Thursday, January 14, 2010

MN discriminates against vampires

As most of you already know by now, I was laid off from my company on Jan 4th after 13 years of loyal service.

And, as you know as well... this wasn't a surprise to me at all. The writing on the wall had been written with one of those huge fat Sharpie pens like grocery stores use to make advertising boards. It was only a matter of time.

But as soon as I became unemployed, I needed to take care of business. And one of the first things I did was apply for unemployment benefits with the state of Minnesota. No, scratch that... one of the first things I did was attempt to apply for unemployment benefits with the state - but I couldn't, because the state's web site had gone to bed for the night. No, really. I even took a picture of it.


"Well then," I thought. "This is odd."

For the life of me I cannot figure out why a web site would ever need to be shut down during non-business hours, ESPECIALLY one as critically important as an unemployment benefits application. And because the state doesn't provide any logical reasons why a person isn't allowed to access their web site at any other time than these hours, I guess I'll have to do it for them.

Here then are 5 possible reasons the Minnesota Unemployment web site is only available during daylight business hours:

1. The web server is solar powered

2. The state wants to discourage vampires from applying

3. It cuts down on the number of people applying for benefits because those of us out looking for jobs are too busy to use their web site during business hours (hmm, not actually all that far fetched)

4. Their web site doesn't interface with an actual database, just an old lady sitting at an IBM Selectric typewriter who reads the screen and types out your application.

5. This is a government web site! Nuff said.

I dunno... this is all I could think of.

Do YOU have a better explanation?

21 comments:

Anonymous said...

I think you should apply to the government.... to work for the unemployment office, from 6 p.m. - 6 a.m.
sis

Kathy said...

Nothing says government incompetence like a 12 hr-a-day/5 day-a-week website. Good grief!

Mattenylou said...

That's funny! Is that the only website in the world that opens and closes? I've never seen that before, but, hey- there might be a real person behind it all! Happy to hear your state is not paying for overtime, anyway.... lol..my word verification to post this is 'curfow', maybe I should type in 'curfew'? perhaps there is someone on the other side of the screen, reading this!

Michelle said...

#6 All the better to steal identities. During the day, there's that much more to access.. bank accounts, etc. Minnesota's new revenue generating idea is phishing! It is the state sport after all, isn't it?

Maureen said...

Holy Crap! You mean the Interwebs isn't 24/7?????

I mean, even Wal*Mart is open 24 hrs.

Poor Edward.

Jeff said...

sis - 12 hour days? I'm not Superman you know.

kathy - Good grief is right. Seriously... can you think of ANY rational reason it's like that?

mattenylou - Yeah, maybe it's the Wizard of Ahhs... as in, "Ahh, here comes another sucker trying to use the web site after 6!"

michelle - Ooh, very clever. I like that!

maureen - Edward? Is he a vampire or something. Because I'm dangerously out of touch with the whole vampire thing you know.

Heather said...

I see it's also not available on holidays so you better get it done tomorrow. MLK day on Monday you know.

Roger said...

How do you expect them to keep up with the Twins, Vikings, Wild and Timberwolves? That was lame, and I should delete it, but you know I won't.

Your solar powered idea may be close to the truth, because I'm sure that Minnesota wants to be known as a "green" state.

Durblady said...

Seriously?!?!?! That is unbelievable - and actually sort of irks me! I might have to complain or something!

Maureen said...

Yep Jeff... I guess your daughter doesn't read Twilight. But then again, neither does mine... I must confess I am the Twilight freak in the house. Edward Cullen is THE vampire.

Elizabeth said...

I wonder if during the day it ever says "Ran to the bank. Back in 5 min"

Corrina said...

I've never heard of such a thing! I'm guessing someone sits on their computer and monitors/deals with every application the minute it's submitted? What the hell is the point of having a Web site?? Might as well just go down there, call or mail that shit in?

Vampire hating bastards.

P.S. Just pimped you as hard as I could on my blog. :-)

Janna said...

Strange, bizarre, bureaucratic silliness!

This must mean Minnesota is run by trained monkeys and cranky toddlers who have early bedtimes.

Check to see if they close during their afternoon nap and cookie break.

P.S. My word verification is "WINSISHI", which somehow makes me picture Bill Gates eating raw fish.

VE said...

It was a trojan site...they now have all your personal information and will be draining what's left of your accounts...

Ok, maybe that's the darker side of possibilities...

People in the Sun said...

I hope the site takes a 30 minutes lunch break! (although maybe that would mean they'd have to be operational until 6:30pm.)

rick said...

It's been my experience that anything to do with government employees, takes twice as long, with twice the workers, at ten times the actual cost. Remember, they don't have to make a profit to survive.

SHW said...

You do realize this is the same government that let us renew our vehicle tabs online from an unsecured website...


My captcha is "upoope"!

jerrychicken said...

Number four is correct, except that she attends to your application in between the rows of knitting, she can't afford to drop a stitch on those complicated patterns.

If my wife's experience of applying for benefits (albeit in the UK) is anything to go by then you have a long wait - sorry and all that.

Jenn Thorson said...

Oh my gosh, that's the dumbest thing.

All I can thing of it two reasons:

1.) These people don't realize the Interwebz is open 24/7, that it's SUPPOSED to be user-friendly and convenient-- unlike the Real World-- and that is the BENEFIT of this service.

2.) People didn't want to come back in to their holiday with stuff backlogged to do, so they decided to not accept anything that might them unhappy upon arrival. :)

Bill said...

Think of all the people diligently trying to place workers at the unemployment office. Everyone knows no one goes to work until you run out of unemployment checks. Now the government keeps extending that problem.

Jessica said...

I have no idea why they do it, but OSU's Student Self Service (SIS--Student Information System) shuts down during certain hours and on weekends, too. It prevents me from viewing my schedule, grades, bills, or anything else that I typically think about at 3 a.m. That means I also can't change anything, or add or drop classes. BUMMER!