Starving Teen (staring into the refrigerator as he hangs on the door with one arm):
We don't have any food.
Me: What are you talking about? We have bread, 3 kinds of deli sandwich meats, tuna, a crisper drawer full of vegetables, hamburger, chicken, cheddar cheese, noodles, sauces, 10 varieties of soup, and the ingredients to make a 14-topping salad.
ST: Yeah, but we don't have anything to eat.
Me: No, what you're saying is - we don't have corn dogs, macaroni and cheese, Twinkies, Pop Tarts, sugar cereal, Doritos, Hot Pockets, frozen pizza, pizza rolls, pizza burgers, pizza wheels, pizza bites, or pizza Pringles.
Me: I see. Well then, I recommend you contact Unicef. I'm sure they'll be very sympathetic to your plight.