one else in the car, and then get out and run into the store.

marie - I have to say I haven't heard that one. What am I missing?

Karl said...

People that say "supposably." It's SUPPOSEDLY, ass!

People that don't know proper use of "their," "there," and "they're." They're making me insane with their improper use of the word "there."

People that eat off of my plate without asking permission.

Mrs. R said...

Things that annoy me:

1. The people who live in the low-income housing which abuts our backyard who think that our backyard is the city dump and throw their trash over the fence and into our yard at will.

2. The children of the people who live in the low-income housing which abuts our backyard who cross the street in the middle of the street at a snail's pace oblivious to the fact that traffic has now been stopped in both directions while they take their sweet time to get their arse out of the street.

I was going to continue, but then decided that since all of my annoyances were related to the same thing, that my energy would be better spent on

Anonymous said...

That horrible "Baby, Baby" CD commercial where they put your baby's name into every song. Every time I hear, "Oh, Amanda, Amanda" I can't get to the remote fast enough to stop my ears from bleeding.

Anonymous said...

1.) People who, no matter how many times they are asked not to, spoil shows for those of us on the west coast by either blogging about it or talking about it on Twitter. Common courtesy fuckers.

2.) People who come and use words like "fuckers" in others' comment sections ;).

3.) People who don't realize that saying the words "like" and "all" are a dialect thing for some of us.

4.) Me being sick and bitchy ;)

Doozie said...

First the good news before my rant. A lot of these pesky annoyances can be solved by simply carrying an airsoft pistol discretely tucked in ones handbag or a hidden holster. Popping off a couple rounds at the yappy dog for instance, or the stupid parent who gives into their kid. Nothing spells relief like pelting someone.

I'm annoyed by funerals in general (as evidenced by my current post). I think they are really weird. In fact, I don't intend to ever go to another one. The most annoying thing is that it has nothing to do with the dead person and everything to do with a big production show and all those left behind. When is someone going to admit the dead person couldn't give a crap?
What a colossal waste of money.

People I don't know who walk past me and say "smile". I want to choke the life right out of them.

People who stand around in store isles visiting with each other, move it or lose it!!

People who know you are sitting at a cross walk waiting for them to cross and they walk slowly on purpose as if they have all the time in the world. revrevvvvvv, i'm gonna take you out!!

Bicycle riders who do not obey traffic laws. So long as you are not ON FOOT, the cross walk does not apply to you, do not go shooting out into it nearly causing an accident. Do you SEE a picture of a bicycle on the sign? NO YOU DON"T. you see a picture of a person walking. Get a clue!!!

People who shuffle their feet

People who make weird repetitive noises

Typos on menu's, signs and other "professional" designations

People who stand too close to me

People who are constantly saying "I can't afford that" when in all actuality, they are merely "choosing not to afford it" because they either smoke 2 packs a day (10 bucks) or drink mocha's everyday (4 bucks each) or other habits. Lets start a campaign where in people tell the truth and start saying "I don't want to afford it" etc.

Ok, that is enough. I could go on for the better part of the day, but another annoyance is long winded comment box taker overs.

peace out

Anonymous said...

Jeff- you are a lucky, lucky man. Since I heard them both in FL and in NM I assumed they were nationwide. Tanya Roberts was on That 70's Show, she played Donna's mom. She has an extremely annoying voice with a Joyzey accent. She records the commercials to make it sound like she's actually doing a phone interview with the DJ who is supposedly interested in her acting "career" and instead hawks a new resort in Vegas, in which she gives out the phone # to call at least 100 times.

Elizabeth said...

People who just Can Not Believe that my husband and I don't have a cell phone. They'll say "what if you have to get a hold of him in an emergency? What if you're car were to break down?"
It's just the two of us, we usually know where each other is so if there really was a great emergency I'd just use my land line to call him at school, work, friends house, where ever. Also, I live in Juneau. We have like 30 miles of road. If my car were to break down I would wait 2 minutes until someone (probably someone I know) stopped by to help me.
I think cell phones are great, and I totally understand why people like them, but we just don't need them bad enough to justify the extra money we'd have to spend.

