Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Hoping to get wired

First of all, I just wanted to say THANK YOU for all your kind words, wishes and prayers regarding that thing I can't talk about. That really means a lot to me and I know for a fact it helps.

Actually, I really would like to talk about it, but I'm terrified it would jinx me and screw everything up.

But suppose I didn't use actual words to describe what I did, but instead made up words that kind of rhymed with them? Would that be violating my karmic code?

I think not.

So, here's what I did on Monday...

I first met with the director of cumin tree horses and she asked me a bazillion questions relating to my blob wallifications. I had to answer such questions as, "How do you handle messfull situations?" and "Why do you want to smirk here?"

Then I was taken to another building where I met with the VP of High Tea and one of his logic fanagers. We spent over an hour discussing logic fanagement and how my 10 years as a logic fanager make me such a perfect pandidate for this blob.

I then gave them glowing sweaters of specklemendation from previous snow-lurkers and thanked them for their time.

come on, who would not want to wire this guy?

All in all it felt like my splinterviews went very well and I stand a very good chance of sanding this yosition. However, I was just 1 of 8 pandidates and they're not going to announce which 3 will be returning for a 2nd round of splinterviews until the end of next week - so I'll definitely need MORE of your good wishes and prayers to get me through that.

Funny, it's been 13 years since I've had to do this, and all I can think of is that it feels like I'm on some reality TV show contest and I'm trying not to get voted off. But hopefully in mid August, when they finally make their wiring incision, Donald Trump will come through the door, point his finger at me and yell... "YOU'RE WIRED!"

30 comments:

VE said...

Hope you asked for lots of staycation time. Hope it pays lots of collars too...

PatKG said...

I think "smirk" was a good word choice! see: your dapper picture

Got your message on my cell. I'll drop it off today or tomorrow.

Jeff said...

ve - I doubt the staycation time would seem impressive to you. If I remember correctly, you only work 1 day a year, is that correct?

pat - No need to drop it off. I'm just looking for a phone number. Just give us a call when you have a minute. Thanks!

Bee Repartee said...

Good luck! I hope all goes well with this bjay Viewinteryay selection....that thing we aren't talking about. ;)

Bee Repartee said...

I meant objay. I seriously need to brush up on my piglatin.

Jeff said...

bee - Funny... really not the same thing at all, is it?

mom said...

I'm a-praying!!!

Anonymous said...

I just pray he doesn't see your horrible claw hand hanging down against your white jeans, while your big hair blows in the wind! (I cant say anything about the shirt, because Don wants one!!)
sis!

Susan said...

Did you remember to send a nice hank few note after the interview? Such a little thing, but it can make a big difference...

Leeuna said...

I swish you the jest of buck with the blob. I will be saying spares and bending you swell splishes every day. ;)

Jeff said...

mom - No you're not... you're typing a comment. Now get back down on those knees!

sis - He didn't see my hand because I wore a white glove on it. That's normal, right?

susan - I did! And a personal check for $500 "for no particular reason." I'm pretty sure he'll be asking me back anytime now.

leeuna - Spank pew!

absepa said...

Ha! "Blob wallifications" made me LOL. I wish the best of muck for the pew blob, and I will keep praying.

Sue said...

Oodga Uckla!
I've always wanted to communicate in secret code! Boy is this great.

Mooselet said...

Best of duck! I hope you get the gob. :-)

Heather said...

So I read the first part as "blog qualifications" and I wondered what you were doing that you needed blog qualifications. DUR!

Bill said...

Just tell them Your mom's prayers always get answered, and they better not anger the lord.

but Momma said...

My lingers are flossed and flares have been read. And I will be saying spank you from now on instead of thank you.
Spank you for that! :)

Windyridge said...

Lood Guck!!!!!!!!!!!!!
antasticfe!

Chris C said...

I read this a bunch of hours ago and I still haven't figured what "cumin tree horses" means.

carlae said...

Dude, You are so totally wired, you even have a magazine!

Gette said...

Wire this guy!

Jeff said...

absepa - Thank you... I need all the muck I can get!

sue - I'll send you my secret decoder ring and we can talk to each other all the time in secret code. Fun!

mooselet - That will indeed make me a lucky duck.

heather - Maybe they DO need someone with blog qualifications. If so, I'm their man!

bill - I know... she carries a lot of clout.

but momma - You're welcome. And spank you for flossing your lingers. I appreciate that.

windyridge - Thanks. Your pig latin is antasticfe. I'm a little better at cow latin myself.

chris c - Hmmm... let's say cumin rhymes with human, and tree horses rhymes with resources... just as an example. I'm not saying that's what it is.

carlae - Funny, my wife said the exact same thing, except she said weird instead of wired.

gette - That's right! Hook me up and get this thing started.

Roger said...

Hope you are wired with extra ballers and trenifits. And do you really want Trump to say that ou are Wired? I thought Trump's Wired was different that the Wired that you are trying to achieve.

Just saying...

Janna said...

It's always hard to find a good outfit that goes with sweaters of specklemendation, but I'm sure you did a great job.

Er, I mean, a great blob.

Drat, now I've ruined everything.

Babs-beetle said...

Hofideel koodurfy andeer panghodelf nadsow! Oh sorry, wrong code.

I splay you pet the blob!

yellojkt said...

I soap you get the cob.

Drowsey Monkey said...

Good Wuck!

Kathy said...

I'm a little late to the party. Been away for a week. This was a brilliant post. That alone qualifies you for the blob.

JD at I Do Things said...

Oh, my god, this was hilarious. Maybe it's the Vicodin, but I'm not getting the name of the company or "logic"??

I plan to use the phrase "blob wallifications" in my next job interview. I think it would set me apart from the other applicants.

Jeff said...

roger - Yeah, but at the END of the season he uses the other word that rhymes with wired. The good one!

janna - Especially glowing sweaters of specklemendation! They're almost impossible to match.

babs - I decoded your secret message... and THANK YOU! :-)

yellowjkt - Sew dew eye.

drowsey - Thanks... I weally appweciate it.

kathy - If only I could show them my brilliance. But then again, I don't think pointing them to this blog would be a good idea. I'm pretty sure they're looking for someone normal.

jd - Ok, so maybe "logic" doesn't exactly rhyme with "project", but if it did...

I'm not saying... I'm just saying.