One of the joys of writing a humor blog is that sometimes you don't have to try to find something funny. Sometimes it finds you instead.
Such is the case for this wonder product.
A couple of my friends mentioned the Flowbee in the comments of my last post. I had completely forgotten about this marvel of modern cosmetology. But now thanks to them - I have something to make fun of!
The idea of a vacuum cleaner attachment that sucks the hair away from your head and then slices it off like a hedge trimmer is funny enough by itself.
But add to that their comical web site and you could spend minutes LOL-ing like a teenage girl.
For example... let's just take the home page where they proudly claim that their product
First of all... ewww. What are you expecting us to do, make yarn? And secondly... you might want to flip on the ol' spell checker thingy. I'm pretty sure there's only one "t" in cuts.
a hair styling tool or a garden tilling implement?
Then for hours of entertainment, scroll through the testimonials. Here's where you'll find dozens of grammatically-challenged folk expounding on the virtues of the magical bee. For example, let's see what Dave has to say about it, shall we?
(note... these passages are copied and pasted directly from the Flowbee web site and have not been edited by me)
My name is Dave. I have had my Flowbee since they first came out 9-10 years. People always ask me who cut my hair & when I tell them I use a Flowbee some don't even know what i am talking about. So I have educted a few of them a handed out a couple harriet carter catalogs for them to buy there own. I jus bought my second one just in case my first one breaks down. Though it has never happened yet.
I think maybe Dave should have educted himself a little longer before writing this letter.
Next we have Sue who claims:
My fear for years now has been that you'd quit making this product and I'd have to take the kids and my husband to a salon for haircuts!
Sue... get a grip! They don't actually do the whole blood-letting thing anymore.
Or how about Carol who says:
Worn out one, started using the one I got for my dogs and now, it's about ready for the bone yard. People got a kick (they still do) when I told them how I got my great haircut. I just smile and say "whatever, it works"."Whatever" is right. Whatever she just said that is. I just hope our good friend Carol doesn't share her tooth brush with her dogs too.
And finally Elaine, who laments:
But the very best part of this web site is the not-so-subtle feud that Flowbee inventor Rick Hunts (no, do NOT say his nickname and his last name together really fast) appears to have with a competitive product known as the Robocut. I kid you not you can click on this link and here is what you'll find.
Woah Mr. Hunts! "Flowbee is the best and robo is a piece of junk!" and "If some body knowingly lies to you once they can never be trusted." Really?
Easy now big fella... we don't want to say something we're gonna regret later.
But I am curious how Alfred responded to that... "Oh yeah? Well the one who says it IS it!"
And this isn't even the half of it. Go here to see the rest for yourself.
Apparently 6th-grade Dick had some dirty laundry to air and his web site was where he chose to call Albert on the floor. Good times. Waaaay more fun than I ever dreamed the Flowbee was going to be, that's for sure.
So thank you Flowbee, I enjoyed that. Like I said earlier...
...sometimes it finds you instead.