Anonymous said...

"We have a neighbor who keeps one of those little lap dogs tied up on her front porch - and it NEVER stops yip-yapping the entire day. The irritating little b*tch drives me crazy. So does her dog."

I think that may be the most unforgiving speech you've ever made.

Avitable must be contagious.

Jeff and Charli Lee said...

karl - I've heard so many people comment on the they're/their/there thing that I'm totally paranoid of getting it wrong. And then, just a few weeks ago, I got called on it in a comment when I got it wrong by mistake. Yikes!

mrs r - Littering is not only annoying but it's disrespectful - no matter who you are.

nancy - I must not watch enough TV because I haven't seen that one either. I guess I should consider myself lucky!

hilly - Let it out Hilly, that's what we're here for.

doozie - *applause* When you mentioned that you wanted to join our support group the last time we had a session, I had no idea how much you really needed it. Welcome Doozie, we're listening.

marie - Now you've got me wanting to hear it - at least once.

elizabeth - We were in Juneau a few years ago, and I'm not sure my cell phone even worked there - which was fantastic since it gave me an excuse to not have to talk to people on my vacation.

jennine - I'm sorry you didn't find that humorous. But in all seriousness, anyone who thinks it's ok to pollute the whole neighborhood with their yappy dog noise without concern for how it affects the rest of us is being a selfish you know what. What do you think people would call me if I let my car alarm go off for 8 hours on end - knowing it was on. There's really no difference.

Anonymous said...

I find it hard to accept people that think that the whole world is their ash tray. How about those that dump their ash trays out on the street.

Anisha said...

When airport security asks me to take off my FLIP FLOPS to check for bombs.

When credit collection people call us to talk to the woman who had this number before us, and then don't believe us when we tell them she isn't at this number anymore.

The ice cream truck that has been parked downstairs playing "Pop goes the weasel" for the past hour and a half.

Alice said...

I'm pretty much with you on that whole yappy dog thing and there are days I want to drive to Wal-Mart and buy a BB gun. Grrr...

Anonymous said...

Why are companies limiting us to a choice of only English and Spanish? No one has ever asked me if I want my taxes explained in Norwegian or Polish, or is our government prejudiced against my ancestors?

Anonymous said...

I should have inserted a little smiley face in my comment. I thought it was plenty funny, Jeff. It's just not something you'd normally say and I wanted to call you on it.

Or maybe my B*tch Alert Level is orange today. Either way, I didn't intend to sound like a yipping dog.


Kathy said...

I sit here right now on my patio, listening to the drone of a lawn mower next door, while an ice cream truck loudly plays "The Entertainer." I'm thirsty and starving, but I can't eat or drink because I'm numb from Novocaine I got for the cavity I had filled after a day of work hell. Is that annoyed enough?

Jake Titus said...

Bastards who don't use their turn signal because they are texting/talking on the phone/reading the paper/cutting their toenails......well, you get the picture!

Ed said...

My number one annoyance is to pull up to the left turn lane but the light hasn't figured out that somebody is actually there so it doesn't turn green and I have to wait for another full two minutes until the next round...

Ridiculous fees for non sufficient funds in an account. You're not helping the problem! (no, I'm not dangerously poor but I had an auto bill draw from the wrong account without knowing it...)

Microsoft Office. When I plug in my thumb drive to save files to I must actually repeat the save process two or three times before it will show me that drive...

Michelle said...

Wow, I was thinking about posting all my stupid annoyances. I'm so glad I didn't do that tonight!

How many annoyances am I allowed?


People who tailgate / flash lights / honk horns when I'm going the speed limit on a country road that I *know* is heavily patroled.

People who smoke and flick cigarettes out the windows when they're done.

