Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Definitely better than a Robocut

One of the joys of writing a humor blog is that sometimes you don't have to try to find something funny. Sometimes it finds you instead.

Such is the case for this wonder product.

A couple of my friends mentioned the Flowbee in the comments of my last post. I had completely forgotten about this marvel of modern cosmetology. But now thanks to them - I have something to make fun of!

The idea of a vacuum cleaner attachment that sucks the hair away from your head and then slices it off like a hedge trimmer is funny enough by itself.


But add to that their comical web site and you could spend minutes LOL-ing like a teenage girl.

For example... let's just take the home page where they proudly claim that their product

"Holds 10 plus haircutts"

First of all... ewww. What are you expecting us to do, make yarn? And secondly... you might want to flip on the ol' spell checker thingy. I'm pretty sure there's only one "t" in cuts.

a hair styling tool or a garden tilling implement?

Then for hours of entertainment, scroll through the testimonials. Here's where you'll find dozens of grammatically-challenged folk expounding on the virtues of the magical bee. For example, let's see what Dave has to say about it, shall we?

(note... these passages are copied and pasted directly from the Flowbee web site and have not been edited by me)

My name is Dave. I have had my Flowbee since they first came out 9-10 years. People always ask me who cut my hair & when I tell them I use a Flowbee some don't even know what i am talking about. So I have educted a few of them a handed out a couple harriet carter catalogs for them to buy there own. I jus bought my second one just in case my first one breaks down. Though it has never happened yet.

I think maybe Dave should have educted himself a little longer before writing this letter.

Next we have Sue who claims:

My fear for years now has been that you'd quit making this product and I'd have to take the kids and my husband to a salon for haircuts!

Sue... get a grip! They don't actually do the whole blood-letting thing anymore.

Or how about Carol who says:

Worn out one, started using the one I got for my dogs and now, it's about ready for the bone yard. People got a kick (they still do) when I told them how I got my great haircut. I just smile and say "whatever, it works".
"Whatever" is right. Whatever she just said that is. I just hope our good friend Carol doesn't share her tooth brush with her dogs too.

And finally Elaine, who laments:

I have curly hair and even hair stylists don't uncerstand it.
I think it's more likely they just don't uncerstand you.

But the very best part of this web site is the not-so-subtle feud that Flowbee inventor Rick Hunts (no, do NOT say his nickname and his last name together really fast) appears to have with a competitive product known as the Robocut. I kid you not you can click on this link and here is what you'll find.

_________________________________________________________

Flowbee vs. Robocut

Flowbee is the best and robo is a piece of junk!

This conclusion comes from reading written testimonials from flowbee owners after many years of satisfied flowbee use. They were sucked in by Robo's false claim of better than Flowbee.

This is where Alfred lies to you (robocut inventor) looking you straight in the face

Hi, I'm Alfred, inventor of the vacuum haircutter.

The vacuum haircutter was invented over one hundred years ago. Alfred must know this because he applied for a US patent and never received it . If some body knowingly lies to you once they can never be trusted.

_________________________________________________________

Woah Mr. Hunts! "Flowbee is the best and robo is a piece of junk!" and "If some body knowingly lies to you once they can never be trusted." Really?

Easy now big fella... we don't want to say something we're gonna regret later.

But I am curious how Alfred responded to that... "Oh yeah? Well the one who says it IS it!"

And this isn't even the half of it. Go here to see the rest for yourself.

Apparently 6th-grade Dick had some dirty laundry to air and his web site was where he chose to call Albert on the floor. Good times. Waaaay more fun than I ever dreamed the Flowbee was going to be, that's for sure.

So thank you Flowbee, I enjoyed that. Like I said earlier...

...sometimes it finds you instead.

30 comments:

Jaffer said...

I am so glad we did not get this idea when I was in college !

Seriously !

I got me a nice haircut from a real barber last week - and he was a real nice chap.

He talked too and laughed at my jokes.

Do the Flowbee and the Robocut do that ?

Prefers Her Fantasy Life said...

I wonder if they did any market research to come up with that "Caution! Under Construction" color.

carlae said...

Hey, what about the suck-cut from Wayne's World? It sucks, while it cuts, shhhaaawww!

VE said...

Oh, now that was just too funny! Where do you find this stuff? Flowbee and Robocut sounds like one of those spoof movies about superheroes or something...

Ed (zoesdad) said...

Mine'll hold 12-13 cutts eezy! It makes grate batten for chairs, an pillas, an quilts.

cathouse teri said...

