Thursday, April 16, 2009

Uh... I can't find a good song on my radio?

So last week some dumb lady backs into our Ford Taurus in the parking lot and puts a big crease in the door. That's right, the door. On the side of the car.

Apparently she thought it would make more sense to drive past the parking spot, and then put the car in reverse and back into the spot. But instead of making a nice sharp 90 degree turn she decided to use more of a 45 degree angle instead. Bonehead.

Fast forward to yesterday while I'm sitting inside our fancy new Pontiac G6 rental vehicle the auto body shop gave us, waiting for my wife to come out of her office. As I'm listening to the radio I got bored and started fidgeting around with all the cool knobs and buttons on the dash. Our Taurus is pretty much no-frills so we don't have anything cool like this.

Then I saw some buttons on the mirror I didn't recognize. What on earth does a mirror need buttons for? Maybe they're cool lights or something! Hmm, I wonder what this one that looks like a plus sign does?

Suddenly the song on my radio fades out and is replaced by a pleasant computer-generated female voice.

"Connecting to OnStar emergency services."

What the?... HOLY CRAP, WHAT HAVE I DONE!!!
In a panic I tried to cancel my request by pushing the button again, but I think I just made it worse. Now they were going to think I was REALLY in trouble!

And then before I knew it I was connected.

"This is OnStar. What is your emergency please?"

What could I say, except that I accidentally pressed the OnStar emergency button while attempting to adjust my mirror. But I'm quite certain this is what the nice service rep at OnStar heard instead:

"Uh yeah... I'm like a total idiot and I really don't know that a "red cross" is the international symbol for emergency and so while I was screwing around like a 5th grader... no wait, 5th graders are smarter than me... screwing around like a 1st grader, I started randomly pushing buttons on my mirror? Huh, who knew it would call you! So anyway, I'm way too embarrassed to tell you the truth so I'll just use the old, "adjusting my mirror" excuse that everyone else defaults to as well. Oh, and sorry to have wasted your time."

Uh yeah...

Hey, can you believe how stupid that lady was for backing into our Taurus?

28 comments:

Shieldmaiden96 said...

Until I became an EMT and was repeatedly desensitized to trauma by sticking my head in many shattered car windows to sort out broken/occasionally just unlucky/but usually drunk people, I used to reflexively tear up when I'd hear those 'real life' Onstar recording commercials.

Now, not so much. I suspect that OnStar should have its own 'Not Always Right' blog for those accidental calls.

Bill said...

Just don't visit any nuclear power plant control rooms.

unfinishedrambler said...

It sounds like something I'd do -- if we had a cool car like that with all kinds of gadgets. The fanciest gadget in ours is probably the cigarette lighter and we don't even smoke.

Prefers Her Fantasy Life said...

Without OnStar bloppers like yours, think how grim the operator's job would be. I really think you made her day.

Jeff said...

shieldmaiden96 - I can't even imagine how many people screw around with OnStar just for the fun of it... or the drunk of it more likely.

bill - No need to worry about that. Besides, that's what Homer is for.

unfinishedrambler - Hey, my Taurus has a CD player, so I'm happy.

prefers - I expect a thank you card from them anytime now.

Junk Drawer Kathy said...

A friend was given a Prius as a loaner car this week. You don't turn a key. You press an ON button. When she got to her destination, she had to call the dealer and ask how to turn it OFF. She says "You just press the on/off button." I don't want a Prius now. It sounds like toaster. Way beyond me comprehension.

Yeah, what was with that lady?

The Acorn King said...

I would have done the same thing. I love hitting buttons, it's the only way to find out what they do! Hopefully I never get a car equipped with an ejection seat.

carlae said...

I didn't do it, I was safely in my own neighborhood, terrorizing my own neighbors. see here:
http://tinyurl.com/c692rl

Heather said...

Holy crap! You mean my 4-year-old son isn't going to outgrow that need to push all the little buttons in the car?

Drowsey Monkey said...

LOL! What Bill said.

