Friday, November 20, 2009

... which will be good experience if I ever want to become an undertaker

It was subtle, almost imperceptible - yet I knew something was there. Almost like the way the light from a faint star disappears when you look directly at it, yet you can see it in your peripheral vision when you look away.

But every time I opened up the kitchen pantry door, there it was... a slight whiff of something. Eh... must be some odd mix of spices and dry goods I told myself.

But then this morning I decided to investigate further.  I started at the top. Sniff, sniff. Nothing there. Then the 2nd, 3rd and 4th shelves. Nothing again. Finally I knelt down, twisted my neck to the right and looked waaay in the back at the bottom, behind the cookie sheets and cake pans.  

Huh... what is that?

I reached back deep into the cupboard and grabbed a plastic bag, heavy with potatoes. I wonder if there's anything wrong with these?

I removed the plastic clip, opened up the bag, sank my face into the ancient spuds and inhaled... but only until I started gagging, and coughing, and dry heaving, and running out the back door so I didn't purge on the kitchen floor.

So yeah, you might say I found the offensive smell. You might also say I learned what a rotting corpse smells like.

12 comments:

Heather said...

Mmmm. Potatoes.

Janna said...

Rotting carcass?
So were the potatoes rotten, or did a mouse crawl into the potato bag and die there?

I was gonna go get some french fries from the drive-thru, but maybe I'll just stay home now. :o

BTW, were you the only one in the house who noticed a weird smell that needed investigating? (or just the only one brave enough to actually check it out?)

I'm full of questions tonight.
Maybe it's because I have to pee.
There must be some correlation.

Dan said...

usually any weird smells in our house are generally coming from me.

Jaffer said...

~ (Fart !) ~

Oh whaddya know, your captcha says "antivent"

~ (Fart !) ~ (Fart !) ~ (Fart !) ~

Jeff said...

heather - Mmmm. Barf.

janna - I'm not sure if anyone else noticed it. And no, I know what a dead mouse smells like. This was like 1000 dead mouses... er... mice. I'm still working on your correlation theory.

dan - Thanks for sharing. You're such a giving person.

jaffer - Thanks for stinking up the comments! ;-)

Mom Thumb said...

When Jess was here last weekend she asked if I had any creamer for her coffee. I reached into the depths of the fridge and found some. She said Mom, this is eggnog creamer from LAST Christmas. I said it's non-dairy and smells okay, should be fine. So she used it and didn't die. I did pour out the chunks of half and half that I found while searching for the creamer, also from last Christmas. What is WRONG with me?

VE said...

You had corpse and potatoes the other night too? Yes..they're only good for a couple of nights of leftovers. I think one of my shots from this week's Theme Thursday post would compliment this post nicely...

Bill said...

One rotten potato could never compare with my attending an open house at the Lake Superior Sanitary District building. Inside a convergence of all district sewage is seperated and processed in two giant cisterns. I did not stick around to learn how such effuvium could become fit to re-enter our water supply intake about ten miles away. I also wondered if they bother to have a lunch room there!

Roger said...

Wow! You actually took a big ol' whiff of those bad boys? You are like, Captain Courageous or something, aren't you.

Or just plain silly!

Colopure said...

Becoming undertaker is not a good option.
Colopure

http://www.goarticles.com/cgi-bin/showa.cgi?C=2163865

Maureen said...

Never. Stick. Your. Head. Into. Plastic. Bags.

Men. Geez.

Lisa @ Boondock Ramblings said...

Ah, yes. I know this smell well. This is why we never buy potatoes anymore. Just pour them out of the box and add water.