Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Dear Diary - Help Me Rhonda

The saga continues...

If you've been following my Dear Diary series, you'll know that I've been resurrecting old diary entries from a journal I kept when I was a mere 18 years old.

Here is the next installment.

"...Smokey ended up talking us into playing in our underwear that night for a small price and some beer."

When we last left young Jeffrey, he had just fallen in love with yet another fantasy girl and was also trying to determine his fate as a musician.

And as we learned, he indeed did choose a path of life on the road. But what about Kim, the "absolute girl of my dreams" and "the girl I want to marry?" How did that work out?

Well, let's find out, shall we?

Since this is a fairly long entry, I've summarized the more embarrassing passages below and highlighted some important key phrases that I think clearly represents Jeffrey's maturity and wisdom.

At the end, you can click the "Read More" link at the bottom to read the whole episode in its entirety if you're interested.

So then, let's catch up with Jeffrey after being on the road for only 2 months...

...Then we rolled into Ottumwa – 40 miles North of Missouri. The land of nowhere. NO – lots of cows. We played at Radar O’Reillys Bar there. The one from MASH - or it was named after him because they always said on the show that he was from Ottumwa.
(click to enlarge)
The first Wed we were there – as is with all Wed’s – they had male strippers and the guys couldn’t get in till 10:00. Well Smokey ended up talking us into playing in our underwear that night for a small price and some beer. It was also the first night I saw Rhonda – after we were done. She came late so she wouldn’t have to see all those guys shake their dicks around in G-strings. We were in bikini underwear and were hiding behind our instruments so it wasn’t so bad. Besides, we only did it for about 10 minutes. The girls loved it too. There was even old ladies there about 50 years old. Brad stood on the table and they started playing with his legs. It was really funny.

Anyway, I only talked with Rhonda for a second and thought she was the most beautiful girl I’d ever met.

"...the most beautiful girl I'd ever met." Well, except for Kim from June, and Christine from May. But other than that.

The important thing was, she wasn't an ancient 50 year old lady.

We were pretty broke too from traveling all that way and in the middle of the second week we were so broke that we turned all our beer and pop cans in for the 5c refund and bought some bread and bologna and milk so we could eat! That’s desperate.

And we played the next Wed. night for the same deal – in our underwear – only this time for about ½ hour – Oh and no guys there when we finished like the first Wed. That was really embarrassing getting done and walking through a room full of guys in your underwear. But – this time Rhonda was there to greet me when I got off stage. Boy I just zipped passed her straight to the back room. She was all smiles.

Afterwords I talked to her for awhile but had to go play some more. When I was playing I saw her with a guy and when we were done she was talking to Mikey – who was trying to hussel her – as usual. So I went up to her and we talked some more and I asked her if I could have her phone number since we would be there for the rest of the week. Well she said “why don’t you just come with me in my Lincoln Continental.” So I did, and we drove around and made out and talked. And the next day I saw her and the next day after that but she had to leave on Sat and we were going on Sun. So I wrote her a letter and that was that. I tell you I’ve never been so struck so hard by a girl before. I was in love with her before we left. Of course I think I probably fall in love too easy though but in this case I was right.

"That was really embarrassing getting done and walking through a room full of guys in your underwear." Really? You think? A grown man walking through a bar full of people in bikini underwear? I have no idea what my problem was.

Although now that I think about it, I really didn't have anything to be embarrassed about.

My week with Rhonda was one of the most beautiful weeks in my life. As far as I can remember. She came on June 8 for 6 days and stayed at Cindy’s house the whole time which worked out great. I picked her up at the Bus Depot on Mon. We went to Pizza Hut that night and then to our house where we talked to Mom and Dad for awhile. Then I took her to Cindy’s house.

During this week we literally fell in love with each other and it was very, very nice – well it still is. I’ll probably never forget that week as long as I live.

She is the most perfect girl I’ve ever met. Short, sexy, petite, blond and smart, or at least real. We have just about everything I can think of in common and we get along great. I want to live with her because she has a whole house full of furniture and essentials that you need to fill up an apartment. Not the real reason though, that just makes it easier – the real reason is because I’m in love with her and I want to be with her as much as possible. Well, we’ll see what happens to this romance later I guess. Probably soon too.


"I picked her up at the bus depot on Mon. We went to Pizza Hut that night..." Can you believe we never saw each other again after that visit? And what a shame too - she had ALL that furniture!
* * * * *

There's a LOT more to this story, including tons of mushy romance. So like I said above - if you're interested in reading all the gory details of this episode, click the "Read More" link below to see the transcript in its entirety. You may be glad you did.