People who don't understand the possessive. It's and its are not interchangeable. Tomato's means that it belongs to the tomato, not more than one tomato.

Schools that have banned birthday celebrations.

Schools that have banned Halloween.

People who can't figure out that, yes, it's possible to fill up your car from the left side of the gas pump regardless of what side your gas tank is on and thus form a really long line that I can't get around.

Bikers who bike on the wrong side of the road (coming towards me) and pedestrians who walk on the wrong side of the road (walking the same direction as me).

People at Costco who can't figure out that beer comes in a case not a half case and hold up the line while they have to go all the way back to the rear of the store to get the rest of the case.

Food that spoils in two days.

People who lie.

People who park in handicapped spots but don't have handicapped sticker.

Dishwashers that take three hours to run.

People who sign up to do something on a particular date, knowing that they are being counted on, and can't be bothered to a) make a commitment and show up for it or b) find a replacement.

Manicurists who look like they don't want to be there while they're making your hands beautiful.

Snorers who share my bed.

People who can fall asleep anytime, anywhere.

Prickly weeds.

Being deferred when donating blood because of low iron.

I think I should stop before my blood pressure goes up anymore...

Jeff and Charli Lee said...

bill - Amen. I just saw someone do that the other day. I wanted to pull my car in front of them and block them and make them go back and clean it up - but that probably wouldn't have worked out the way I wanted.

anisha - Too funny. You can't be too careful about those flip flops. You could have really tiny little bombs in between your toes or something.

alice - A slingshot and those little tree berries work pretty well too. Shhh, you didn't hear that from me.

bill - Sorry, no speaky Engli.

jennine - Thanks for the clarification, you had me going! Oh, and Avitable IS contagious, so be careful not to stand too close to him. :-)

kathy - I missed you this quarter. See if you can open the PA meeting hall for next time. I don't think I have enough staff to handle your people here too!

jake - Unfortunately, I wish you were joking about the toenails!

ve - I hate it even more when the guy in front of me in the left lane doesn't turn his left blinker on until AFTER he stops at the light, when I thought he was going to keep going straight ahead. And then I'm stuck behind him until he completes his turn. Grrrr!

michelle - This support group really is cathartic. I'm so glad you were able to share so much with us this month.

yoo hoo said...

Listening to a call in program on the radio and someone who calls in and can't form a sentence, let alone a thought. I turn the radio off as soon as I can.

Petite G. said...

Man, I have too many to list. But I'll give it a try.

People who chew/talk/smack with their mouth open while eating.

People who do not know the proper use of the words a lot, your/'re, to(o).

People who talk on their phones while in line at a store and then proceed to talk while ringing out.

People who get in the fast lane and then proceed to drive slower than the slow lane.

People who speed up when you try to pass them, then slow down when they know you can't.

I'm getting aggravated just writing it down. Thanks for letting me vent.

Anonymous said...

Generally all the above - I feel better just reading them in that "purging" kind of way.

Plus people who don't turn on their left turn signal until AFTER the light turns green

People who pace around in stores and other public places loudly yakking at their cell phones. Of course, that reminds me that they are one piece of plastic away from all the poor pathetic homeless people walking in the streets in the 80's after the Reagan Administration eliminated funding for institutions for the mentally ill. Thinking of the loud yakkers that way gives me a laugh.

Mother Theresa said...

Oh the cell phone thing. I hate that too. I always forget to turn mine off at night. Hey, I even wrote a little thing over at Scrivel about that one.

Besides that:
-People who take their dogs to the corner of your house to do their business.
-People who meet up with their friends in the supermarket and block the aisles for hours.
-Calls at lunchtime by phone companies explaining why you should switch to them.

Shieldmaiden96 said...

1. Restaurants that wipe down all the tables all day with the same mung rag and the same gray bucket of barely-sanitized water, so that by mid-afternoon when I finally get to go have lunch the table smells like the bathroom.

