Sunday, December 20, 2009

10 Most Overlooked Benefits of Winter

1. A legitimate excuse to dress like this

2. Much like a snowflake, the beautiful patterns my knuckles make when they crack. No two are alike!

3. The blankets stay on the bed

4. Sliding through an intersection saves time

5. When it's 20 below, being able to actually see your breath is comforting proof you're still alive

6. Unlike summer when they're mowing their lawns, fat guys don't shovel their driveways with their shirts off

7. Keeping food on the patio instead of using a freezer saves money

8. You can get a gardner really cheap

9. Shivering violently burns calories

10. The bathroom door doesn't stick!

33 comments:

Anonymous said...

You do not havea to cut the lawn, no gardening, and the Lord will get the snow if you wait.

Junk Drawer Kathy said...

Oh, man. Hate cracked skin in winter. Also, my lips are peeling off. And this morning I shoveled six inches of snow makeup-less in pants with holes in them, grass-stained sneakers I mow the lawn in, mismatched torn gloves and a baseball cap. I'm a vision of loveliness. Ain't winter grand?

Susan said...

I love #5.

Jeff said...

anon - And the city will charge me $150 to shovel my sidewalk if I wait too. ;b

kathy - Please tell me you had Dave take a picture of you in all your grandeur. After all, as a professional blogger, this IS your responsibility!

susan - Thanks, I do too. But sadly it's all too true.

Babs-beetle said...

Am I glad we don't get it that cold. Mind you it was 13 below not far from us yesterday, and we are now deep in snow! I'll have to look out my winter clothing. I know I've got some somewhere ;)

Dan said...

en we have snow this year - a nearly unknown event in the uk this early

Jeff said...

babs - That's cute. Please define "deep." And please don't use those silly metric measurements either.

dan - Wow, ever since that Copenhagen Climate Summit the planet is all cooled down. Those guys are good!

cindy (sis) said...

I finally signed up for the google account, so I could use my name! Didn't want to rush into it! Anyway, your outfit makes all of your warm climate friends shake thier heads, I'm sure! You look like something out of a bad movie!
It's amazing how you can look so cool and hip, onstage, and so "Fargo" here! (Referring to the movie--no offence to the Fargo people!) You truly are a man for all seasons!

Elizabeth said...

You're not a dog owner or you could have added to the list that it's easier to pick up the yard when everything is frozen.

Michelle said...

I'm with ya on most of them, but ummm there's NEVER a legitimate excuse to dress like that ;)

Soooo with ya on 2, 4, *6*, 7, 9 and 10 though....

Jeff said...

cindy - You silly sis... you never did need a Google ID to enter your name, you just needed to use the Name/URL button. But hey, now that you've got one, I'll show you how to set up a Blogger blog and you can blog too! Yay! BTW... you don't have to worry about offending Fargoniens, they don't have the internets up nort there doncha know.

elizabeth - I actually considered that one, but knew I'd get called out if I used a frozen dog duty reference for not actually owning a dog. Just shows that we're on the same page. ;-)

michelle - My daughter was so horrified that I was going to wear that hat when I was out with her the other day that she went to the store and bought me a Nike beanie with her own money before we went. True story.

PatKG said...

For the cracked and bleeding knuckles thing-- superglue. Really! What is the ONLY thing that superglue is good at sticking together? Skin. Put a TINY drop in the crack, push the sides together. Wait until it dries, couple of minutes. It will be healed up in a couple days. You can also get a fancy "liquid bandage" kit, but a tube of superglue is way cheaper and works just as well.

cindy (sis) said...

o.k. how about a pic of you in the beanie Roseanna bought you PLEASE!!
Redeem yourself little brother! When your kids start trying to make you cool, you know it's time to take a second look! (I know..you're so cool that you don't have to care! Now THAT'S cool!)

Jeff said...

patkg - Oh, good idea... me trying to put Super Glue on my knuckles. I already am unable to use it without gluing my fingers to whatever it is I'm working with. How about I just save a step and glue the bottle right to my fingers. ;b

cindy - I ain't afraid a no beanie. Watch for a picture soon.

Mom Thumb said...

I really miss thawing my turkey in the garage. A 21 pound bird takes up a lot of room in the fridge for five days.

And number six is definitely a plus!

Shieldmaiden96 said...

As a woman I'd have to add the 'leg shaving optional' benefit.

Durblady said...

Hey, my bathroom door doesn't latch in the winter! The dog can just walk right in whenever he wants. It does make for some good humor in the spring when he tries to do the same thing (usually at a trot) and gets denied entry! Maybe that's why his nose is sort of squished into his face!