Jeff said...

kathy - That's way too funny. Is there a pattern to the kind of people you hang around with?

acorn king - LOL. I hear ya.

carlae - Great post. A "flesh-colored" van huh? I don't think I've ever heard a vehicle described that way.

heather - Ok, that made my wife laugh (comparing me to a 4 y/o). Are you happy now.

drowsey - Please don't encourage him Drowsey. You'll be sorry.

yellojkt said...

That is a pretty ambiguous symbol. I might have pressed it myself.

Theresa B said...

Thanks for the warning -- I'll be sure never to get a car equipped with OnStar. I added one new piece of equipment to my car (a radar detector) and now I can't remember which button I'm supposed to use for the volume on the radio.

Perhaps I should stick to the horse and buggy...

Babs-beetle said...

I would hate to see Mo let loose in a car like that. She would have everything working at the same time. I've never seen anyone so adept at pressing buttons, especially those that are for emergencies only!

I've never heard of that kind of emergency button, but isn't the car mirror a strange place to put it?

cathouse teri said...

Good Lord. You'd think in a rental car they might like to make a little sticker pointing that out!

I'm so glad there are other people more stupider than us, though. ::)

VE said...

Remind me not to let you tour the nuclear missle silo...

Mom Thumb said...

I never push buttons, they terrify me. I couldn't figure out how to 'swap calls' on my new cell phone using the manual. Jess picked it up and pushed buttons for a few minutes and figured out how to do that, take pictures and put pictures of people on my call list so when they call the picture of them pops up and I know who's calling. Geez.

Jeff said...

yellojkt - Thanks for the show of support. I say let's blame OnStar!

theresa b - My son has a radar detector but it beeps for everything, so now I always have to drive around going 25 mph in his car.

babs - That's what I thought. Who would think to look on a mirror after an accident?

teri - That's a good point. Like a little sticker that says "OnStar emergency" would kill them.

ve - You have access to one of those? You are a man of mystery my friend.

mom thumb - Ain't that the truth. If they could put a rotary dial on my cell phone I'd probably take it.

Roger said...

You're that guy that pushes every button in an elevator, and then gets of at the second floor, aren't you? :)

Jeff said...

roger - No, I like to ride the whole trip and listen to everyone complain. How else are you supposed to know how well your evil plan is working?

Maureen said...

OMG Jeff... I guess we've IRL too many times; you have caught my "idiot virus"!! Sorry about that.

When we were there a few weeks back in the 2009 Trailblazer rental, I nearly pushed those buttons too! My daughter had to stop me from doing EXACTLY what you did!

See, you needed a teenager around to supervise the "pushing of random buttons".

Maureen said...

Er, I MEANT to type, "I guess we've MET IRL too many times"... geesh.

I forgot to add, I couldn't get my seat adjusted correctly either, until daughter showed me how to do THAT too (damn power seat control thingys....)

mom said...

I'd like to ask you---if a man had backed into your car, would he have been "some dumb man"?

Jeff said...

maureen - See, that's why they make it such a hassle to cross the border. You probably brought down some rare Canadian virus we're not immune to down here. Just think of the damage you probably caused at the MOA!

mom - Don't worry... I'm an equal opportunity hater. Woman, man, chimp, it wouldn't have mattered. It was a dumb thing to do.

Mrs. R said...

Sorry to hear about your car. Although don't beat yourself up too much about the Onstar thing...hitting a mysterious, unfortunately placed small button isn't as bad as driving into a huge car that you can see from 1,000 feet away...

Windyridge said...

Watch out....you may be on the next spoof commercial...you know like the one where the women locks herself IN the car.

Michelle said...

Stupid = other people saw it or its effect

Oops = what you do when no one else knows about it

It works for me anyway ;)

bon bon said...

i think your lie was a legitimate one. someone could easily hit that button adjusting the mirror. unfortunately, the car also comes with an interior camera so you've been busted, pal.

just kidding. scared you for a second though, didn't i?