Dateline: Last night, 2:27 A.M.
As I slumber peacefully, awash in blissful dreams of scantily-clad Korg Tritons, my fantasies are suddenly crushed as my bed explodes into a violent disruption of blankets being ripped from the bed and thrown onto the floor.
"What the hell?! What's going on?!!!" I shout as I sit straight up, COMPLETELY uncovered and freezing my ass off.
"It's hot in here" my wife moans - and not in the seductive way that would have made being jolted awake at this hour worth it.
This is not the first time this scene has played out this way. Over the last year or so I've been jarred awake several times as Charli suddenly deems it "too hot" in our bed (of course she is sleeping next to me... duh) and decides she has to have the blankets off... NOW!
I know hot flashes in middle aged women are a normal thing, but the problem is, no one else is experiencing the same thing at the same time. And this can be problematic.
For example, the other day we took a little trip up to Duluth in our car and Charli had the air conditioning blasting on full arctic freeze mode. Poor Roseanna was in the back seat wearing a hooded sweatshirt and cowering under a picnic blanket while my knees were turning numb from the Alberta clippers emitting from the dashboard vents.
And our house is no different either. Fortunately we can't put our overhead fan on high in our bedroom because the blades are out of balance and it wobbles so violently I'm afraid it's going to break free from the ceiling and decapitate us while we sleep.
I've now taken to building a little blanket cocoon in our bed where only I get the bedspread and comforter but the sheet still goes across both of us.
But I take solace in knowing that I'm not alone with this issue. Why just yesterday Jay wrote the exact same thing about how she thought she was going to spontaneously combust.
So we're working on it. Charli keeps the house a cool 42 degrees and the rest of us huddle around each other for warmth. It's a beautiful thing actually.
My kids haven't asked for this many hugs in years.
Burst into laughter at humor blogs!