1. Illinois toll roads pretty much suck. So what are they using the money for again?
2. I apparently do not understand the term "express lane."
3. When driving from St. Cloud toward the east coast, my teeth officially don their first set of wool sweaters just before Chicago.
4. It takes a lot of skill to keep a gas station's spring loaded toilet seat down with one foot while you put the requisite 2 pounds of toilet paper on it so you can quickly turn around to sit down to poop without launching your toilet paper shield to the ceiling.
5. Gas stations do NOT buy soft toilet paper - AND - what exactly are you supposed to do with those little rectangle sheets of toilet paper that some dispensers use?
6. Illinois, Indiana, Ohio and New York have a cover charge. Pennsylvania is all... "Hey come on in... we don't charge a cover here. Plus, well drinks are 2-for-1 from 5 to 7 every night!"
7. Random portions of Indiana, Ohio and Pennsylvania frequently smell like egg farts.
8. Renting 12 DVDs and making sure the kids all had separate ways to play them was the smartest thing I ever did. In my whole life.
9. There are exactly no places to get fast food in the 200 miles between Pembine and Barron, WI after 6 pm on a Monday night.
10. A Ford Taurus was NOT designed for a 6'4" guy with a boney ass.
You don't have to travel far to find humor!