Monday, February 08, 2010

I interviewed JD so you don't have to!

In what is sure to go down in history as the slowest blog post of all time, JD and I have FINALLY completed a 3-month project to conduct a simple 5 question interview. The funny thing is, it was supposed to be a 10 question interview, but after only trading 5 questions and answers after such a long time, we both agreed to put it out of its misery and "run with it," as they say in the publishing biz.

I guess that's what happens when you ask 2 bloggers with ADD to accomplish a task together. All I can say is, it's a good thing we're not in charge of anything important!

Anyway, here is my interview with one of my all-time favorite bloggers and bestest friends on the whole internet - JD from I Do Things So You Don't Have To. Enjoy.

1. Name one thing you set out to "do" so we didn't have to, and once you got started said, "Are you insane?... I'm not going to do this!"

Well, there was the infamous head cheese incident. A while back, I foolishly solicited requests from readers, some of which were rather . . . inappropriate. But there were several requests that seemed doable and even entertaining; in particular, one from a certain Minnesotan musician. He requested that I eat head cheese (so he wouldn’t have to), and THIS was one of the things I actually agreed to do. Foolish JD. I got as far as the grocery store display of packaged head cheese. I looked. I thought. I puked inwardly. Then I left. I may be a coward, but I’m not insane.

2. Oh well, fortunately Karl was insane enough to cover that one for me. Speaking of being a coward... what's your beef with raisins. Is it because they look like decapitated fly torsos? What did raisins ever do to you?

I’ll tell you what raisins did – and continue to do – to me. They’re sneaky evil sneaks that masquerade as chocolate chips and ruin otherwise delicious baked goods. Can anyone adequately describe the horror of chomping into what they THINK is a chocolate chip cookie and finding in their mouths instead the squirmy, awful, chewy, horrible . . . THING that is a raisin??? NO! Raisins are Mother Nature’s cruelest trick. She killed the innocent grape and yet allowed it to live. As a raisin.

3. I see. So you're saying raisins are really undead zombie grapes? Well, when you put it that way it sounds all negative and stuff.

In August of '08 we missed meeting each other at Niagra Falls by only a few hours. Then I vandalized the place with like a thousand little View From The Cloud stickers so you could find them in a treasure hunt - and you didn't find one. I even put one on the forehead of the woman selling tickets to the tour behind the falls. Seriously. Did you even try?

ED NOTE... It was at this time I waited over 2 weeks for a response. Our email exchange went like this:
Me: Tap tap tap...
Me: Sorry, I was out of line. Is it ok if I put a 2011 deadline on it?
JD (a few days later): HA! You thought I wouldn't get this in until 2011, didn't you? Well, I'm a WHOLE YEAR earlier than you figured.
And now, back to JD's answer:

Did I even try? Did I . . . (splutters furiously then regains composure).
OK, dude. You have noooo idea how hard I looked for those stupid stickers. It's a good thing I've been to Niagara Falls several times already, because Maid of the Mist? Horseshoe Falls? Natural beauty? People watching? I missed it all in favor of keeping my eyeballs constantly peeled to any possible surface where a sticker might've been placed. I think your term "vandalized" is appropriate, because the Niagara Falls cleaning force must've been following right on your heels, removing every sticker seconds after you stuck it. Because there was nothing. NOTHING. If there had been a sticker, I would've found it. And really, I'm beginning to wonder if you even put up any stickers at all. Because it's JUST like you to mess with my head like that. I even asked the lady selling tickets to the tour behind the falls. She remembered you, all right. But she said nothing about no stinkin' stickers.

4. Hmm, maybe someday you should tell me how you really feel about those stickers. Anyway, moving on...

You are quite revealing in your openness to write about the nude beaches and nudist camps you and your husband like to visit. For the rest of us who are not so liberal... please expose what it is you like so much about public nudity. Give us the naked truth. What are we missing?

