Wow, I really don't get off my block much. I totally forgot how much of a hassle it is to travel these days.
In the two days it took me to fly from St. Cloud to St. Louis and back I had to take off my shoes and belt 4 different times. If I'm going to get undressed that many times, I'd better either be going to bed or... going to bed. (ifyouknowwhatImeansaynomorenudgenudgewinkwink)
Here are some observations:
ALWAYS were socks that don't have thread-barren ends and a hole where your baby toe sticks out.
Which begs the question... Why do we need to take off our shoes? I had a pair of dress shoes in my carry-on bag and they didn't need to see those. All I can say is I'm thankful Richard Reid didn't try to light his underwear on fire instead. Idiot.
What did they think I was going to do with the half-squozen tube of Aqua Fresh toothpaste they took away from me - run up into the cockpit and squirt it in the pilot's eyes? Maybe they were worried I would whiten somebody against their will.
The best value in beverage choice on an airplane is a can of Mr and Mrs T Bloody Mary Mix because they will give you the whole can as opposed to a portion-sized cup of soda. Probably because you'll be the only one on the plane who thinks that stuff tastes good.
A .85 oz tube of toothpaste at the airport news stand costs more than a 6 oz tube at Walgreens.
TSA agents aren't ALL scary monsters. In fact, the last one to check me in thought he was Don Rickles.
I was behind two other guys in line to be screened. The first guy had bright orange hair and the second guy had a long pony tail. Here's what Mr. Rickles had to say to each one of us after he carefully inspected our driver's license pictures, looked us up and down, and then looked at the picture again:
To the orange-haired guy: "Oh, I see the circus is back in town."
To the pony tail guy: "When did they take this picture... the day you were released?"
To me: "This has to be you. There's no way there are two guys that ugly running around."
So yeah, it was fun.
Especially the part where my knees became intimate with the guy sitting in front of me. Or the part where they made me get off the plane and check my carry-on roller bag because there was no more room in the overhead bins. Or the part where the woman in the seat next to me had to go puke in the bathroom because the little propeller plane that goes between St. Cloud and Minneapolis was bouncing up and down the whole way down there.
But at least I got to see Rickles in the main room for free. Normally those tickets are expensive!