Cute!

I can't seem to understand the stress that getting ones haircut seems to create. But then, I have hair that can be cut or not cut. It can be long or short. It is just easy, easy, easy. And I sure as hell don't PAY to get it cut! I cut it my damn self... or have some passerby do it. You just can't screw it up.

Thanks for the laugh. :)

Sornie said...

I'm blown away that this piece of crap still exists. Seeing the Flowbee just reminds me to work on my cable TV advertising project.

Mom Thumb said...

Flowbee and Robocut, BAH! You need a Wahl. http://www.wahl-store.com/product_list.asp?SKW=WAHTRIM&HDR=1 That's what hubby used to use. I thought he was nuts.

Beetle said...

Ha ha! When I first saw the Flowbee advertised (some years ago) I fancied to get one, but thankfully I didn't!

I have heard that they actually do give a good cut though. Don't think I'd like to risk it though :O)

Theresa B said...

Is it possible that there is an inverse correlation between ability to write a grammatically correct sentence and satisfaction with the Flowbee? I wonder if I could get a grant to study that...

As much as I laugh at it, I would use a Flowbee to get out of having some stranger mess with my hair for half an hour. Unfortunately, the last time I had my hair that short, people kept calling me "Sir", so I decided I either had to grow my hair out or start wearing make-up and dresses. (I have to say, though, that if I were a guy and had a butt this big, I would never leave the house...)

Jacki said...

Ummm....it is scary what some people "invent" these days.

However, I do think it could be used as a scare tactic for kids. You either do as I say, or I'm gonna get the flowbee out!

Avitable said...

I might have to buy a Flowbee and Robocut and have them fight to the death.

Jeff said...

jaffer - I agree. This tool in the hands of college kids could be very dangerous. Especially after a little too much partying!

prefers - Somehow I don't think their organization has a large marketing department. Just saying.

carlae - Thank you for that reference. Party on Carlae!

ve - Where do *I* find my stuff? I'm a mere amateur compared to you my friend.

ed - Sounds like you got a gooder won than most peeple.

teri - Oh please, let me have a shot at it. I guarantee I'll screw it up big time.

sornie - According to Wikipedia (the gospel of the internet) the Flowbee has been around since the late 80s. Damn, that guy has to be a thousandaire by now.

mom thumb - What do you think Lois used to give me those crew cuts all those years. I think she still has her Wahl as a matter of fact.

beetle - Yeah, but just think how much fun it would be to try. You could have Mo do it and then videotape it. Eh?

theresa - Maybe you could get money from the new stimulus package. I hear they're giving it away for everything! ;-)

jacki - I dunno. That might be considered cruel and unusual punishment in some states.

avitable - I'm calling my bookie right now.

rick said...

You don't need a machine. I found that if you just hang upside down, you can achieve the same effect. Then just hack away with the scissors. Twenty bucks saved, just like that!

Elizabeth said...

Now you got me thinking, I wonder if they still make Mr. Microphone?

Whit said...

I can't imagine what depths one must hit when using a flowbee sounds like a good idea.

I'd like to cut someone else's hair with it though.

cathouse teri said...

Dearest.. you are welcome to come screw up my hair anytime you like! But I ain't payin' for the plane ticket! ;)

Maureen said...

OMG, the Flowbee is still around??? Who the hell keeps this company in business? Oh, yeah. Idiots.

Michelle said...

Ok, I'm stuck. What's Rick's nickname? I can't figure out what to say fast or how. And I keep trying. *sigh*

So were they stupid before they used the Flowbee, or did the Flowbee suck out their brains?

Corrina said...

The day I cut my hair with a vacuum cleaner is the day I need to be locked up and fed sedatives.

Obviously, smart people avoid this practice.

Anonymous said...

Not to be used for male pubic hair trimming

Anonymous said...

I have to (anonymously) admit to buying one of these about 15 years ago after getting tired of paying $20-$30 for bad haircuts. Even the woman who used to cut my hair admitted that it did a better job than she did. I guess the "smart people" who avoid "this practice" can help make up for the $1500 that the hair cutting industry didn't get from me since then.

Anonymous said...

very well said my friend.....ZING!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

The funniest thing about all the hate the flowbee guy has for the robocut is that I remembered the old TV ads and decided to buy a flowbee. I didn't even know the robocut existed until I saw the ridiculous flowbee website. Once I knew about the robocut, I decided to check it out, and I liked the robocut more, so I bought that instead! Thanks robocut, for turning flowbee's hate against them, haha!

jack said...

