Saturday, August 08, 2009

To Whom It May Concern

Dear Potential Employer:

If you are reading this, you are most likely in the background-check phase of my pending employment. This is a very good sign in that you probably wouldn't be checking my background unless you were interested in hiring me.

It is also good that you've found this blog because it allows me to defend myself against certain items that may have been discovered as a result of your Google search on my name. 

Even though these articles appear to be incriminating at first glance, they indeed do not tell the whole story. Therefore, I would like to take this opportunity to dispel any confusion regarding my past by addressing these issues head on.

Here are some of the stories you may be wondering about:

 Jeff Lee, 35, Stoney Fork Road, Corbin - First-degree trafficking in a controlled substance and harboring a vicious animal

It wasn't my stuff man. Some guy just asked me to hold his backpack, I had no idea what was in it. I was framed. There was an earthquake. A terrible flood. Locusts!

Oh, and I'm sorry... but a Pit Bull/Rottweiler mix is not a vicious animal.


Jeff Lee says he deserved to be jailed for the offense he committed 
"He said he got drunk at a nightspot in Bukit Bintang and staggered to an empty house in Jalan Alor with his four friends to sleep it off. He was involved in (a) car theft."

All right let's be honest... who hasn't gotten drunk in Bintang and stolen a car. What's the big deal. I was young and Asian and experimenting.  It happens to everybody.


Jeff Lee cited with four counts of animal cruelty
“Everybody’s blown this out of proportion,” Lee said. “I work seven days a week. I overslept Friday and the next thing I know the sheriff’s knocking on my door. I just hadn’t cleaned up that day.”

I don't actually have anything to add to that. That quote explains it perfectly.


Two Winona Men Charged In OD Death
"Jeffrey Lee Frey, also 47, is charged with third-degree murder, aiding and abetting third-degree murder, second-degree manslaughter and aiding and abetting second-degree manslaughter."

This one wasn't me, but I just wanted to make sure you didn't accidentally read it too fast and not notice he had three parts to his name - like all killers do. See that? "Jeffrey Lee Frey" It's not me. Never murdered, manslaughtered or abetted anyone.


I hope these clarifications remove any doubt of whether or not I would make a good candidate for employment with your company. I can assure you that if I am hired, I will not cause any embarrassment to your fine name. Nor will I ever bring my Pit-Weiler "Fang" on site.

Best Regards,

Jeffrey (not Frey) Lee

17 comments:

People in the Sun said...

If anything, this will improve your chances. Because we can all relate. And the fact that you say you deserve to be jailed for the crime of being Asian--well, that's commendable.

Ed said...

I feel certain this can do nothing but help. Nice move.

Bill said...

That is funny and I sure hope no one believes you. I do remember the time you were working so many hours on two jobs, started to doze, and hit a mail box. You cannot fault anyone willing to work that many hours.

JD at I Do Things said...

Hey, I never knew your last name was Frey! ;-D

Babs-beetle said...

Am I sure I still want to be associated with such a villain? I have no problem with the aiding and abetting but animal cruelty????

Jeff said...

people in the sun - Really, who hasn't experimented with "Asianism" as a teen?

ed - It's gotta help. I believe in preemptive damage control.

bill - What the? How did you manage to squeeze that reference in here? You truly are the master Bill.

jd - NO! You've got it all wrong. I'm not the Frey! I'm not the Frey!

babs - Come on, you saw my reason. I overslept!

VE said...

The things we have to do. Englebert Humperdink had to do the same thing...

Maureen said...

Well, if it DOES affect your job chances, you just might need to change the old name... sounds like anyone named Jeff Lee is up to no good....

er, at least MOST Jeff Lee's that is.

yellojkt said...

Let's just hope they don't read the rest of the blog.

Janna said...

I'm going to be 40 in January and I still haven't had a chance to be "young and Asian and experimenting."

Please tell me it's not too late.

Michelle said...

Well I was going to say something witty about experimenting with being young and Asian, but I see I've long since been beaten to the punch on that one :)

I suppose this is one of the benefits of having a common name -- those searching never really know if it's *YOU* or just your name doppelganger.

Jeff said...

ve - At least he didn't have Google in those days... you know, with a last name like that!

maureen - True story... several years ago a Jeff Lee of my same age was being arrested at a local hotel when he pulled out a knife and flashed it at the cops. Then, in an attempt to escape, he jumped off the balcony to the floor below - but broke his leg instead. It was in all the papers that weekend. The next Monday everyone at my job was relieved to see me walk in without a broken leg. Apparently I'm one of the few intelligent Jeff Lees left around here.

yellojkt - At least they'd know who they're getting. No doubt about that!

janna - Well, you do have be careful what you try. Unfortunately, after experimenting with being Asian, I ended up with Lee-sians.

michelle - Good point. I'm going to blame anything bad they find out about me on the other Jeff Lees.

Roger said...

"I was young and Asian and experimenting."

BWAHAHAHAHA!

Glad to hear that you haven't abetted anything, as of late.

Jacki said...

Hahahha....oh this has me wondering what will happen if I Google my name.

Let us know what happens!!!

Janna said...

"Lee-sians"...

Accghhh!!
That sound you just heard was me groaning out loud, all the way over here in Michigan.
LOL!

Grant Miller said...

Very entertaining. I liked this.

And no, I'm not trying to sound like a spam comment.

Job Opening said...

Funny post- a hilarious attempt to explain one's situation to a potential applicant