Also, my ranking at Humor-Blogs.com has taken a serious dive. If you liked this post, please click the smiley face here to help everyone love me again.

* * * * *


Then we rolled into Ottumwa – 40 miles North of Missouri. The land of nowhere. NO – lots of cows.

We played at Radar O’Reillys Bar there. The one from MASH - or it was named after him because they always said on the show that he was from Ottumwa. Anyway, we played there a week and I was a little shaky but got confident by the end. We were supposed to head up to Albert Lee Minn the next week but started having trouble with Eddie S - our agent. An asshole from Greenbay. He cancelled that and wanted us to drive to Munsing Ind, about 500 miles east. Well we were supposed to go to Brainerd after Albert Lee for 2 weeks so that meant we would have to drive from Ind to Brainerd in 2 days and start playing. About 1000 miles or so. So we gave up and went home but Smokey (the owner of Radars) gave us a reprieve and said we could stay another week. Well this was great because we kind of liked it there. It was real crazy too.

The first Wed we were there – as is with all Wed’s – they had male strippers and the guys couldn’t get in till 10:00. Well Smokey ended up talking us into playing in our underwear that night for a small price and some beer. It was also the first night I saw Rhonda – after we were done. She came late so she wouldn’t have to see all those guys shake their dicks around in G-strings. We were in bikini underwear and were hiding behind our instruments so it wasn’t so bad. Besides, we only did it for about 10 minutes. The girls loved it too. There was even old ladies there about 50 years old. Brad stood on the table and they started playing with his legs. It was really funny.

Anyway, I only talked with Rhonda for a second and thought she was the most beautiful girl I’d ever met. She was really pretty that night – and still is. So we played that week and the next and stayed at a pretty sad place – a cheesy motel the 1st week and Smokey’s house the second.

We were pretty broke too from traveling all that way and in the middle of the second week we were so broke that we turned all our beer and pop cans in for the 5c refund and bought some bread and bologna and milk so we could eat! That’s desperate.

And we played the next Wed. night for the same deal – in our underwear – only this time for about ½ hour – Oh and no guys there when we finished like the first Wed. That was really embarrassing getting done and walking through a room full of guys in your underwear. But – this time Rhonda was there to greet me when I got off stage. Boy I just zipped passed her straight to the back room. She was all smiles.

Afterwords I talked to her for awhile but had to go play some more. When I was playing I saw her with a guy and when we were done she was talking to Mikey – who was trying to hussel her – as usual. So I went up to her and we talked some more and I asked her if I could have her phone number since we would be there for the rest of the week. Well she said “why don’t you just come with me in my Lincoln Continental.” So I did, and we drove around and made out and talked. And the next day I saw her and the next day after that but she had to leave on Sat and we were going on Sun. So I wrote her a letter and that was that. I tell you I’ve never been so struck so hard by a girl before. I was in love with her before we left. Of course I think I probably fall in love too easy though but in this case I was right.

My week with Rhonda was one of the most beautiful weeks in my life. As far as I can remember. She came on June 8 for 6 days and stayed at Cindy’s house the whole time which worked out great. I picked her up at the Bus Depot on Mon. We went to Pizza Hut that night and then to our house where we talked to Mom and Dad for awhile. Then I took her to Cindy’s house.

During this week we literally fell in love with each other and it was very, very nice – well it still is. I’ll probably never forget that week as long as I live.

The next day we went out sight seeing and to Grandmas for dinner. Mom and Dad were at home so we sat at Cindy’s that night.

The next day we went to the cabin overnight with bar’b’qued chicken and wine. We swam and ate and drank wine and everything else that goes with it. Real romantic because that’s the way I like it. We came home an spent the next couple of day together drinking wine and loving each other. It was truly beautiful and am really looking forward to seeing her soon.

We went out with Mark and Donna (who are another story all together) on our last night and took her to the bus station the next morning. I had taken a week off from work to do this and it was well worth it. We said goodbye and as of today the last time I’ve seen her. A total time now of about 8 days. But strangely enough, 8 perfect days in love. I do love her and hope I will be able to very soon.

She is the most perfect girl I’ve ever met. Short, sexy, petite, blond and smart, or at least real. We have just about everything I can think of in common and we get along great. I want to live with her because she has a whole house full of furniture and essentials that you need to fill up an apartment. Not the real reason though, that just makes it easier – the real reason is because I’m in love with her and I want to be with her as much as possible. Well, we’ll see what happens to this romance later I guess. Probably soon too.