First, nice wordplay, using "revealing" as your choice of verb. I like it. What I don't like is the assumption that I am a nudist. Allow me to clarify:

This whole nude thing was Dave's idea. And it's not like he wanders around the house nude; I've seen more of his nude self on our exactly 10 nude excursions than during the total of our almost 20-year marriage. And you might think he loves naked-lady-watching, but that's only part of it. In truth, at the places we've been to, the naked ladies are really not all that much to look at. Mainly, the man just loves being nude in public.

Me? Not so much. Part of my public nudity is based on indulging Dave's favorite hobby, but there is an aspect to public nudity that I love, too.

I LOVE to swim in the nude! And I don't mind lounging on beaches or by pools in just my awesome tan, either. You see, I never realized it, but I hate tan lines. I feel very comfortable shedding my clothes if there's water around. But invite me to a nude bowling tournament or a nude barbecue, and I'll have to politely decline.

Dave, however, will be there.

5. I see. I noticed you didn't mention the whole nude waist-high salad bar incident. I, um... think I'll just leave that one alone for now thank you.

And now, after 3 suspenseful months... THE FINAL QUESTION!

You've written some classic bloggage over the last several years, but for some reason I seem to enjoy your posts about pain and suffering the most. That's because you do such a great job of turning a horrible situation into a hysterical read. There are dozens I can reference, but these 2 in particular stick out as vintage JD.

The question? Oh yeah, I almost forgot. What is YOUR favorite post about the worst thing that has happened to you?

I don't think you're the only one who enjoys those types of posts. I think they're fun to read because everyone has gone through something, be it injury, illness, or surgery. I find a LOT of humor in these types of situations, and I think other people do, too. My favorite? It's gotta be this one:

It's a little long, but I think it's pretty funny from start to finish. It also contains the word "underpants," which is one of my favorite funny words. I like the insistence on referring to it as a "procedure" instead of "surgery," and any post that features my mom is gonna be a winner.

Oh, wait. I see you didn't ask WHY this post is my favorite. Oh, well. Consider that a bonus.

* * * * * * * * * * * 

And there you have it. Thank you JD for allowing me to interview you. It was a lot of fun! And speaking of fun... I must say I'm rather enjoying having my blog be "private" so I can write about things like nude bloggers and national park vandalism without having to worry about my potential employers seeing it.

Heh... and won't this be a fun little surprise once I get a job and open it back up for them to find.


Kathy said...

Deadlines? Who needs stinking deadlines?

See, this is why JD is one of my favorite writers, too. This interview is hysterical (interviewer, too!) I love the procedure post as well, since underpants is also one of my favorite words. I work it in wherever I can. Business meetings, if possible.

Thanks for asking her about the nude thing. In all this time I've known her, I never brought up the "why?" Afraid to ask, maybe?

Well, Jeff, when you get a new job, just get busy deleting.....

Babs-beetle said...

Five answers from JD is worth 10 from most people.

I still think my favourite post of JD's is the one where she is late for her mammogram appointment. Probably because I know that feeling so well.

And we still don't know why Dave would go to a Barbecue nude.

Kathy said...

Babs, yes! The mammogram story is one of the best ever. To this day, I will randomly think "Mammogram?!" as I'm going about my day, saying it in my head the way a lost, sweaty, anxious JD would have said it. Makes me laugh just to think of it. That's classic JD.

Roger Miller said...

I'm gonna have to start reading JD, she's a riot. Thanks for introducing her to those of us (apparently only me) who haven't read her.

Have you tried applying for a job at your local paper? You could do some "people in your neighborhood" interviews, with people in your neighborhood. Might have to check on the copyright of that phrase though.

I know, have a contest for people to name your articles... winner gets some Cracker Jacks.

Maureen said...

Ha! Well, let's just hope Dave doesn't BBQ bacon in the nude; then he would indeed be certifiable.

Great interview Jeff! Good thing you didn't have any time-sensitive topics, like if she was doing a post on "I'm prepared for Y2K so you don't have to?"...

JD at I Do Things said...

Thanks, again, Jeff. It was a lot of fun. And I'm so proud we got it done before 2011! Go, us!

Michelle said...

Highly entertaining, but ummmm I don't think I could do the nude on a beach. Sand and I aren't friends. I don't like it on my toes even.