Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Mr. Know-It-All

Here we go again folks!

On our last round, Mr. KIA had so many questions I had to split them into 2 parts... but I'm happy to announce I have finally finished Part II!

Let's get right to it, shall we?

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Dear Mr. Know-It-All,
Why do my balls smell?

- Father Muskrat

Dear Father Muskrat,
You make it sound like odor-emitting balls are a bad thing. This could not be further from the truth. In fact, smelly balls are popular with consumers everywhere. Why, just take a look at some of these other excellent examples of smelly balls (click images for more information):

Dryer Balls
- Yes, this pair of bumpy blue balls can be found hanging out where it gets hot.

aRoma Ball - According to their web site...
With each squeeze, this pure aromatherapy ball will relieve your stress and lift your spirits.
Really? I'm thinking Mr. Whipple said it best... Please don't squeeze the balls.

Bag Balls - Nothing says "I NEED BALLS" like a stinky hockey bag. Apparently these come in 4 scents...Burst, Cher-Ber, Ocean, and Blast. Anyone care to take a stab at what the hell those flavors are?

Scent Innovations Scent Ball - Again, directly from their web site...
Upon impact it dispenses the scent on the ground allowing you to enter a remote location without actually walking to the area giving you an advantage over your prey.
Yeah, but seriously... wouldn't that make a mess on the dance floor?

Aroma Land Scent Ball
- Along the lines of the Glade Puke-ins, you plug these babies into your electric outlet so they can emit air-freshening ball scent. Oh, how have I ever managed without these.

So Father Muskrat, you can see smelly balls are actually very popular. Now, I suggest if you have a pair of your own you should quit complaining and get out there and market those suckers!

Dear Mr. Know-It-All,
Is the answer really blowing in the wind? And if it is, what does that say about your knowing it?
Why is love a battlefield? And why are there so many casualties?
- Cathouse Teri

Dear Cathouse Teri,
My my aren't we the curious cat? Unfortunately for you, I got hung up on the Blowin' In The Wind lyric, "Yes, and how many ears must one man have, before he can hear people cry?" and became so intriged by this idea I wasn't able to answer the rest of your questions. You can see why.

Dear Mr. Know-It-All,
How do I get my sister to stop taking my clothes?!

- Sarah

Dear Sarah,
This is a fairly easy question to answer... depending on how extreme you're willing to get. For instance, here are a few things you can do to prevent the unwanted borrowing of your clothes:
- don't wear any
- cover them in wood ticks
- poop in them
- gain 200 pounds
- lose 200 pounds
- cut them up into tiny pieces
- wear stuff like this

Dear Mr. Know-It-All,
If you had Boardwalk and I had Park Place, who would get the bigger share?
- Roger

Dear Roger,
You would...because I can't stand Monopoly. Therefore, I would most likely get so bored and/or frustrated from being in last place that I would eventually flip the gameboard upside down sending all the money, irons and race car pieces flying everywhere while screaming "Monopoly sucks!" and storming out of the room.

Not that that ever happened of course.

Dear Mr. Know-It-All,
How can I get a cheap ticket to Australia so I can get me some over the counter codeine?
- Elizabeth

Dear Elizabeth,
Not a problem. Here ya go...

Dear Mr. Know-It-All,
When will my kids get better taste in movies?
- April

Dear April,
When you stop taking them to anything with Nicolas Cage, Keanu Reeves or Kevin Costner in it.

* * * * *

Well everyone, that concludes our latest batch of questions for Mr. Know-It-All. If you'd like to have your questions answered here you need to leave a question in the comments.

Until then, see you next time!


Bill said...

Do you know the origin of "Cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey? Hint, think cannon balls.

Mom Thumb said...

The answer IS blowing in the wind, but every time you think you see it and run after it, just as you're about to stamp your foot on it, a gust comes up and blows it farther away. Resign yourself to going through life not knowing what the hell the answer is.

Sornie said...

We have different ways of playing Monopoly. You get bored, then angry and I embezzle from the bank.

Heather said...

Wow that one photo is eerie(did I spell that right? ;))

Dear Mr KIA,
Why does the Baby poop just before we need to leave to go somewhere?

Similarly, why does my son have to pee every 10 minutes even when I tell him to pee before we leave to go somewhere? (ideally, he's peeing while the baby is pooping and I'm changing her)

Times are fun at our house.

Meg said...

Am I the only one who actually like the clothes those models are wearing?

rick said...

Kevin Costner? All right, "The Postman" and "Tin Cup" both kind of sucked, bur "Dances With Wolves" won him an Oscar, and made me cry a little bit. But I agree Nick Cage blows.

Michelle said...

And don't forget the stupid ionizer that smells horrible, too. I really need to just make up a product. Apparently that's all I need to do to become a millionaire.

And ummm, are you only anti-Monopoly, or are you anti all board games?

Jeff and Charli Lee said...

bill - Yeah, they got so cold they shrunk. Same principal really.

mom thumb - I'd ask Bob Dylan but I can't understand a word he says.

sornie - So you're responsible for the collapse of the financial system!

heather - Good questions, thanks. And if I don't get more you're gonna get your own post!

prefers - For some reason that doesn't surprise me. But in a totally good way.

rick - Costner was great in Wolves, but he seems to have a limited range of chops. All his characters kind of have the same look and feel to me. Ya I know... I should dream of having his limits.

michelle - Hmmm, never was a huge fan of board games now that you mention it. But I REALLY hated Monopoly.

Anonymous said...

Monopoly? Have you ever tired Triopoly? It's triple the boredom.

Ed said...

Ha, excellent answers. But "bumpy blue balls"? Boy is Google search going to have fun with you!

JD at I Do Things said...

Wow. Who knew there were so many smelly balls in the world? I wonder if Father Muskrat's are "Cher-Ber" scented?