Bill said...

Our bank is giving out "I will work for food" signs, as a peace offering. You already have the clothes necessary, if things get worse.

Roger said...

I see nothing wrong with your outerwear, as I am sure it is better than seeing you topless (of course, there are those rumours making the rounds, so I might be wrong).

Nike beanie's have nothing on that hat, just saying.

My dumbass neighbor still tries to come out shirtless in this weather, um, it is not a pretty sight.

Doesn't feel good seeing that the northeast got the snow whereas we didn't. ;) God might have Congress in his sights.

Jeff said...

mom thumb - Lately around here you wouldn't be able to thaw a turkey in your garage unless it was heated. No, I take that back, you could do it, but it wouldn't be ready until April.

shieldmaiden96 - So you're saying my wife isn't wearing fur-covered pajama bottoms?

durblady - Oh boy, you bring up a funny incident (that you'll regret in about 5 seconds). One time I was using a friend's bathroom and her dog came bursting through the unlatched door right in mid-stream and started jumping on me. Imagine a guy trying to do his business while fending off a giant chocolate lab with his spare hand. No, it wasn't pretty.... and no, there are no limits to my TMI here.

bill - Your bank's generosity knows no bounds. Those signs are actually pretty tasty if you season them properly.

roger - Those rumors aren't entirely false. I wasn't "topless" but I was wearing a tight tee-shirt and was VERY cold.

April said...

I love love love #6.
Merry Xmas and Happy New Year to you and yours, Jeff.

JD at I Do Things said...

So has it been scientifically proven that shivering violently really burns calories? Or is this just another of your "Jeff-isms"? Because if it's true, I'll go outside right now and start shivering. Something's got to burn off those cookies, and it's NOT gonna be me.

Janna said...

Thoughts:

1. It cracks me up that the title of the picture is "geek.jpg".

2. Michigan has gotten a little snow and ice so far this year, but nowhere NEAR the amount we usually get. This scares me because it means the worst is yet to come.

3. That giggle you just heard was me, being glad I'm not up in Minnesota.

4. Since I'm single and live alone (with two cats), I never bother to close the bathroom door. So I have no idea if it sticks or not! Of course, this means every time I go in to "take care of business", at least one cat will make a point of coming in to watch and share the moment.

5. If shivering burns that many calories, I'm going to go eat a large pizza and spend the night naked on the porch.

Maureen said...

Ha! Yes, I do love this weed-free season...

Happy Holidays to you and yours Jeff!!!!!!

jerrychicken said...

11. Dog poop in the garden disappears as if by magic when there is but a few inches of snow on the ground.

I'm sorry, someone had to bring the tone down a tad.

Happy Christmas to you and yours !

Jeff said...

april - Thank you! Merry Christmas to you and your girls as well. :-)

jd - Actually, it's well documented on the intertubes. And, if you just eat the cookies outside, it will be net zero calories.

janna - 1. That's me. What else could I name it?
2. Speaking of which... here it comes!
3. We're being clobbered by 2 feet of snow right now so laugh it up.
4. Hmmm, there may be something to that "curiosity killed the cat" thing. Or at least choked the cat.
5. That should make for an interesting delivery!

maureen - Hey, take the benefits as you get 'em. Merry Christmas to you too!

jerrychicken - There's a reason they call it a blanket of snow. Happy Christmas to you too. You're lucky... you get to celebrate it 6 hours earlier than we do.

but Momma said...

I'm actually looking for a hat JUST like that one so I can embarass Tyler when we chaperone the band trip to Colorado!
My overlooked benefit is that it's the only time of the year that I look forward to the carpool lane because I can crank the heat and get warm!

Merry Christmas Jeff and Charlie & Co.! And a Happy New Year!

Heather said...

#6 Amen and hallelujah! Also not subjected to fat women mowing in bikinis. (I'm courteous and don't mow at all but if I did I would wear real clothes to do it.)

#4 Hadn't thought of it quite that way. You do have a point, unless other cars have the same theory.

#7 We use the walk out cooler method often at my Aunt and Uncle's house.

yellojkt said...

My front yard looks like yours, which is abnormal for Maryland, but at least we are still measuring temperatures without a minus sign.

Merry Christmas!

Ed said...

So did you do the thing where you throw a cup of warm water in the air and watch it freeze before it falls to the ground?

That and ready-made porch freezer are the only two real benefits I can see to a cold winter north of the Mason-Dixon.

Anonymous said...

I don't have to take bath daily. This is the most important advantage of winter to me.
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Anonymous said...

These excuses are really funny and interesting. I liked them.

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