40 comments:

Elizabeth said...

Hmmm, what else are you willing to do for a small price and some beer?

yellojkt said...

Not to bust your nuts, but that is about the wussiest diary entry I have ever read. You spent eight days "loving" each other and there are no details. Never gonna sell the serial rights to Playboy with that style.

Rickey Henderson said...

Rule of thumb: when strange men named Smokey attempt to talk you into stripping down to your skivvies, just say no to em (and to forest fires if they're anthropomorphic bears).

damon said...

50 year old women loooove the man-kini!

Sam said...

You know what - I am jealous of young Jeff.

He has it all! Short Girls. Bikini's. Pizza...

Roger said...

You certainly fall in love an awful lot... Maybe she just liked what she was seeing while you were on stage. :)

Glad to hear that you 'literally fell in love" as opposed to, say , lust... Could it be, SATAN!

I'll go pump up your smiley face, because of Ottumwa (I had a marching band contest there once, I think.)

Jennine said...

I can't believe you post this stuff! It's hilarious and at the same time I'm forced to cover my eyes and peek while I read it because I never know what you're gonna fess up to next.

It's like watching the first few episodes of a new season of American Idol where the white, lanky, church boy attempts to sound like Barry White while singing "Fever".

You want to look away but you can't.

You are a brave one.

Gette said...

Oh, the visual! Man-kinis and 80's hair.

Heather said...

I noticed you glossed over the mention that you were so desperate for food that you had to turn in your beer cans. Not so desperate that you didn't have beer though eh?

Mom Thumb said...

I am so impressed that you have the balls to publish this. But I am pretty ticked off about that whole 50 year old being old ladies. You will pay in a future blog . . . I don't know how, but for an old lady, I am pretty clever.

Drowsey Monkey said...

She's short, petite and has furniture! LOL You were easy to please I must say. :)

Michelle said...

Ahh, the bloom of young love. Do you thikn it was the Pizza Hut that killed it or the talk of moving in because she has great furniture? I love that she stayed at someone else's house. Smart parents!

cathouse teri said...

I don't think I could take any more!

I mean, that Rhonda sure came a lot. no wonder you liked her! First she came late, then she came in the Lincoln (asking you to join her) and then on June 8 she came for six days!!!!

Killed me to see that old word "hussel." Haven't heard that one in thirty years. :)

Respectfully yours,
Old Lady Teri

Babs (Beetle) said...

There was even old ladies there about 50 years old. Hmmm.... Should I get upset?

I suppose at 18 anyone over 25 is old ha ha!

Jeff said...

elizabeth - In those days... almost anything! Obviously.

yellojkt - Yeah, it appears I was self-editing at the time. Probably worried that it would fall into the wrong hands at some point (i.e. mom and dad).

rickey - So I shouldn't strip for anthropomorphic bears either?

damon - You ain't a kidding!

sam - Yes, it seems he did live the charmed life, didn't he.

roger - You think? This was the 3rd "most beautiful girl I've ever seen" in what... 3 months?

jennine - How did you know I sang "Fever" on AI? I didn't think that clip ever aired.

gette - Quick... cover your imaginary eyes!

heather - Kind of a theme of mine in those days eh? I had the same issue in FL just a few years later.

mom thumb - No problem with the balls to publish this. I keep them in a man-kini.

drowsey - I may have been easy, but not cheap. No wait... I forgot about the "small price and some beer" thing. Nevermind.

michelle - I just don't get it. What girl wouldn't fall for a guy who buys her Pizza Hut. It's not like I chose Domino's or something.

teri - Actually, it's supposed to be spelled "hustle" but young Jeff-furry wasn't a very good speller. And yes, Rhonda was very satisfied... at least in my mind.

babs - Exactly. When you're 18, 35 seems like a stretch!

rick said...

Love whore!!!

leigh said...

this is awesome. i'm not even going to bag on you for the 50 year old lady comment. it totally made me nostalgic for those old pizza hut dates.

Bill said...

I remember a very pretty rich girl from Palm Springs. Her dad was not too interested in a long haired musician, but he did like music because he sang that Ray Charles hit, "Hit the road, Jeff, and don't come back no more, no more." I wonder if he is happy today with whom his daughter finally ended up with?

Alice said...

You really now how to treat a gal, Jeff. Pizza Hut..mmmmm...