2. People who make a joke that isn't that funny, and when no one laughs, they explain it. 'Cause they figure we just didn't get it. No. You are an idiot. Shut up.

3. Nurses who stare at me blankly when they KNOW we need certain paperwork they are SUPPOSED TO HAVE when we bring them a patient, then, realizing they have annoyed me, ignore me and talk over my head to my older, male EMT partner. I will beat you with this metal clipboard. I will. (Sorry, that's a really specific annoyance, but its happened to me a couple of times.)

Jeff and Charli Lee said...

carla - I know! It makes you wish you had the power to interrupt them and finish their sentences for them.

jillian - Hmmm, has my wife been talking to you about the food smacking thing?

daniel - Hey, whatever it takes! So glad we could be here for you. :-)

mother theresa - Your Scrivel post was hysterical. I left a comment for you over there.

shieldmaiden96 - Yes, the dreaded restaurant rag. Ugh! Blech! Ewww! And don't worry about listing personal specific grievances... we welcome all annoyances here!

markira said...

Mine are mainly kid-related this time around. Sorry, my life as a mom is showing.

* Kids, who rather than put away the laundry you have spent all day washing, drying and folding, instead put it on their floor, where it gets mixed up with their dirty clothes, and then they bring the entire pile down to you to wash, so that you end up rewashing clean clothes (usually still folded, even) that you don't want to just pull out and put back in their room, because the clothes have now been associating rather too closely with disgusting smelly socks and underwear.

* Kids who are apparently incapable of shutting a drawer or cabinet.

* People (okay, mostly my kids) who put their dirty dishes on the counter on top of the dishwasher without even checking to see if the dishwasher is empty.

* Mean middle school girls who torment my son for their own amusement, after having spent the better part of the school year with him as one of their best friends.

* People who tailgate. And yes, I will be one of those annoying people who then deliberately slow down in front of you, knowing you can't pass. It is a strong hint to get the hell off my ass.

* People who pass you at about 90mph as another car is approaching in the other lane, scaring the living hell out of you as you envision the probable smashup, only to then see that car stopped at a quik-mart a half mile up the road. Really, people?

* Kids who hear you ask fifteen times in the morning whether we need anything in particular at the store, and then that afternoon, right after you get home from shopping, suddenly announce that you are out of milk.

* People who tell you that "all you have to do is" followed by something that you can't do.

* Well-meaning meddling grandparents who try to get you to let up on an appropriate punishment, when you know damn well that if you had done the same thing when you were a kid, you wouldn't have been able to sit down for a week.

Breathe, mk, breathe.

Mom Thumb said...

I have one annoyance right now and it may make me stroke out. It's initials are HC and it better back off already.

Jeff and Charli Lee said...

markira - Holy crap, we could have written every one of those kid gripes ourselves. Great rants!

mom thumb - "It's" initials or "her" initials? ;-)

markira said...

I am the goddess of gripe. ;)

cathouse teri said...

Hi, my name is Teri and I'm annoying.

Now what?

Maureen said...

Two words:

Columbia House

'nuff said.

G said...

What is it with these foul mouthed kids?

What really gets me are people who ask your opinion in a store as you wait on line, when they really only want to hear their own opinion echoed back. Could you please leave me to my own dark thoughts here, folks? Bugger off!

Karen MEG said...

Drivers who sit there waiting for the advanced green to turn left; then when it comes they WAIT and you have to honk them to get them to move. Then the light is wasted.

Parents who let their kids bounce around the back seat without being strapped into a car seat.

People who wear hats or fro's in the movie theatre.

People who want your parking spot but leave you absolutely no room to get out of it.

Oh, Jeff, I could go on and on...

Anonymous said...

I got excited by the title.
Don’t I know how you feel!!