It is hard to say which is better from my standpoint because I own two robocuts I ordered the second bc I thought they would go out of business and I wouldn't be able to get one again . To my surprise they both are still in business and I ordered Nother with the attached vacuum for ease of use. , haven't received it yet. But I can only say that the robo cut dies the job we and maybe flowbee is better I don't know but I have had my robo cuts since they started and have had no problems . I think whoever gives the best price is the one to order . Let's hope neither go out of business and we help them both grow . The idea works well. Good luck to all

Anonymous said...

MY BROTHER HAS USED HIS FLOWBEE FOR 40 YEARS AND LOVES IT AND HIS HAIR LOOKS GREAT! HMMMMMMM 40 YEARS TIMES BARBER/STYLIST SAVINGS $$$$$$$ Seems PRICELESS!!!!!!!!!!!

Scotty said...

My buddy is a millionaire and uses the flowbee. I am amazed how good his hair looks. He trims it every 2 weeks. He tried it on me and the cut turned out good but my hair is sooo thick it took quite awhile....

Lexie said...

I actually have owned both. I've owned a Flowbee since early 2006, and I got a Robocut last year. I wanted to compare the two, and one may conclude that I am biased after owning and getting used to a Flowbee for so long, but Robocut was extremely unimpressive from the first use.

I say this as someone who gave up expensive haircuts and wasted time waiting at salons for the same haircut at home in two minutes using the Flowbee. It looks quirky, but it's genius.

To all those who only just heard of it, I grew up in the 80s and I distinctly remember the first advertisements for it. I thought it was weird then too. My uncle bought one for us and we never used it. It was only when I was in my twenties and tired of paying too much for haircuts that I decided to give it a real chance. By then, I think we had thrown out the one he gave us, so I bought another. I haven't turned back since.

Flowbee never pulls my hair, but Robocut does. It doesn't even have a real blade, so if it's not consistently well-oiled, it will pull hair out. If you press even just a little while cutting with the Robocut, you could end up cutting several inches too short if you're not using a mirror or don't otherwise notice it. That can't even happen on a Flowbee because the spacers can never slide down. They can fall off when they become old and loose, I noticed the few times it did it and then I started using a little bit of tape to make it more sturdy. Worked like a charm. I still wouldn't give up my Flowbee over this issue. I just continue using tape or buy new spacers.

Those with really short hair--especially military guys--will find the Flowbee a better machine. I know Robocut's creator claims it's better because it can cut shorter, but because it pulls so much and it's a fairly wide tube, you can end up like my brother-in-law with several bald spots. With the Flowbee, there's a special spacer for short cuts which, yes, won't get hair as short as the Robocut--thank goodness!--but it will afford the most even cut.

Like I said, the Flowbee is genius. I cut everyone's hair with it and they may laugh about it, but they can never say they don't love the final result.

Anonymous said...

I'm a disabled Veteran who is bed ridden with pain. I can not sit up for very long without causing extreme trauma to my spinal cord. The ride to the barber and the sitting would kill me. So I was hoping this might worth trying even though it sounds ridiculous.However the stylist lifts your hair up in their fingers and cuts it off, and if they are not good at it you get an uneven cut. I can see where if this were a quality product it would have the possibility of giving a more even cut than most bad stylists I've been to. making fun of others ideas seems rather Juvenal and petty, and making fun of others disadvantaged lives because of their spelling skills makes you seem dumber than the poor person who probably grew up dyslexic like I did. picking on the disabled really makes you a wonderful person (in your own minds)! I am constantly amazed at how immature our society has become aided by the ability to hide behind social media. it's as if the whole world is filled with Junior high school mentalities. though every now and then I have met real people who are decent and actually care about the feelings of others. It is a shame that I have allowed you all to cause me to lower myself to your level, just to say what right do you have to be rude to others? So what if you think they are an idiot, by opening your mouth to say so others then see how much of an idiot you are.

Anonymous said...

I'm a guy who has used the Robocut for 10 years. It's awesome. The Flow-bee is probably similar.

Grow up and stop your knee-jerk reaction of calling these vacuum hair-cutters stupid. I can cut my hair in about 5 minutes. No appointments, no driving anywhere, no cost. After a few tries the vacuum haircuts are as good or better than the haircuts at the strip malls.

People used to laugh at the people who shaved themselves, too. Now, it seems silly to have the barber give you a shave.