Tuesday, January 20, 2009

What does Emily think?

I honor of our nation's big day on Tuesday, I thought I'd channel an old friend of mine from the late 70s and find out what she had to say about this historic event.

My friends, I'm proud to have a celebrity guest join me today. Here with an editorial comment is Miss Emily Litella.

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What's all this talk about an eggnogural celebration?

First of all, eggnog is gross. It tastes like sweetened snot and makes me want to puke. I hardly think a cup of warm phlegm is worth all the fuss of throwing a huge party over.

Secondly, why screw up all that good rum and brandy by adding eggs and milk to it? If you really want something to party over, how about gathering a couple million people to share some Alabama Slammers! Nothing gets a party going like Sloe Gin and Southern Comfort!

Finally, isn't all this a little late? The only time people even hear about eggnog is during the Christmas season. This is like when people send out their Christmas letters in January and then call them "year end" or "new years" letters instead. If you're gonna celebrate eggnog it should be in December!

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I'm sorry folks. I'm afraid Miss Litella may have misunderstood. After receiving her submission for this post, I sent her a note that explained it is an Inaugural celebration, not eggnogural. She replied with just two words:

"Never mind."

24 comments:

Mom Thumb said...

Wow, I get to be the first, and my veri is redness. What would Emily say about that?

Babs (Beetle) said...

I agree - never mind :O)

Elizabeth said...

I remember Emily, that character was hilarious. But I think my favorite Radner character will always be Roseanne Roseannadanna. (She would say her cousin was
Carlos Santana Roseannadanna. I loved that!)

Maureen said...

Now there's a blast from the past! I miss Gilda...

Sandy said...

I don't care what she says. I love eggnog and cannot wait to celebrate tomorrow!

Thanks for the laugh!

Heather said...

Ugh. She is so right. Egg nog is gross.

Gette said...

That made me sad. I miss Gilda. And John. And Madeline Kahn. And Nipsy Russel. Who else funny is dead?

Michelle said...

Oh, how I miss her!

I do have to disagree about her issue with the New Years cards. Sometimes... that's all I can do ;) Like ummmm this year. They did go out on Jan 28 at least!

Jake Titus said...

Jeff,
I just shot eggnog out my nose.
Jake

unfinishedrambler said...

Alabama Slammers sound like a good idea to me as I'm going to an inauguration party tomorrow night. Thanks for the idea. ;)

Avitable said...

Hah, very nice. And evocative!

Roger said...

A blast from the past! I always enjoyed Gilda.

Have a great 'Eggnaugural Day' I mean it is all half-price now, so hurry up and get some before it's all gone! :)

cathouse teri said...

I have a friend who was "Emily" all the time. Quite entertaining. Because she was not joking!

My favorite time was when she was excitedly telling everyone about October 31st being the day that Martin Luther nailed the 95 theses to the door of The Church. But she thought the word was "feces." She was going on and on and on and on about the feces he nailed to the door when finally I said, "Emily! It's not feces, it's THESES!" She was so embarrassed. I said, "Didn't you wonder how he could nail feces to a door? And why he would count them?"

She said, "Well, I just thought it showed what he thought of the Catholic Church!"

Never mind. :)

Jeff said...

mom thumb - What's all this fuss about being frisked?

babs - Well said!

elizabeth - My daughter gets a lot of the Roseanne Roseanndanna comments... and she has no idea what they mean.

maureen - Yeah, me too. That's why I thought of this.

sandy - You're welcome. Enjoy your egg *urp* nog.

heather - Agreed.

gette - They all died too young.

michelle - You did better than me. I didn't send any ;-)

jake - Ouch! Yuk!

unfinished rambler - Let me know how they work out for you. Tomorrow.

avitable - Glad I could evoke you. I think.

roger - Good idea. Let's all run out and buy some expired egg nog. Yum!

teri - She sounds like my kind of friend... good for a few laughs. :-)

VE said...

She had some exellent points about egg nog though. Can't Obama find room for her in the white house writing speeches or something?

Anonymous said...

I have two questions for Mr Know It All. Where do we send them?

Jeff said...

VE - I think she would have been better suited as a Bush speech writer.

anon - You can just click on the Mr. Know-It-All link in the My Labels dropdown or leave it here. Mr. KIA would LOVE to hear from you!

Chris C said...

Just wanted to let you know this post was added to Angry Seafood's
Live Obama Inaugural Humor Blog Roundup

Gladys said...

OMG I so love Emily Latilla and even more I LOOK like her.

I'm still not sure what all this fuss on flogging is. I mean didn't that go out with the puritans? With putting people in stakes? Oh it's not flogging? Oh, My, well...Never Mind...bitch.

Anonymous said...

Mr Knlow It All: The world has 6.7billion people so cemetaries are spreading out. Does that mean that eventually farmers will have to plant people and crops together? My second question is: Should residents of rest homes be given the ashes of loved ones since I heard about one woman that tried to make instant tea with her former husband ashes?

Jeff said...

Chris C - I'm honored! Thanks for including me :-)

Gladys - Hey, thanks for stopping by! Love your comment. Maybe next time you can provide the editorial here.

Anon - Thanks for the questions. I'll let Mr. Know-It-All know. In the meantime, just remember one thing... soylent green IS people.

unfinishedrambler said...

Jeff: Just thought I'd check back in and let you know I went with just a margarita instead. Yes, just one. I'm a lightweight, what can I say? :) I wish they had had eggnog though. That would have been better, despite Miss Litella's views on the subject.

Jen - Queen of Poo said...

Aw, I love Emily Litella!

I don't think I'll be able to drink eggnog with quite the same enthusiasm anymore, though, now that it's been compared to warm snot. :-P

RaBT said...

I'm actually would be all for the eggnogural. It's funny I just tossed our last carton out today (that stuff lasts for months) but was taking up room in the fridge. I dig it during the holidays, but after that, eh... I hear you Emily, nice write... ;)