Sunday, September 14, 2008

Dear Diary - The Harlequin Edition

Oh geez… what have I done.

Even I’m embarrassed by this one. And I thought the most embarrassing entries were behind me.

Oh what the hell. You the people have made it clear that you approve of the chronicles of young Jeffrey and have continued to ask for more*. Therefore, this entry should indeed be considered a classic case of “be careful what you ask for.”

And so it continues…

In this sickeningly revealing tell-all, young Jeffrey spills his guts about how he truly feels about Rhonda.

And I recommend you grab a barf bag for yourselves because I’m quite certain that while reading this, you’ll be spilling your guts as well.

Rhonda keeps going through my head a lot too. I sometimes wonder about her. I’m crazy about her and have written her dozens of letters and call her and send her presents and everything. But she responds very vaguely and that worries me. I really love her a lot and she said she loves me but I couldn’t judge her sincerity. Maybe that should tell me something there. I know she could feel mine – I forced it on her. Not really but now I wonder if I was a little pushy on wanting her so badly. I’m sure every guy she meets feels the same way and she’s probably tired of it. She probably wants someone who’ll ignore her for all I know.

I guess what confused me is the fact that when she was here she acted so loving to me constantly and maybe I took it too strong – but how else was I supposed to. Like I said – confused. I think I’ll start holding out on my phone calls and letters a while and let her make the moves like I did before she came up here. That worked fine. I didn’t call her for awhile and I wrote her a letter saying I thought she was losing interest in me – and then she called and said she was coming. Well she knows well enough how I feel about her so I’ll scratch the letter this time. She’ll have to get a hold of me if she wants to go to Seattle with me this fall.

But in all honesty I really hope she does because I’d love to get together with that girl more than any girl I’ve met yet. She is just right for me. I hope I’m the same for her. That’s just the problem with her too. I write and tell her all about how I feel about her and I never hear a word from her about how she feels about me except for that she misses me a bit. She is kind of, well thoughtless I guess sometimes. Like on her birthday I sent her a bunny and card and letter and all my love and she knew when mine was and I didn’t even get a “happy birthday” from her either way. I must say that hurt quite a bit.

I guess maybe she’s so absorbed in how much I say I love her that she feels that everything’s fine and she doesn’t have to do anything more except sit back and enjoy it. Or – maybe she’s afraid to come back on to me for fear of getting deluged with love from me and a proposal or what not. Who knows what’s going through her cute little head? I sure don’t. Well, I’ll find out all about it soon enough when if I don’t hear from her I’ll call her up and confront her with the whole situation and find out where she’s really at with me. Because if she wants me, I’ll be true and wait and everything. But I’m not going to sit lame for nothing if she’s not serious about us. After all, I am a male and have my drives like everyone else and need love too.

Once again with this situation – we’ll see.


We’ll see indeed.

Will young Jeffrey ever see Rhonda again? Will he eventually be arrested for stalking, or worse yet... posing as a bad teen romance author? And most importantly - where will his maleness drive him?

So stay tuned, because these and other pressing questions will be answered in the next installment of Dear Diary.


* * * * *

If you managed to keep your gag reflex to a simple dry heave, please give me a smile

* Click here to follow the entire Dear Diary series

35 comments:

The Doozie said...

Yes, that is stalkerish. I would like to know how long you carried on like that. And as for what was going through her head? AIR.

I'm willing to bet that she is overweight, married to a jerk and has 5 kids from 3 different fathers. You might want to check into that.

Gette said...

Har. You sap. Yer far better off anyway. ;)

Maureen said...

Oh, poor young Jeff... that is so cute and sad at the same time. Obviously she didn't deserve you. I hope your next installment has your younger self dumping her and moving on to someone who would appreciate you.

You're lucky no one ever found your journal when you were still writing it... did they? I was always terrified my big brother would find mine and tease me endlessly about it.

Heather said...

I'm sure I had similar entries in my journals...I was so clueless. "I wonder why he doesn't call me back? I wonder if he likes me as much as I like him?" Well, obviously not, or he'd be calling you.

Heather said...

Just proves that when you find the right person, you know.

Bill said...

That cup with RHONDA on it was on the basement shelf for a long time, before we threw it out. You could not have done better than Charli, even if we could have gotten a free funerals from Rhonds's father.

Elizabeth said...

"Like on her birthday I sent her a bunny and card and letter and all my love"
Hee hee, OMG, how could she resist?

Kathy said...

I am speechless. I am without speech.

yellojkt said...

Wow, you were emo before emo was uncool.

Anonymous said...

~Fran Drescher laugh~

Jennine said...

oops! Didn't mean to leave my Fran Drescher laugh anonymous. I want you to know exactly who is fran drescher laughing at, er... I mean WITH you!

Babs (Beetle) said...

Poor Jeff. How sweet. If you had been saying all that to me I'd.....I'd.....run for fear of being drowned in love!

And Kathy, without speech! I don't believe it!