Jeff and Charli Lee said...

makira - Great title! I think you should go with it.

teri - Hah! Good one. Although our mission here is to help the annoyed, we are an equal opportunity group that will welcome the annoying as well.

maureen - Really? Is that stupid scam still in business? I remember buying into it when I was about 13 and getting my first 10 records for 99 cents. Then of course I had to buy another 10 records at triple the regular cost. I think I finally finished paying it off last year.

g - Ahh... the old "people who love to hear themselves talk" annoyance. Yes my dear, that is a classic.

karen - Oh yeah. Where are the cops when you see a car full of unbuckled kids?

kamasutra - The title does have a certain allure to it, doesn't it? ;-)

Sandy said...

Summer - the swet dripping my neck and feeling myself smelly

Those hip hop people who loves to just show.In short showiness

being in public places and finding myself in huge crowd. Love loneliness and silence

Hate too much noise.

Anonymous said...

I hate that screaming commercial guy. I think he sells cleaning products. I have to mute the channel or I'll go deaf. Why does he have to be so loud?!

Anonymous said...

First, that red light thing made me mad all over again!! I was at a left-turn light, late after work, not another car in sight and it would change in all directions but mine. I sat there through THREE light changes and mine never turned green. I even backed up and went forward again, in vain. It wasn't until six other cars pulled up behind me that the light finally turned green!! I was so PISSED!!

Second, my personal pet peeve is people who DRIVE TOO SLOW! The speed limit isn't a suggestion people! 30 in a 45 is not acceptable!!

I think I felt something snap in my brain... I must go lie down.

Seals said...

I didn't mention this the other day but I hate Letterman's fake, back-from-break segment. It has pissed me off for like 20-something years.

Jeff and Charli Lee said...

sandy - Ahh, silence can be golden sometimes. Especially after raising 3 kids for 18 years. ;-)

anon - He screams so loud because you keep turning him down. If you'd just leave the volume alone he'd talk at a normal volume.

corrina - The red light thing is even worse if you drive a motorcycle. I just go through the red light if it doesn't go green for me after 2 cycles.

ajooja - I was wondering if anyone was going to agree with me on that one. That's a major irritant to me so I was surprised that nobody else thought it was too.

bon bon said...

holy crap, you've open pandora's box, jeff! maybe an "admirable anonymous" post is in order to bring the blood pressure back down.

elizabeth— my husband and i are also sans cell phones. eventually, i will be in the proximity of a land line. please feel free to leave a message.

Windyridge said...

The "what's coming up" blip on the bottom right of the TV screen.

Everything you said.

People that chew gum with their mouths open.

Shieldmaiden96 said...

I remembered one more delight that I've witnessed several times since I moved to the country:

Guys (Jeebus, I HOPE they were guys) who choose the moment they are in front of me at a red light to DUMP THE CUP THEY SPIT INTO out on the street so I get to sit there and watch the last brown stringy looger streeeetch as you shake it and try to get it to break free. First of all, you might as well eat cookies out of the litter box, as disgusting as chewing is. Its the only habit that screams "I never want to have sex ever, ever again". Second, I don't want to see your collected Copenhagen-tinged sputum. Ever. For any reason.

Jeff and Charli Lee said...

bon bon - Maybe you're on to something.... a post about things we like! Naw, it would never work. There's a reason they say "misery loves company."

windyridge - You think you'd be used to open-mouth chewers with all the livestock on your ranch. ;-)

shieldmaiden96 - Once when I was hitchhiking I got picked up by a guy in a pickup truck who had a large coffee can on his front seat half full of brown sludge. I thought it was old motor oil or something. Then, right before I got out he turned his head and spit his chew juice into it. I thought I was gonna barf right there on the spot!

The Super Bongo said...

Hi, I'm Super Bongo, and I'm annoyed. I get annoyed with people who clog up exits/entrances. They walk out of a shop, and stop to rumage through their purse or call someone on their cell . . . with no consideration for the fact they are blocking the free and easy movement of everyone trying to exit or enter the store too.