The line about her having furniture killed me.

JD at I Do Things said...

AH HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Ah, the life of a rock 'n' roller: playing in your underwear for old ladies in their 50s.

I love these diary entries.

JD at I Do Things

cathouse teri said...

Ya, I be knowin' the correct spelling. So cute when a guy so confidently misspells in his diary. :)

Maureen said...

Gahhh!!! I'm nearly 50 (well almost 48) and young guys think I'm "ancient"?????

I'm off to cry now.


(Love your diary entries; your wife must think these are a riot...)

Jeff said...

rick - Shameless, wasn't I?

leigh - Where were you when I was looking for love?

bill - You're right... "dad" wasn't too excited to come home from his vacation and find me alone in his house with his daughter. I may have to write about that one some time.

alice - Hey, I was just thinking about the practice aspects of the relationship as well. There's something to be said for that, right? Right?

jd - Yes indeed. It doesn't get any better than that.

teri - It's actually hard for me to transcribe these entries because I'm constantly wanting to fix the spelling and grammar. But I must stay true to the original word!

maureen - Like I've said before... my wife tolerates posts like these because she loves me, and she knows it's important for me to write things that *I* think are funny - even if she doesn't think so herself. Which is most of the time.

cathouse teri said...

That would be hard for me, too. Not to fix the spelling. But I know we all appreciate the fact that you share the entirety of the experience of youth with us that was logged so long ago. You're the bomb!

VE said...

jeff - Bwahahaha. I was almost shaking waiting to see who would crush you like a bug for your "ancient 50 year old" comment. I thought for sure it would be Teri. Alas, you've just made Maureen cry. You are such a heartbreaker, Dream maker, love taker, Dont you mess around with...sorry, got lost in the 80s with Pat Benetar there for a second....

Kathy said...

I wouldn't be too hard on Jeff for the 50 year old comment. He's what now? 70?

Jeff, I love stumbling your posts because the fun of it is tagging the entry. This one got "furniture, girls, underwear." Your diary has it all. Can't wait for the next installment. When's the movie coming out?

Jeff said...

teri - I was the bomb all right. I bombed with every girl I met!

ve - I was in love with Pat Benetar - can you believe it?

kathy - 70 eh? Very funny. But hey, thanks for the Stumble tags. I can't wait for my new traffic to arrive ;b

Sexy Housewife said...

You were livin' the dream to be sure! Gigs, chicks, strippers (oh wait, that was you), what more could you want?!

;-)

Maureen said...

*sniff*

Thanks VE.

VE said...

Your welcome Maureen. The reality is that Jeff and I are right behind you anyway.

Oh, and Jeff, in love with Pat Benatar? The embarrassments never end over at Jeff's, do they? Good thing your such a nice guy...

Dorky Dad said...

Thank you, Jeff, for making it easy for a no-attention-span guy like me to read that post.

And personally, household furniture was always one of my top priorities in a woman. So I'm totally with you there.

shyloh said...

What a wonderful writer you are. Thank you for your visit and keep up the great writing. Have a wonderful weekend.

Babs (Beetle) said...

Just checked out your 'Toons' page. I say - Don't give up the toons! Why not make a regular cartoon strip for your blog?

Jeff said...

sexy housewife - Apparently beer was a high priority at the time too.

maureen - Aw yes, VE's like the Dr. Phil of blog feelings.

ve - That what I'm here for... Embarrassments-R-Us!

dorky dad - Hey, I was being practical. I was just ahead of the curve for my age.

shyloh - I will... thanks!

babs - Thank you! I may just think about doing that.

cathouse teri said...

You bombed with all these girls? Really? So, they all dumped you?

Jeff said...

teri - Not exactly. I meant that I wasn't successful in either hooking up with or hanging on to these girls. I mean come on, who would want to dump me?

Memarie Lane said...

LOL you wanted to live with her because she had furniture?????

Shonda Little said...

Nothing makes me hotter than the thought of awkward, adolescent boys in pursuit of the holy switch. On behalf of my husband, "thank you in advance for sharing these innocent memories my wife perceives as racy."

Bill said...

We used to have a mug with "Rhonda" on it on a shelf in our basement. You could have bought a lot of macaroni and cheese for such an investment.

April said...

I'm so glad I didn't miss this diary entry. I laughed, I cried - well, I teared up from laughing so damn hard. Favorite moments: "hussel" and the lust for real furniture.
Does your wife now take you to Ikea when she wants to get you in the mood?