Jeff said...

doozie - Ha, that's a good one. Maybe someday when I have more money than I need I'll hire someone to check into that.

gette - Sap fits... considering the gooey crap I spilled into my diary.

maureen - More sad than cute actually. I don't think anyone else was reading it. If they were it was more their problem than mine.

heather - Well, I thought I had found the right person, but obviously I was wrong. Until I met my wife that it.

bill - Good point! He would have been handy as a father-in-law.

elizabeth - That's what I wanted to know!

kathy - Oh my, that's a first! ;-)

yellojkt - Yeah, but I didn't make it a lifestyle. But I did wear black a lot.

jennine - Thanks for the cackle. I can hear it in my head very clearly.

babs - So you're saying I came on too strong? You think? And no kidding about Kathy. That's what I said!

Sandy said...

You have your DRIVES???

Sorry, but that is hilarious!

I can't wait to hear what happens.

Michelle said...

Well, I'm glad to hear that you weren't going to sit lame for nothing. If you're going to sit lame, make sure you're sitting lame for something.

Ahhh, poor, young, innocent Jeffrey.

Mom Thumb said...

If I didn't have my own lame-ass journals lying around, I would run screaming from your blog forever. But I can't because, you know, people who live in glass diaries . . .

cathouse teri said...

Omigod! I had no idea that you were the writer of that song, CHERISH!

Jeff said...

sandy - Me too. I actually haven't read ahead so it'll be news to me too.

michelle - Ya... poor, young, innocent, lame Jeffrey.

mom thumb - Wait... you have lame-ass journals and you're not sharing? Wassup with that?

teri - "...you don't know how many times I've wished that I could mold you into someone who could cherish me as much as I, cherish you..."
Ahh yes... it doesn't get any better than that.

VE said...

You know if you Babelfish this into Spanish it'll make a terrific soap opera on the Latino channels!

cathouse teri said...

What about this part:

Oh I could say I need you but then you'd realize
That I want you just like a thousand other guys
Who'd say they loved you With all the rest of their lies
When all they wanted was to touch your face, your hands
And gaze into your eyes!

Yep.

Mom Thumb said...

OK, now I'm getting flashbacks of the thousands of hours I spent listening to that song while gazing soulfully at the picture of David Cassidy on the front of the album cover. In fact, I think there is something in my diary about running away and marrying him.

Ed (zoesdad) said...

she responds very vaguely, and that worries me.

Ya think? Way to put it out there, man!

Roger said...

So do you ever wonder where Rhonda ended up?

Isn't funny to look back at old journals? At least you are giving us what young Jeffrey thought and not what older Jeff would edit out.

At least you've settled down on your stalking tendancies, right? And your male drive - whatever that is! :)

regan said...

Hmm, what will happen next? I'm sure everyone wants to know....

Whit said...

Been there!

Drowsey Monkey said...

"deluged with love" {sigh} That just solidified my love for young Jeffery, lol.

carlae said...

I find this so hard to read, it makes me uncomfortable because if I were to read some of my journals from the way back days,I look like a bigger dork than I thought I was at the time. You my friend are a very brave man.

Flip Flop Momma said...

oh gosh, i have a feeling there was a restraining order issued here;)

JD at I Do Things said...

Dear Young Jeff,

If I may?

She's just not that into you.

Now go indulge your male drives.

JD at I Do Things

DFTF said...

Aw, sounds like she was stringing you along. I regret that I had a few of those kinds of "boyfriends". I wasn't really into them, but if they moved on and stopped calling I was all like, "What? Does he not like me anymore?" So, I'd call him and say, "I just wanted to say hello and talk. I miss you." Then he'd start stalking me again and I could feel like I was all that and brush him off some more. Pathetic, and definitely a more embarrassing revelation than your young Jeffrey.

Jeff said...

ve - ¡usted es sir correcto!

teri - Oh thanks, now I'm crying.

mom thumb - Umm... me too?

ed - Like I said... what the hell.

roger - That's right. I did NOT sit lame on my drives! Wait... wha?

regan - Are you an inquiring mind?

whit - You did? What did YOU think of her? Damn... I just knew she was a player.

drowsey - Too bad you and young Jeffrey never met. You might have understood him.

carlae - That's kinda the point. If I reveal my extreme 18 year old dorkiness from the past, my current dorkiness won't seem so... uh... dorky.

flip flop - Not that I know of. But then I haven't been in Iowa much since then so there could be a standing warrant for all I know. (note to self... do NOT speed in Iowa)

jd - Oh sure, NOW you tell me! Where were you 30 years ago?

dftf - Oh, so you're saying you were a typical college girl? ba-dum! Sorry, I couldn't resist ;b

Marvin the Martian said...

LOL! What a hoot. I used to think maudlin thoughts like that. A long, long time ago, when I still had a heart.

Windyridge said...

No birthday card!!! Give her the boot!

but Momma said...

It makes me SO grateful not to have written down anything that I was thinking when I was a teenager.

I second the motion, you are a brave, brave man! And you're too good for that snotty ho, Rhonda!

Jonny's Mommy said...

How old were you here because ummmm... that was scary...and really, really saaaad. But enjoyable for the rest of us.

Boy, my old journals would be a treasure trove of completely humiliating crap for me to share. Which I won't...for now.